Wednesday Will Go Nazarene on Your One-Liners

Black woman: Sixteen dollars? That paper better be made out of Jesus's ass.

–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Emily B.

40-something to friends: And what's going on with the fucking baby Jesus over there?

–Starbucks

Guy on cell: In my class, we were talking about how Jesus was a Viking warrior.

–Queens College

Woman, about Matt Lauer and Katie Couric: See, this is why Jesus Christ and the Pharisees didn't get along.

–22nd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Rachel Peters

Woman on phone on the night before Easter: No, I do not want you at my house right now. (pause) I'm going home to watch The Ten Commandments and read my bible–Jesus is coming back tomorrow!

–B44 Bus

Overheard by: Micah

Drunk high school girl: If Jesus had discovered a cure for dry mouth, he'd be a lot more popular!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Smudge

Posted on July 16, 2015
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Books & Writing, Bus, Christianity, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Guys, History & Geography, Insults, Jesus, Medicine, Money & Class, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Bus, Queens, Queens College, Questions, School and studying, Sorority Girls, Starbucks, Store, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

The Wednesday Bone's Connected to the One-Liner Bone…

Man with beard to friend: You should stick with her. I mean, she's giving you her kidney!

–77th & Columbus

Teen hipster, commenting on girl's nose: It's not too nosy, but you know it's a nose.

–Starbucks, 71st & Broadway

Overheard by: Maddie

Girl: She just really needs that second body, you know?

–W 16th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Emily B.

Guy yelling to friend: So I said "My rectum? My rectum!?"

–Broadway & John St

Guy on phone: No, bitch, you rub my belly!

–Houston St

Conductor over intercom, after train stops: Folks, I apologize for the delay, the conductor had to make a pit stop…when you get old, your kidneys start to fail.

–Metro North Train

Overheard by: Kristin

Posted on July 16, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Ass, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Conductors, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Love, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Passengers, Pee, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Soho, Starbucks, Street, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Promoting Sexy Racist Stereotypes: the Women

Hispanic girl: …yeah, I like that, it’s cool, but do they have it in a 16?
White girl: I think they only have 12s and 6s left.
Hispanic girl: Well, I’m not really a 16. It’s just this huge ass I have here. If you don’t count that, I’m a 12.

–Old Navy, Chelsea

Girl #1: I didn’t ask to be born.
Girl #2: Yeah, I didn’t ask our parents to be born into this cold, hard, cruel world.
Girl #1: Yeah!
Girl #2: On top of everything I had to be born black too, and a woman!
Girl #1: Yeah!
Girl #2: …but I was born light-skinned and have a big ass!

–Matsuri, Chelsea

Overheard by: Tamika J.

Posted on July 13, 2015
Ass, Beauty, Body Parts, Business and Commerce, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Family Ties, Fat People, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Parents, Race

Thanks, Charles Atlas!

Ghetto girl #1: Girl! I ain’t seen you in forever!
Ghetto girl #2: Yeah! How ya been?
Ghetto girl #1 pointing to her ass: Look! Mmm!
Ghetto girl #2: Huh?
Ghetto girl #1: Last time you saw me I ain’t got no ass! Now… I got an ass!
Ghetto girl #2: Ohhh! Bye!

–35th & 8th

Overheard by: Dan

Posted on July 11, 2015
Ass, Ghetto Chicks, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen

Every Wednesday One-Liner Has Its Price

Woman to another: She had one baby at her breast and another baby sitting next to her, trying to sell chicklets.

–10 Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: Jarrod

Young man to young woman: Sell it on the black market or give it up for adoption. That's basically your only two options.

–Grand St, Chinatown

Overheard by: Mike Posillico

Crazy woman to entire bus: My husband be given my money to all those hoes. That's why I gotta sell coffee. But at least I'm not sellin' my ass… (gets distracted by radio) Oh, this is a nice song.

–Bx15 Bus

Overheard by: Karly

Father of four, attempting herd jumping children on street: Okay, the next child that doesn't listen to me will be sold!

–34th & 3rd

Overheard by: Dahouhou

Midwestern lady tourist to husband: Huh, Virgin. I wonder what they sell there.

–14th St, across Doomed Megastore

Overheard by: Not buyin what they're sellin

Posted on July 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Bus, Chinatown, Coffee, Couples, Crazies, Dads, Food, Kids, Marriage, Men, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, Prostitution, Rack, Rockefeller Center, Shopping, Should've Used a Condom, Singing, Store, Street, Stupidity, Threats, Tourism, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

The DVD's Selling Briskly

Girl #1: Will you be my Valentine?
Girl #2: Of course!
Girl #1: Yay! Let's smear dark chocolate all over our buttocks and spank each other with peacock feathers! And suck on each others candy necklaces.
Girl #2: You're kinky.
Girl #1: You know it.

–Bleecker St

Overheard by: kinkyvalentines

Posted on July 9, 2015
Ass, Celebrations/Parties, Fashion, Food, Girls, Offers and requests, Questions, The Village, Weirdness

My Ass Exceeds the Specifications for Tights, As Set Forth by the School Handbook

Girl #1: It's really warm, and I really want to take these pants off.
Girl #2: That shirt's long enough to cover your butt, and you're wearing tights under it, right?
Girl #1: Yeah, but still. I'm not white.

–Stuyvesant High School

Posted on July 8, 2015
Ass, Clothing, Colors, Girls, Heat, Nudity, Stuyvesant, Wishes & desires

Crazy Hobo Says What We're All Thinking

Street preacher: You need the blood! The blood of Jesus!
Crazy hobo: You need a good butt fucking! Right in the mouth!

–Union Square

Posted on July 1, 2015
Ass, Backdoor, Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Comebacks, Crazies, Hobos, Jesus, Preachers, Union Square and East Village

Why It's Important Not to Teach Teenagers Biology

14-year-old girl: I'm gonna kick her ass so hard her lip will be on his placenta.
Teenager group of friends, shouting: Yeah, kill that bitch.

–Times Square

Posted on June 27, 2015
Ass, Body Parts, Fighting and ass kicking, Kick, Murder, Nicknames & name calling, Teens, Threats, Times Square

…Being Totally Confused About “Scratch 'n Sniff”

Suit #1: So I don't get it: if he got her a card, why is she mad.
Suit #2: (muffled reply)
Suit #1: He did what?
Suit #2: She was getting ready to go out and he lodged the card in the crack of her ass…

–Pen Station

Posted on June 25, 2015
Anger Management, Ass, Penn Station, Questions, Suits, Weirdness