Wednesday One-Liners Wish They Could Marry Themselves

20-something, beating his chest and coughing: John, don't die…you're too young, you're too beautiful, the world needs you to stay alive!

–55th & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

Girl on phone: I just don't see why he doesn't want to do me.

–NYU

Lab assistant on phone: I mean, I love the way I look. And they way I talk…well, that's fine. But that laugh? Dear god.

–NYU Computer Lab

Overheard by: meli$$a

Man on cell: So that's it? You're genetically superior to her, case closed?

–5th Ave & 16th St

Overheard by: Prof. Creepyhugz

Tall black guy to shorter, buff black guy: It's not about your looks or the way you're built: you've got charisma, you've got something that draws people to you. I know because I've got it too.

–Planet Sushi, Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: Suze V

Female student, walking in: Okay! The princess is back and she feels ten pounds lighter!

–Borough Manhattan Community College Computer Lab

Overheard by: Steve

Posted on March 25, 2009
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Beauty, Black People, College, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Death, Diet/Weight, Girls, Guys, Laughter, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Science, Sex, Street, Students, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

And Let Him Trim Your Bush

Girl #1: He's just like Edward Scissorhands.
Girl #2: Yeah, he's like, just so awkward. But he's so cute you just want to give him a hug.

–NYU Student Center

Posted on March 16, 2009
Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Hugs, Movies, NYU

New Yorkers: “Stars?”

Random guy sitting at bar: I just wanted to let you know that your freckles are truly beautiful.
20-something girl: Uh…thanks.
Random guy sitting at bar: Ya, a girl without freckles is like a night without stars.

–Murray Hill Bar

Posted on March 15, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Physical appearance

Mind If We Take a Photograph with You, Crazy Local Man?

Creepy local guy to tourist couple: Where are you guys from, are you from Boston?
Tourist man: No, we are from France.
Local guy: Oh, you're from France. I knew you were too good looking to be from Boston.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Nathan

Posted on March 13, 2009
Beauty, Couples, Creepsters, Foreigners, On the Subway, Questions, Tourism

Does This Wednesday Go to One-Liner Street?

Four-year old to his father, dreamily: Let's go on the u train! The beautiful u train!

–D Line

Overheard by: Caitlin

Ditzy girl to friend: I hope there's an exit at this station.

–96th St Station

Amiable suit, answering cell: Hi, hon. (pause) Well, I can't talk long–I have to drive this train.

–Amtrak, Penn Station

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Little boy: Is this train going to move, or what?

–Transit Museum

Overheard by: Rita

MTA worker in booth, over intercom: Hello everyone. The cost to ride the subway is $2. Only $2. The woman in that blue leather jacket and red hat thinks it's free. If you are standing next to a woman in a blue leather jacket and a red hat, tell her she needs to pay her toll like everyone else.

–6 Train Station

Posted on March 11, 2009
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Cars and Driving, Clothing, Dads, Free stuff!, Friends, Girls, Kids, Money & Class, More museums, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Without Emotional Attachment: Myth or Reality?

Dressed up overweight 20-something girl to another: We're in our 20s. We're like supposed to be slutty, right?

–Norman & Diamond

Overheard by: Guess I missed the memo 20-something girl

College girl to another: You gotta hit it and quit it, like a dude!

–W Broadway & 108th St

Overheard by: Tess

Janky fat woman: He never told me not to tramp!

–5th Ave

Overheard by: Rob

Loud thug with neck tattoos on cell: You know Stud is my son, dude. Stud just wanna hump on women all day.

–Deli, Myrtle Ave, Fort Greene

Overheard by: Myrtle & Carlton

Hipster chick to another: I was wasted! Then I saw him in daylight and said "Holy shit!"

–Havemeyer, Grand Street, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Miss Heather

Lawyerly woman to another: I told him that just because I want to fuck does not mean that we have to love each other.

–Foley Square

Overheard by: Julio

Random guy to cute girl: Good luck, honey. What you wake up with, you're stuck with.

–Jimmy Steiny's, Hyatt Street, Staten Island

Posted on March 11, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Delis, Fat People, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Hook Ups, Horny, Lawyers, Love, On Cell, Parents, Physical appearance, Promiscuity, Relationships, Sex, Sorority Girls, Staten Island, Street, Thugs, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires, Women

I Could Move One Arm Slightly, But That Was About It

Ghetto boy #1: Hey, honey, how old are you?
Ghetto girl: I'm sixteen.
Ghetto boy #1: Hey, you wanna trade phone numbers or aim or something?
Ghetto girl: No, thanks. (leaves)
Ghetto boy #2: Ooooooh. Damn.
Ghetto boy #1: Shut up, Justin! At least I don't date ugly-ass hos like you!
Ghetto boy #2: What about Veronica?
Ghetto boy #1: I only fucked Veronica cause I was trapped!
Ghetto boy #2: Nigga, how you be trapped?
Ghetto boy #1: Fuck, man, she weighs 300 pounds!

–Pizza Place, St. Mark's Place

Posted on March 1, 2009
Age/Aging, Beauty, Boys, Diet/Weight, Ghetto Chicks, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Union Square and East Village

Like, Elizabeth Taylor Sad

Blonde in stilettos: My boss told me that she slept with Mick Jagger.
Blonde in pumps: Recently?
Blonde in stilettos: No, back when he was beautiful.
Blonde in pumps: He was beautiful?
Blonde in stilettos: In the sixties.
Blonde in pumps: That's so sad.

–Marquee's

Posted on February 28, 2009
Age/Aging, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Girls, Music, Questions

But She Has Fielded Some Balls in Her Day, If You Catch My Drift

Girl in bathroom #1: God, I look horrible today. This is what Madonna must look like after playing some baseball with a rod. (pause) if you know what I mean…
Girl in bathroom #2: Are you really that dumb? Madonna is a singer, not a baseball player…everyone knows that!

–Macy's

Overheard by: Home run for ester!

Posted on February 27, 2009
About Celebrities, Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Physical appearance, Sports, Store, Stupidity

Beauty