White stoner chick: Yo, I love Beauty and the Beach. It's got such a like message.
Asian stoner chick: Like, what kind of message?
White stoner chick: About social justice. That's such a stoner thing to say right?
Asian stoner chick: That's such a Vassar stoner thing to say.
–79th & Columbus
Guy on cell: You start dating married women, you end up meeting their husbands.
–49th & 6th
Man on cell (guiltless and disinterested): She said I cheated, duh-duh-duh-duh.
–Church St & Barclay
Overheard by: Robert J. Anderson
Female suit on cell: He cheated on me on my 30th birthday in Nantucket and I called my mom to tell her and she said, "Are you ready to give up that lifestyle? He's wealthy and he's gorgeous. I don't want to hear it." But I want someone to be über-attracted to me.
–19th & 8th
Overheard by: Sebastian White
Dude on cell: Hello? (pause) I told you never to call me on this number. (pause) Because I don't want my wife to find out that we're dating.
–6th Ave & 17th St
Psuedo-gansta to friend: Yo, I would cheat on my wife except then you gotta buy them flowers and chocolate and shit. I'd rather spend money on my wife and be happy at home.
–N Train
Girl on cell, doing laundry: Yeah…and then he says that he has a girlfriend and he doesn't cheat on her…so I said, "Really? Then what was your penis just doing in my mouth?"
–Laundromat, 9th Ave & 53rd St
Overheard by: tinyfoo
Loud, obnoxious man: I hate loud, obnoxious people!
–Nomad Restaurant
Girl with brutal Long Island twang: It's just, like, if you have a Boston accent, you sound, like, so unintelligent. Like, less intelligent than other people, even if you're smart. The accent makes you sound dumb.
–7 Train
Overheard by: IDigGraves94
Angry black woman: Fuck you! I'm a lady!
–Herald Square
Overheard by: Annearchist
Flamboyantly gay man on the phone: Mom, I hate you, stop being such a faggot!
–46th & 5th
Suit on cell: Yeah? Well, she's a bitch and deserves to die. You wanna know why? Because she's ugly and she talks bad about people.
–47th St & 9th Ave
Tourist chick carrying a Starbucks coffee and three shopping bags to friend: We are the type to visit Wall Street and say capitalism is bullshit!
–Broadway & Cedar
Overheard by: mondoman
Nerdy middle aged white woman to postal clerk: Yes, I'd like just one sheet of the Disney, and one of the Kwanzaa.
–Cathedral Station Post Office
Overheard by: Emily B.
Woman yelling down a stairwell: Happy holidays to you, ma'am! Hope you choke on a candy cane!
–Central Park South
Overheard by: Daisy Mae
Girl: One morning, I woke up and I thought it was Christmas. Then I went outside and I realized it's not Christmas!
–57th & Columbus
Overheard by: Have a holly jolly Columbus Day?
Irish tourist woman: You went to Macy's? Did you see outside? They have black Santas here.
–Brendan's Bar
Overheard by: Danny
Old guy scanning tickets, singing quietly to self after each bar code beep: Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way…
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh!
Conductor on speaker: Ladies and gentlemen, we will be arriving shortly. In case you haven't finished your Christmas shopping, feel free to stop by the Metro North booth. You could buy a 10-trip for the kids, a weekly for the wife, or a one-way for the in-laws. Merry Christmas.
–Metro North
Overheard by: Christmas Spirit
Lady on cell: I've been standing here for like fifteen minutes…I don't know which one to choose. It's so hard…it's been like years since I've bought toothpaste.
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Doreen
40-something woman: I'm always wondering, is it teeth or tits?
–MJ Armstrong's Public House
Overheard by: JP
Girl to friends looking into camera: Jane* got the foreskin stuck in her teeth.
–Grand St, Brooklyn
Mother to daughter: Your tooth came out last night. I didn't want to disturb you, but at least you have your other teeth in.
–Hester & Grand
Flustered strand employee: He left his teeth on the floor and just took off!
–Strand Bookstore, 12th St & Broadway
(car honks repeatedly at pedestrians crossing against the light and speeds through)
Girl #1: Enough! Ugh! Was that a Prius?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: Pfft. If you gonna boss me around, at least do it in a manly car. Like a Civic.
Girl #2: Oh! Or an Acura!
–Mercer & W 3rd St
Hobo: Excuse me, can you spare some change? I'm homeless.
Man: Sorry, I don't have any.
Hobo: But I'm homeless. Did you hear me? I'm homeless! Can you spare some change?
–W 4th & 9th St
Drunk old man: Ain't nothing wrong with hot butt naked sex! Ain't nothing wrong with it, am I right?
Passing teen girl: Nothing!
–10th & Ave B
Overheard by: In Agreement
Kid on bicycle which is far too big for him to guy jogging by: Damn, mister, it's too hot to be running…wanna buy a bike?
–Carmine & 7th Ave
Homeless guy, giving umbrella to random white girl: This is for you. In case it rains. This (holding up alcohol bottle) is for me. You know why? Because I'm an alcoholic.
–Penn Station
Man to friend, about the Bruce Springsteen concert that night: You know what? If it starts raining, I'm just going to take off my shirt and scream the whole time.
–Penn Station
Girl: We're on an island, it doesn't snow here.
–St. John's University, Staten Island
Overheard by: Ang
Vendor: Man, I know why we're having to pee so much! It's because it's colder and our bladders are shrinking.
–Flea Market, 82nd & Columbus
Overheard by: EthanK
Woman yelling to complete stranger: It's not raining anymore! It stopped raining! You're the only one with an umbrella!
–Port Authority
