Wednesday One-Liner Is Performance

20-something woman on cell: So I'm like, "Be a man and go in the ladies' room!"

–19th & 7th

Overheard by: tycho anomaly

40-something suit on cell: Why do I have to be the girl?

–University Place & 14th St

Overheard by: rich

Meathead: To the point where the hottest women in Thailand are men. But I mean, no homo or anything.

–Uptown 5 Train

Overheard by: Can't vouch for this

Woman on cell: So yeah, men and women are different. Anyway…

–High Line Park

Overheard by: hudson williams-eynon

Guy, looking at friend's iPhone: Ugh, I really didn't need to see shemale penis today.

–99 Below Restaurant

Overheard by: Calvin SC

Posted on November 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, iPod, Meatheads, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Street, Suits, The Village, Trannies, Travel, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

And It's Gonna Be Wih Another Girl!

Little girl #1 to family: I'm going to be 30 when I have my first baby!
Mom: You know, you can have one earlier.
Little girl #2: I'm going to be 29!

–Tea & Sympathy

Overheard by: Not Preggers

Posted on November 10, 2009
Age/Aging, Families, Family Ties, Kids, Moms, Parents, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Restaurants & Cafes, The Village

It's Like He Thinks We Don't Need Silk Garbage Bags

Upper West Side wife #1: He thinks I can operate this household on $25,000 a month–that bastard better get a better job.
Upper West Side wife #2: Yeah, really, he needs to get his shit together.

–83rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Mike

Posted on November 6, 2009
Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Ladies Who Lunch, Money & Class, Rich people, Stupidity, The Village

Wednesday One-Liners Grow Hair on Their Palms

Preppy guy to preppy friends: So then she's throwing these nerf balls at me while I'm furiously beating off on her couch…

–Chinatown

Girl: Masturbation's not really my thing, but I need to be more self-sufficient.

–N Train

Angst 20-something on cell: Ya, I miss riding my bike, it made my ass look so good… Fuck! I just want to go home, smoke some weed, and masturbate.

–Central Park

Overheard by: kate

Guy: I hope this bus gets caught in a traffic jam! (looks down out of window) You may see people jacking off in their cars.

–MegaBus, Top Deck

Overheard by: EuropanGal

20-something girl on cell: Yeah, he's a big dork. Ya know what else he uses? Calculators. But that's just to masturbate.

–Macdougal & 4th

Overheard by: Billy H.

Young women on cell: Oh. My. God! You will never guess who got married! (pause) The masturbator!

–Bryant Park

Posted on November 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Bryant Park, Bus, Cars and Driving, Central Park, Chinatown, Friends, Girls, Gossip, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Marriage, Masturbation, Nostalgia, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Preppies, Questions, Science, Street, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Women

Ever Seen a Woman Before, Jason?

Guy: For real, this guy has two assholes. Like, vertically arranged.

–14th & 7th

Posted on November 1, 2009
Asshole, Guys, The Village, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Calculate the Circular Pigmented Area

Coed: When my nipple-hairs pop up, that means I'm done.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Hobo to tiny sexy Asian girl wearing tank top on chilly day: Two nipples for a dime?

–9th Ave & 14th St

Cute gay chick on cell: I am aware that it's pride month, but I still like to keep sharp objects away from my nipples. My gay forefathers did not fight at Stonewall so that I might wear body jewelry.

–4th Ave & 11th St, Brooklyn

Mother to little boy: Those are not meant to be shown in public; nipples are private things.

–A Train

Overheard by: g-lime

Crazy guy, yelling: When I see my nipples in the mirror, I look away!

–Bedford Ave

Overheard by: Zach Rock Steady

Posted on October 28, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Brooklyn, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Coworkers, Crazies, Fashion, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hair, Hobos, Kids, Lesbians, Moms, Money & Class, Nipples, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, S&M, Street, The Village, Time, War, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Raise the Roofie

Woman on phone: Mommy, how many people do you know who have been raped as much as her? None, exactly!

–Midtown East

Overheard by: dtrain

Woman on cell: And I didn't get raped on the subway today! It's always a good day when I don't get raped.

–6th Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: that's always good

Teen meathead on cell: Wait what? I can't really hear you. (pause) You got raped? Wait… physically or emotionally? (pause) Both? Shit.

–American Eagle Dressing Room

Overheard by: Alyssa

College bro to friend: Nah, dude, it's even better than a date rape drug!

–East Village

Girl: There are some girls who he would be more likely to rape. She's not one of them.

–Graham Ave

Posted on October 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Drugs, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Meatheads, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Public Transportation, Questions, Rape, Store, Street, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Stimulate the Economy

Tourist, loudly and proudly: They have this store at the mall!

–Louis Vuitton, 5th Ave

College girl: The second floor was pointless. It was, like, just furniture.

–Ikea, Brooklyn

Woman on cell: I'm not in a store! I know what a store looks like!

–Tompkins Square Park

Perturbed NYU chick, about New Orleans: Hopefully I will survive there for two years. They don't have H&M! Or Bloomingdale's or Anthropologie. They don't have Loehmann's…

–NYU Office

Overheard by: Melanie

Middle-aged guy passing clothing store with shirtless male models at front doors: Hollister? What is it, a ladies club inside?

–NoHo

Overheard by: Arielle

Posted on October 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Brooklyn, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Men, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Shopping, Sorority Girls, Store, Students, Stupidity, The Village, Time, Tourism, Tourists, Travel, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Make Your Eyes Water

Young man to another: And I was like, "No, man. A girl ain't supposed to smell like that, yo."

–Broadway & 37th St

Overheard by: glm

Loud Long Island woman to drunk friends: Yeah, I got really used to that smell once he came back from Nepal…

–LIRR

Guy to girl: I don't want to bring home a girl who smells like urine.

–36th & 5th

Hipster 20-something to preteen sister: This does not smell like Costa Rica! (pauses, as though to make sure) 14th Street in New York City does not smell like Costa Rica!

–14th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: David

Man complaining to friend: If she does that one more time… I mean, if that bitch comes home one more time with her breath smelling like some other guy's dick, I swear to fucking god… I'll leave her.

–Times Square

Overheard by: drekdude

Posted on October 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Infidelity, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Sisters, Street, The Village, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, Travel, Tweens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

The Village