Big girl #1: Your ass is hanging out. You know you're too big for those shorts.
Big girl #2: Shut up. You know everyone likes watching my shit go all boom boom.
Big girl #3: You're gonna boom boom some guy's nuts off with that thing some day.
–8th & 36th
Overheard by: Km
Crazy preacher man: Look up! You see that ball in the sky? It's not the sun. It's hell!
–Times Square
Subway preacher: Someone is gonna drive your car to your funeral, wearing your bling bling.
–Downtown A Train
Street bible pusher: Don't wait for the asteroids to rain down on you! Asteroids are heading this way now!
–6th Ave & 32nd St
Random crazy dude: Repent, all ye sinners! Get your ass to Genesis!
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: LiD
Street preacher handing out bible verses: Jesus saves! Jesus saves! (to suit walking by) Not you! There's nothing good about you!
–8th Ave below 23rd St
Thug teenager to woman shoving umbrella between doors to keep them open: Shit, woman! You'd best pull that umbrella out. This ain't no number train, we will leave yo ass!
–R Train
Very excited middle-aged woman hearing doo-wop singers board train: Woooo! Music train!
–R Train
Overheard by: astoria mets fan
Girl on subway car looking at subway map: What, there's no "you are here"?
–A Train
Overheard by: Rins
20-something girl: Ugh, I hate the subway. They need to, like, invent a, like, above-ground transportation system!
–6 Train
Man walking onto train, slowly: All the premium seats are taken.
–A Train
Overheard by: glad i'm in first class
Asian guy #1: Hey, I know why I'm so hot.
Asian guy #2: Why?
Asian guy #1: Because I have my volleyball shorts on.
Asian guy #2: Good. I was wondering why your butt looked so big.
–American Apparel Flea Market
Old dog lady, smoking: Me, I've already been spayed.
–Dog Adoption Booth, Brooklyn
Overheard by: PrairieSquid
Old woman to another: Darling, I didn't know your husband was still alive!
–Restaurant, Upper East Side
Elderly black woman, yelling to line of cars honking their horns for Puerto Rican Day parade: Get yo punk asses back to 5th Ave!
–Grand & Graham
Elderly woman, complaining to physical therapist: I keep walkin' like I'm drunk (pause) Cause I am drunk.
–12th & University
Overheard by: tbs
Old lady, after being knocked down by man on bike: You know what… Go to hell! (giggles to herself) I haven't said that in a looong time.
–Union Square
Overheard by: letthesunshine
Very fat man in suit: Excuse me, miss, could you move your bag so I could sit in that seat?
Thin girl: With all due respect, sir, even if I did move this bag, there's no way your fat ass will fit here.
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: thinks he should try Weight Watchers
Headline by: JohnAustin
Runners-Up:
· “”Let Me Rephrase. Excuse Me, BITCH…”” – Paul Tabachneck
· “New Yorkers: Keeping It Real Since 1886” – Nicole
· “She’ll Be His First Target When He Becomes a Serial Killer” – Muse on the Loose
· “She’ll Gain 200 Pounds When She Gets Pregnant” – Vanessa
· “Southwest Airlines Has Already Made This Point” – Michellinator
· “Under a Fat Man, Nobody Can Hear You Scream” – Trey Jackson
· “Weigh Watchers Has a New Recruiting Campaign Called “Honesty”” – Lauren
Gay guy to friend: I woke up this morning with a condom hanging out my butt. Was that you?
–Madison Square Park
Gay 30-something: Ugh, Borat quotes are like the UGG boot of conversation.
–Broadway & Spring
Really gay guy to friend: You don't know about the Holy Trinity? It's Liza, Judy and Barbra!
–Fort Washington Ave. & 183rd St
Overheard by: RED
Flamboyant gay: My hair's too straight. I need to gay it up a bit.
–Bryant Park
Flamboyant guy: My life in New York has been more fabulous than I ever thought! I almost hit Elaine Stritch with a car this weekend!
–W 18th St
Overheard by: Dan Friedman
Girl: And she was like “I usually only play the nice girls, so I'm excited to play someone sinister.”
Gay guy, laughing out loud: Did she actually say that? I hate her!
Girl: I know, right? And she has no butt, either! It's just like, flat. What would that look like? Not that anyone should have to imagine her naked.
Gay guy: It's like…a cube. (both laugh)
–Metro North
Student to professor: Yeah, man, you know, because every time I slap you five, now I feel like I'm slapping your father's ass.
–Suffolk County Community College
Overheard by: Wish I was paying attention
Trashy sista' on cell: Did you know you've been nominated for an award? (pause) Yeah, I know! I mean, it's just nice to even be nominated, issa' honor. Yeah, you wanna know whacha been nominated for? You been nominated for the world's biggest deadbeat daddy!
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: I don't work here
Demi-bum to another, looking at postcards at a convenience store: Oh, I want to send a postcard to my father: Doing shitty, wish you cared!
–Fulton & Water
Teen girl to friend: Of course I got him tested!…but he wasn't the father either.
–145th & Broadway
Guard: Did you hear about that 9-year-old girl who gave birth to her own twin? I'm serious! It was inside her stomach and then she gave birth to it. And the craziest part is that the twin was from another father!
–74th & Madison
Latina girl to friend: You know, I don't even know what I saw in that loser. I should've dumped his ass the first time he tried hitting on my dad!
–58th & 6th
Overheard by: Tim J.
Jamaican man: The biggest issue of our society is not terrorism but men lusting after women's butts! If you lust after women's butts you will burn in hell! Women, do not show off your butts for you will burn in hell! Do not wear jeans or tight pants! Make sure you cover up your butts!
Passenger: I love the butts.
Jamaican man: Do you have no soul? The lust of the women's butts will only bring you to the devil! Please save yourself and stop lusting after the butts!
Passenger: Who loves the butts?
All men on train: Yay butts!
–Uptown 4 Train
Overheard by: white girl with a big butt wearing tight pants
