Maybe I Should See If My Giant Leg Fits Up Your Ass

Late 20s Middle Eastern sales guy: Hey, do you need help with anything?
Early 20s average sized girl: I really like these boots but I can't get them zipped up my calf. They are too tight.
Late 20s Middle Eastern sales guy: Oh, I see. This happens often. We have a machine that can safely stretch them for you. (goes to the back and stretches each boot twice, then brings them back to girl)
Early 20s something girl: Ugh, they still wont zip up. Can you stretch them anymore?
Late 20s Middle Eastern sales guy: Well, they've already been stretch twice… There's not much more I can do. Maybe you should just lose weight.

–4th & 7th

Posted on July 16, 2009
Clerks, Diet/Weight, Girls, Height, Offers and requests, Shoes, Union Square and East Village

Vegetarians Won't Eat Anything with a Wednesday One-Liner

(man standing on bus gets a little too close to the man sitting in front of him)
Sitting man: Wrong person, right day. Son, do not put your genitals in my face!

–M101 Bus

(skateboarder tries to do a trick on the curb and flies face-first onto pavement)
Skateboarding friend, checking on him: Dude! His face looks like a clitoris!

–Union Square

Overheard by: I Looked Away

Crazy man to another: What the fuck's the matter with your face, man? You look like a fuckin' Rottweiler! Shit!

–Q Train

Creepy doorman to male tourist: If you wake up in the morning with a bush in front of your face, don't ask any questions.

–30 Rock

Overheard by: MusicMagGirl

Posted on July 15, 2009
Accidents, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Bus, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, Creepsters, Friends, Insults, Man's Best Friend, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Physical appearance, Private Parts, Skaters, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

A Piñata Full Of Wednesday One-Liners

Eight-year-old boy, matter-of-factly, to dorky dad: Mexican people like to put animals on their shoulders.

–108 St & Broadway

Black guy to white woman: Anyway, it turns out–and this is really weird–in Texas, they hate Mexicans as much as they hate African Americans!

–17th St & 8th Ave

Man to another: I just want to be gang-raped by a group of Latinos.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Mike

Exasperated woman to friend: And this is why I don't interfere when it comes to Mexicans!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Green Star

10-year-old to friend: You have the same name as a short, fat Mexican boy!

–Maria Hernandez Park, Bushwick

Latino gay to white gay: You have good genes, you just don't have the Latino gene that makes your face moisturize naturally. I'm like the Dick Clark of faggotry!

–12th & 1st

Overheard by: H-Bomb

Teen to friend: Make sure that you're in Guatemalan mode.

–114th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jeremy

Posted on July 15, 2009
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Diet/Weight, Friends, Global Geography, Kids, KKK, Latinos, Men, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Queer guys, Race, Rape, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday Keeps Popping Out One-Liners

Drunk woman to another: Well, I will see your divorce and raise you an illegitimate pregnancy!

–Court St & Atlantic Avenue, Brooklyn

Girl to super skinny girl: You look pregnant, I think I have a clothes hanger in my locker. You wanna come up and check with me?

–1st Ave & 3rd St

Dad holding baby to wife with another kid in stroller: Somebody's about to get pregnant up in here… It'll be like Maury Povich.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: NOT the father

Dude on bus to child: See, women, they get to grow people. And in exchange, we get to pee standing up.

–Q64 Bus

Overheard by: a people-grower

Girl to friend: You always seem to get pregnant at the worst times.

–Queens Center Mall

Overheard by: Jenn

Girl to friend: I'm feeling fertile. Who's going to tend to that feeling for me?

–2 Train

Latino guy to friends: That's what my name means in Portuguese, "pregnancy test positive."

–84th Drive, Queens

Posted on July 15, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Bus, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Families, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Kids, Languages, Latinos, Malls, Moms, Names, Offers and requests, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Pee, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queens, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Skinny People, Street, Stupidity, Threats, TV, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

…It Took Me Years in Therapy to Learn to Say That.

Disembodied gruff voice: Don't worry, people! Just give up and accept defeat.
Random woman: That's right. (a few seconds later) I accept my feet.

–Astor Place

Posted on July 14, 2009
Advice, Body Parts, Strangers, Union Square and East Village, Women, Words

Another Thing Nobody Tells You About Childbirth

Girl #1: She smelled like vagina.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #3: No, she smelled like bloody vagina.

–Union Square

Posted on July 13, 2009
Blood & bleeding, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Sensory Experiences, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Weirdness

Note: This Message Was Not Approved by Barack Obama

Teenager, fighting with security: Fuck you! Fuck all y'all! Obama, baby! (storms out)
Preppy guy: See, this is why I vote Republican.

–14th St & Union Square

Posted on July 11, 2009
Insults, Politics, Preppies, President, Security Guards, Teens, Union Square and East Village

Can You Say Hi to Paula Abdul for Me?

Old lady: Where is this bus going?
Drunk girl: To the moon!
Old lady: Really?

–2nd St & 2nd Ave

Posted on July 9, 2009
Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Old People, Public Transportation, Questions, Union Square and East Village

Things Got Awkward When They Brought Up Aaron

Drunk hipster: God, I just loved Charlie, why did they have to kill him?
Drunk 30-something: No, I'd do Locke, even with his crazy eye.
Drunk hipster: Oh, Sawyer's a babe.
Drunk 30-something: No shit! I'd drink beer out of his shoe.

–Sin Sin Bar, East Village

Overheard by: not as drunk

Headline by: erak

Runners-Up:
· “…And Freebase the Smoke Monster” – DCGeek
· “I’d Drink Beer Out Of a Lot Of Things, Though” – Paul. R
· “This Could Totally Be Me and My Friends” – james
· “Yeah, Well I’d Lick Jam Off Sayed’s Back Bro….” – Ria

Click here to see the new Headline Contest