Union Square and East Village

If Wednesday One-Liners Can Make It Here, They Can Make It Anywhere

Chick: Nothing says New York like a wire frog.

–Battery Park

Lady who has loudly complained to the waiter about the poor service: It’s people like that who give New York City a bad name.

–Lindy’s, 7th Ave

Overheard by: joemikehap

Amateur anthropologist: Of course I have a snarky attitude! I’m a New Yorker; it’s practically a requirement!

–F train

Overheard by: Braincurve

Tourist on cell: Yeah! I’m in New York! Yeah, it’s kinda like New Orleans, except bigger and you can’t drink in the streets.

–Grand Central

Man on bicycle: New York is about freedom! Suck a dick!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Laura

Guy watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre trailer: See, that’s why I never leave New York. You never see crazy motherfuckers like that in New York…except for niggas on the train.

–Regal Cinemas, Court St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Clitoris Rex

Little girl: There’s a lot of people in this New York City!

–Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners Think ‘Un’ Is Also a Kind of Faithful

Ghetto guy: She know she got a man, but she’ll still gimme some. She know that!

–7 train

Young woman, screaming at young man: I dare you to fuck someone else again! I dare you!… You better not fuck anyone else! You better not!

–Hoyt-Schermerhorn station, Brooklyn

Queer on cell: Since when has your gaping hole decided to be faithful to your boyfriend?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Keith

Walking VD: When I first met you seven months ago I was kinda in another relationship. But now that that’s over, wanna get back in bed?

–32nd & 7th

Cop: So I’m fucking his wife for 6 years, and now he complains!

–238th & Broadway

Overheard by: Miriam

The Novelty of Non-Cooking Sluts Soon Wears Off

Idealist: I just want to meet an old-fashioned girl who will make omelets and won’t sleep with my friends.

–7th & Ave A

His Parents Are Being Kind; Her Master’s Is in Business Administration

Skater dude #1: I am mad smart, yo. My parents won’t even tell me my IQ. It’s so high they’re afraid to.
Skater dude #2: I seriously doubt that, man.
Skater dude #1: No, my sister’s way smart. She’s getting her Master’s degree, and my parents told me mine was higher than hers.
Skater dude #2: Dude, she could be smart but you could totally not be. It skips a generation.
Skater dude #1: Not in my family it doesn’t.

–3rd St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: eiaboca

I See Your Points

Chick: Is that Broadway? I think it is. I can’t see.
Burly guy: Yeah. Didn’t you put your contacts in?
Chick: No. I haven’t bought new ones yet.
Burly guy: Jesus, Jen! You’ll buy boobs but you won’t buy contacts?
Chick: What’s more important: contacts or boobs?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Erica

They Put the ‘Sensual’ in ‘Non-Consensual’

Bartender: Yeah, I like to tell people I’m a rapist.
Patron chick: A rapist? Why?
Bartender: Well, just statutory rape.
Patron chick: Yeah, there’s no such thing as bad statutory rape.

–Croxley’s Ale, Ave B between 2nd & 3rd

Why Natives and Tourists Rarely Marry

Woman: This book I’m reading says that string theory could verify how the world began!
Guy: Hello! We know how the world began. I’ve got a book you should borrow; it’s called the Bible.

–Starbucks, Astor Place

Wednesday One-Liners Built the Tower of Babel

Guy: Hey! Where’s my Sudanese pussy from Chinatown?

–14th & University

Guy on cell: I’ll meet you at the corner by the store with Chinese writing…Hey, wait a minute. All the fucking signs around here have Chinese writing.

–Walker & Lafayette

Overheard by: Wolf

Guy on cell: So, if this is true, then Dracula’s native language would be Hungarian rather than Romanian. And I think that is important for my research.

–Anthology Film Archives, 2nd St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: nosy cinephile

Teen girl: This bag is mad Aztec.

–13th & University

Co-Worker: So, did she mention anything about Mexicans?

–Office, W 36th St

Overheard by: Evan

Well-Traveled girl: Mexico is not a Third-World country. JFK is.

–Tea Lounge, Park Slope

Small child: Mommy, look! You can tell he’s Mexican by his eyes!

–Bodies exhibit, South Street Seaport

White girl, to Asian girl: So wait, is he just not Japanese or not interested?

–Walgreens, Union Square

Overheard by: Goldie

Businesswoman: Well you can’t kill a Vietnamese man because that would just cost too much.

–I Trulli restaurant, E 27th St

Hobo: You’re not Polish; you just think you’re Polish!

–Tompkins Square Park

Voice over intercom: Will the foreign exchange student please come to the cashier.

–Century 21

Sassy chick: I can’t believe she’s moving to fucking Cambodia to live with a fucking cricket-hunter she’s only known for two months!

–TGI Friday’s, 52nd & 7th

Overheard by: Shaina

Very Well, Then, It’s Harvard for Me

Latino kid #1, taking out cigarette and lighter: Yo, stop a second!
Latino kid #2: Yo, if you can’t light it while you walkin’, you ain’t ghetto.

–10th & Ave A

Overheard by: Darry

It Takes a Village to Warp a Child

Mother, to young son: It’s not a nice thing to say. It’s like saying a curse word.
Stranger on bench: Fuck you!

–Union Sq Park

Overheard by: the other stranger on the bench

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