Wednesday One-liners Use Safety Scissors

Girl: If she were dead, she would have called, right?

–83rd & York

Overheard by: Will

Suit: Well see, I’ve always either been single or in a relationship.

–Duane & Broadway

Overheard by: McGins

Guy on cell: Yeah, what he said made us sound stupid. But it made me sound even stupider!

–Broadway & Bleecker

Overheard by: jillypickle

Girl on cell: Hello? No, you have the wrong number…Hello? No, I told you you had the wrong number. What are you, illiterate?

–M train

Overheard by: Jane

Guy: Yo, I never knew Dean Koontz wrote books in Spanish. He’s mad smart! And Bill Clinton, too!

–Barnes & Noble libros en espanol section, Union Square

McChick: Would you like that “with cheese”, or without “with cheese”?

–McDonald’s, 44th and Lex

Man: Oh shit, it’s raining outside too?

–Office, 40th & 3rd

Overheard by: Colin F.

Posted on August 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Words

There Are No Small Wednesdays– Only Small One-Liners.

Girl on cell, defiantly: Listen, I can keep my midget in your closet whenever I damn please!

–72nd & Columbus

Man handing out cards to random passers-by: They have midget strippers, buddy, and you can bring your guitar!

–42nd & 7th

Overheard by: Katy

Guy, to friend: You can't call yourself a grown man if you sit down and your feet dangle off the chair.

–Victoria's Secret

Overheard by: Emm

Black guy pushing cart: Man, I miss my two-headed midget friend… He was my best man.

–Union Square

Woman on cell: Have I been an angry little munchkin?

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: TheMac

Posted on August 12, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Friendship, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Guys, Handicaps, Instruments, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Store, Strangers, Strippers, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Women

Wednesday Pick-Up-Liners

Guy, bumping into girlfriend as bus lurches: Sorry baby, that’s gravity. I can’t help it, I’m physically attracted to you.

–M116 Bus

Overheard by: I hate the bus

Construction worker hitting on young girl: Hey baby, you are too cute to be so pretty!

–Allen & East Houston

Black bag seller to passerby: Hey sweetheart, you wanna buy a bag today? I’ll tell you what, you buy a bag and I’ll give you my number for free.

–33rd & Broadway

Man to teenage girls: Do you and your friends like to wrestle? I swear to god I could take you all.

–Times Square

Overheard by: yearbookie

Homie to friends: They say in the old days you couldn’t even holler at a woman cause she wouldn’t answer you.

–South Williamsburg

Overheard by: DanielXY

Homeless man to cute passerby: Nice knees.

–Central Park

Posted on August 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Beauty, Black People, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Construction Guys, Friends, Gender issues, History & Geography, Hobos, Love, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nice People, Offers and requests, On the Bus, Orgy, Parks, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Relationships, Shopping, Street, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness, Williamsburg

Wednesday One-liners by Eve Ensler

Teen boy: You aren’t pussy-whipped. She’s your mother.

–77th between 2nd & 3rd

Overheard by: Carl G

Posted on August 11, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Family Ties, Teens, Upper East Side

Undercover DEA Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: I’m in a… Oh, what’s the word I’m looking for? … Crack-infested neighborhood.

–9th & 26th, Queens

Overheard by: B. D.

Disheveled punk teen girl: No! My 72-hour drug binge is starting now!

–14th & University

Overheard by: rachel

Crazy lady: … So I hung the crack pipe on the cross which gave me the right to say no to drugs… Hallelujah!

–2 train

Overheard by: with a K

Suit on cell: Yeah, I talked to him the other day. Right? I think he turned gay. Or he had a drug abuse problem.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Nick

Lady: I’m ready to yodel! Do I smell hashish?!

–Central Park SummerStage

Fiction professor: I would find writing about investment bankers very difficult because I find them boring when I meet them. I start to like them when they start snorting coke. Then their dialogue becomes much more interesting.

–The New School

Middle-aged lady on cell: I need to start sniffing more glue.

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: Amy Jill

Posted on August 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Drugs, Wednesday One-Liners

Decent, Churchgoing Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on phone: Look, motherfucker — I’ll wear what I want to church on Sunday.

–Restaurant, 46th St

Black woman: Yeah, chips and soda for a dollar! That’s one church I won’t go back to.

–F train

Overheard by: Kevin Z

Guy on cell: I don’t need to fucking hear that at home! That’s what I’ve got church for!

–Broome & Allen

Mother to small daughter outside St. Patrick’s: Stop crying — I know it looks more like a haunted house than a church.

–St. Patrick’s Cathedral, 5th Ave

Black dude: Nigga, nuns ain’t real.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Gabriel

Posted on August 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Church, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-liners Wanna Get High

Goth boy: Either I just saw Gollum eating sushi off of Rose Cotton’s naked body, or I am coked up to the gills!

–E train

Overheard by: Biff Largemeats

Chick: Ya know, I gotta say, you really do need to take drugs to be interesting. ‘Cuase without ’em, you’re really boring.

–Rue B, Avenue B

Overheard by: Lisa Ramaci

Guy: I can’t do acid but I can do shrooms. Especially shroom tea.

–Houston & Essex

Overheard by: Joel

Artsy girl: It’s made me so much more creative, and that’s, like, so much more important for my art than anything else. And the buzz is great, too.

–14th & 5th

Guy: Oh I always have a Metrocard on me…they’re great for cutting up coke.

–Astor Place station

Chick: It’s not like there’s a moral high ground when it comes to methadone.

–Carroll Gardens

Overheard by: Sara Beane

Girl on cell: I know, that’s the worst! You have to try that towel-on-the-floor thing, and that never works.

–18th & 5th

Overheard by: jaykayess

Posted on August 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Drugs, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

The Classy Ladies of Wednesday One-liners

Chick on cell: Um, it’s me, and you know what? I just sent you and email that was all like, “I don’t want to think about it, I just want to blah blah blah.” I changed my mind. I do want to think about it, and you know what happens when I do? I say, ew! Yuck, yuck, yuck, ew, ew, yuck. argh! Ugh! Ugh! I’m so grossed out right now I cannot even tell you. What a fucking asshole. Asshole, asshole, asshole. I hate him, I hate him. He’s a big dick. A big dick. Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I’m walking around the streets of New York swearing, but god knows I’m not the first person. Holy shit, what a dick. Ew. Ugh, ugh, ugh. Call me back. Bye!

–Union Square