Ethan Hawke: Man, everybody’s fat.
–Employees Only, Hudson St
Overheard by: molly
Guy on cell: But you’re not fat in America!
–Ozzie’s Coffee III, 5th Ave, Park Slope
Ethan Hawke: Man, everybody’s fat.
–Employees Only, Hudson St
Overheard by: molly
Guy on cell: But you’re not fat in America!
–Ozzie’s Coffee III, 5th Ave, Park Slope
Heinously-dressed chick on cell: I wish I could see you today! I’m wearing a really cool outfit!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: fashionbly competent
Ghetto chick: I hate skinny jeans. Them shits be mad tight!
–H&M, 125th St
Overheard by: Alison R.
Girl: Okay, those might be Givenchy, but she totally bought them at DSW.
–Houston & Broadway
Salesperson: The trousers are unfinished so you have to go to a tailor when you get home and have them fitted. Are there any tailors where you come from?
–Macy’s
Overheard by: Other suit-buying tourist
Two UES ladies passing by a child laughing at her reflection in upscale shoe store window: That baby has a head start — she already likes stilettos.
–79th & Lex
Overheard by: B.B.
Girl to guy: You should just wear nude leggings!
–1 train
Overheard by:
Girl on cell: Those are the gayest jeans I’ve ever seen. As long as you wear them, you will always be gay. Congratulations.
–H&M, SoHo
Obnoxious NYU student on phone: Hey, remember that cute boy in my chemistry class I was telling you about? Well, I totally just saw him in a gay porno!
–Study Room, NYU Dorm
Overheard by: NYU Ears
Patient woman: She's making friends with an old porn star, leave her alone!
–2nd Ave b/w 50th & 51st
Overheard by: sab
Cranky suit to nodding friend: Except for porn and eBay, no one knows how to make money anymore!
–Madison Ave & 47th St
Overheard by: kricka
Girl to friend: This would be a great place to shoot a porno.
–Downstairs Bar, Morimoto Restaurant
iPhone screamer: Yeah, just take the exec-u-table file and put it in the folder. Right the exec-u-table file! I know, the music is funny, like a porno, right?
–33rd St b/w 5th & 6th
Chick: You *know* we're all going to be googling "eggbeater porn" before the night is over.
–Party, 171st & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Tourist girl, Pointing at a set of glass windows: Hey, isn’t that where Carson Daly lives?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Max Bivona
Comedy club promoter: Comedy club, comedy club. Laugh until you get violent diarrhea!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Patrick
Comedy promoter to girl walking by: Hey, you like comedy? (girl ignores him) Yeah, you the strong, silent type… I like that in a woman.
–48th & Broadway
Overheard by: MsPrint
Comedy show ticket salesman on sidewalk: Comedy show! Free vibrators! New batteries!
–Times Square
Guy promoting comedy club to couple holding hands: Hey, what are you two doing tonight? …besides each other?
–Times Square
Comedy promoter: Want to see a comedy show? We've got free marijuana downstairs.
–W 43rd St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Daniel
Engineer: Unlike you, I am not always thinking about cock!
–Midtown office
Overheard by: Randy Locklair
Blonde Teen: No. Like it’s hairy. Like really hairy. Like I-have-to-trim-it hairy.
–3rd Ave & 11th St.
Overheard by: D O double
Little boy to dad: Does the Statue of Liberty have a claw?
–Battery Park
Little boy to mother: Will you hurry up? You're slower than my aunt Jebediah in the bathtub!
–Clark St, Brooklyn
Four-year-old boy to mother: And then you fed me…from your belly button!
–Old Navy Store
Overheard by: Joyfully Yours
Little boy playing with friend: Buenos dias, reptile!
–Astoria Park
Overheard by: Julie & Zane
Blond six-year-old, looking at father's New Yorker magazine: What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?
–Doma Cafe
Seven-year-old with Spiderman backpack: Dad, have I lost my youth?
–1 Train
Little girl with pigtails, running to sit with family: We're going to the dark side!
–Sheep Meadow, Central Park
Girl on cell: I mean is UPS trying to alienate all of New York City? Seriously!
–Prince & 6th
Guy: Is it wrong to break up with someone with a text message? No, right?
–Black and White Bar, 86 E. 10th St.
Overheard by: Andy De Mars
Hobo to teen girl with red hands: Wow, your hands are so red. You must have a condition. Yeah, that’s what it must be, a condition. You know, I have a condition, too. I’m a werewolf.
–4 train
Girl: Jewish lesbians? Are you kidding me? They don’t exist. That’s like vampire cowboys.
–16th St & Park Ave South
Overheard by: C-Star
30-ish alternaguy: No, man, he was like a mer-wolf… You know, like a mermaid and a werewolf in one.
–Spring & Lafayette
Hot blonde: But we really are just male elves with long hair and boobs!
–140th & Broadway
Overheard by: Three-Headed Monster
Dude on cell: Yeah and then she started whinnying in excitement right on top of me, like a fucking unicorn or some shit… Yeah, I guess it was pretty hot.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Shane
Small, excited Mexican child: Is it zombies? I know — it’s the Grim Reaper!
–D train, 36th St atation
Overheard by: Jon A.
Guy to female friend: There's a guy in the Howard Street festival that ejaculates like 20 feet.
–E 3rd St & 1st Ave
Guy: The world is my cumrag!
–4th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Jordan Bruce
Woman on cell: Yeah, it was great. We managed to buy enough sperm for three kids.
–32nd & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Matt
Intoxicated college boy to friend: I don't want to jism on a girl's back…yet.
–Times Square
Overheard by: watching her back
Suit getting off train, turning around and yelling: Was it semen? (waves goodbye)
–1 Train
Overheard by: hsw
