Times Square

Theater geek: So I was looking at auditions for this post-apocalyptic drama, and the ad said, "we're looking for men, all shapes and sizes. Actually no, you have to be ridiculously skinny, totally emaciated, on the verge of death. And… oh yeah, you have to have stringy hair. And be really bony. And my dad said, "you definitely need to try out for this!"

–TKTS Booth, Times Square

Overheard by: Not Emaciated

Guy: No, I didn't do the graphics–I mean, the play's about Adam and Eve, but do they put naked people on the postcard to sell tickets? No, they have a cartoon of an apple. I don't understand.

–Minetta Lane Theater

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Bathroom attendant at West Side Story: C'mon, people! Short line, long intermission! (toilet flushes) Hear that? That's music to somebody's bladder!

–Palace Theatre

Overheard by: Maggie

Audience member, at interval of Aida: Hey, this is better than Grease!

–Metropolitan Opera

Disgruntled usher: I swear by every god of Jupiter that these are your seats.

–The Ambassador Theatre, 49th & Broadway

Overheard by: The Moons of Jupiter Were Already Spoken For

Tourist #1: Do you read the New Yorker?
Tourist #2: No, I'm from Omaha.

–Times Square

Overheard by: so impressed with middle america

Guy, rushing into room: Guys, come here. I need a witness in the bathroom right now.

–Times Square

Screaming Latino stepping into urinal: Ah! Ah! Ah! Sorry y'all, I just got dem crabs, so it hurts when it comes out.

–South Ferry

Voice from cubicle emitting diarrhea sounds the day after Yom Kippur: Ugh, Jewish holidays.

–Broadway

Woman coming out of bathroom: I just heard the woman in the stall next to me say, "I love my ample taint."

–Astoria

Overheard by: Alison R

White guy in suit to drunk Asian girl coming out of the subway: Will you come home with me?
Please?
Asian girl: What? Why?
White guy: I'm lonely and I want to sleep together.
Asian girl: I'm not a prostitute, you dick!

–Time Square

Suit #1: I've been reading about this British kid, Elliot Castro, he's some big time credit card fraudster. I've got his book.
Suit #2: Castro?
Suit #1: Yeah.
Suit #2: A Castro from Britain?
Suit #1: Well, yeah, not British heritage I guess.
Suit #2: Oh, okay. (pause) They got a lot of Mexicans over there?

–Times Square

Girl: I have a sliver in my hand!
Guy: I will pick it out when we get home.
Girl: No, that's okay. I like picking at my skin.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Victoria

Woman on cell: He was here for ten days and he only touched my boobs twice!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: and my girlfriend would be upset if it were 10 minutes

Old thug passing three fat chicks on their way to a club: Explosion of titties!

–Myrtle Ave, Brooklyn

Hipster barista guy: A boob is just a moisturized bag of skin, seriously!

–Think Coffee

Overheard by: its to early for this conversation

Full-on punk guy: Dude! Shit is so good! I just want someone to squirt tahini all over my tits!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Dahlia

Girl on phone: Wait! What? No! Well, I do shit a lot. But I don't want to shit my boobs away!

–Times Square

Young man to another: And I was like, "No, man. A girl ain't supposed to smell like that, yo."

–Broadway & 37th St

Overheard by: glm

Loud Long Island woman to drunk friends: Yeah, I got really used to that smell once he came back from Nepal…

–LIRR

Guy to girl: I don't want to bring home a girl who smells like urine.

–36th & 5th

Hipster 20-something to preteen sister: This does not smell like Costa Rica! (pauses, as though to make sure) 14th Street in New York City does not smell like Costa Rica!

–14th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: David

Man complaining to friend: If she does that one more time… I mean, if that bitch comes home one more time with her breath smelling like some other guy's dick, I swear to fucking god… I'll leave her.

–Times Square

Overheard by: drekdude

Ghetto chick #1: When I was younger, I was afraid to wash myself in certain areas.
Ghetto chick #2: Why?
Ghetto chick #1: Well, I thought that if I washed my vagina, it would burn.
Ghetto chick #2: Um… You're over that now, right? You wash now?
Ghetto chick #1: Oh yeah. Everything's fine now. I wash it.

–Red Lobster, Times Square

Overheard by: Kit

Hobo to tourist lady: Can you spare a dollar? Some change?
Tourist lady: Sorry, not today.
Hobo, mumbling as he walks away: Okay, see ya tomorrow.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Rebecca