Fuck One-Liners and the Wednesday They Rode in on

Angry woman, venting: Oh, but he doesn't know I scrapbook like a motherfucker.

–M&J Trimming

Girl, screaming: Fuck you, International Baccalaureate!

–Brooklyn

Really angry guy on cell: I'm talkin' about mothafuckin' cookies and apple juice!

–23rd & 6th

Overheard by: Q

Well-dressed black man, addressing entire train: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to talk to you today about… fucking. You see, everybody likes to fuck. My parents love to fuck. My ex-wife–she loved to fuck. President Obama, he enjoys fucking…

–Q Train

Overheard by: Hunter

Six-year-old girl to mother, ready for day at the beach: Shit, mom! It's fucking raining!

–Q Train

Suit on cell, cheerily: Okay, fuck you, bye!

–7th Ave & 50th St

Overheard by: dignell

Posted on September 23, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinks, Food, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, President, Sex, Store, Suits, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

She's on the WTC Rebuilding Committee

White man: That hot chocolate slowed my cognitive functioning.
Black woman: Better slow than fast minute-man honky.

–Webster Hall

Overheard by: chinese new year

Posted on September 21, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Horny, Men, Race, Sensory Experiences, Union Square and East Village, White People, Women

Unlike This Guy

Little old black lady: Excuse me.
Metro guy in sunglasses with legs spread across three seats: (no response)
Little old black lady: Son! I know your balls can't be that big. Close your damn legs!
(other people laugh, and Metro guy closes legs)

–N Train

Posted on September 14, 2009
Balls, Black People, Body Parts, Comebacks, Guys, Height, Laughter, Old People, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Women

Dear Diary, Met the Nicest Girl Today

Black guy to black girl: Are you a lesbian?
Black girl: Ha ha! No.
Black guy: What, you don't like pussy?
Black girl: No.
Black guy: I like pussy, why don't you show me yours?
Latina girl: Sit down.
(black guy sits down, Latina girl puts hands in his pants)

–Uptown 2 Train

Posted on September 7, 2009
Black People, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Latinos, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Vagina

Wednesday One-Liners Symbolically Take Back the Power

Black dude to friend: Well, check this out my nigga! Cracking your knuckles does not lead to arthritis… Mythbusters, my nigga!

–Park Slope

Black pimp on cell: That nigger ain't even give you a little nigga baby. All that nigga ever do is just fuck you and leave your ass, bitch. You got a child yoself, take care of your real nigga baby, because that's the nigga who keeps with you. That nigga won't fuck any other sluts. (notices everybody's staring at him) What the fuck y'all niggas lookin at?

–Social Security Office, East Village

Would-be feminist: Pussy don't have no power no more, because if it did, niggas wouldn't be doin' what they do.

–Jefferson Ave & Throop Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jocasta Spell

Polish woman, walking up to group of ghetto fabs: Yo' wut up, my niggas? (pounds fist with ghetto fab guy)

–Delancy St

Overheard by: Kirkegaard

Crazy black man on phone: When you talk like that I'm gonna call you the N-word! (pause) Don't talk like that! (pause) I want to have sex with you.

–Murray Hill

Posted on September 2, 2009
Activists, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Black People, Crazies, Friends, Gangstas, Gender issues, Guys, Illness, Insults, Languages, Lower East Side, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Office, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Sex, Street, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Bowling for Wednesday One-Liner

Drunk thug, reflecting on his baby-mama's new man: I love motherfuckin' guns, and that's the bottom line, but I don't wanna go to jail.

–Bar, Cortelyou Road

Boy to limping blonde struggling to keep up: Oh my god, if you were a horse I would shoot you.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: The Game

Father to two small children, pulling them away from the register: C'mon, guys. Let's go before mommy shoots herself.

–Forbidden Planet, 13th & Broadway

Loud black girl: It's Manhattan, I don't have to worry about getting shot.

–NYU

Guy on cell: Hey man, aren't you tired of being shot?

–Queens Center Mall

Posted on September 2, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Boys, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Families, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kids, Malls, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Only in New York, Parents, Prison, Queens, Questions, Shoot, Store, Suicide, The Village, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Don't Get Mad. Get Wednesday One-Liner.

Super gay dude to equally gay friend: You can tell she's mad when she starts using adjectives.

–Starbucks, Astor Place

Overheard by: liat

Angry black man to white man standing too close: Fool, whatcha think you're doin? You tryin' to get all up on me? You don't know what I could do. I could bust a cap in yo ass. I'm an angry black man!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Bex

Black man to Asian woman he's trying to hit on: Why won't you talk to me, baby? You still mad about the Korean war?

–145th & Broadway

Older woman on cell: Trixie, you have to stop kicking things when you get mad!

–40th & Broadway

Overheard by: Sean

Trampy Spanish girl to cranky Spanish guy: Why are you mad? It was just a blowjob, and he's your brother!

–West Village

Overheard by: Stifled A. Guffaw

Posted on September 2, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Asians, Ass, BJs, Black People, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kick, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Queer guys, Questions, Race, Starbucks, Street, Stupidity, Threats, Union Square and East Village, War, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, White People, Women, Words

80's Pop: The Universal Language

Black dude in deli, listening to Michael Jackson on radio: I can't hear another Michael Jackson song.
Arab guy behind counter: How old are you?
Black dude: 25.
Arab guy: See, I'm 37. When I was five, until 15, this was all that was playing.
(Billie Jean is now playing) “Don't go around breaking young girls' hearts!”
Black dude: Too late.

–Brooklyn

Posted on August 31, 2009
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, Black People, Brooklyn, Clerks, Customers, Delis, Love, Music, Singing

…But How About a Smidge Darker, Like My Soul?

Cashier: What can I get for you?
Black woman: I'd like a bagel, toasted. Can you do that? (cashier looks confused) Ya know, like my skin? Really dark?
Cashier: Uh, sure.

–Bagel Express

Overheard by: can you do it like my skin to?

Posted on August 30, 2009
Black People, Cashiers, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Food, Offers and requests, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes

And, Also, That I Be White.

Asian teen to black friend: So my grandmother is making me learn Chinese. Does she not get that I don't wish to visit, let alone live, in China?! Like ever?
Black friend: I hear you loud and clear. Ever since Obama became President my granny has not stopped requesting that I birth her great grandchildren in Hawaii with a Kenyan diplomat.

–1 Train

Overheard by: well good luck to you

Posted on August 28, 2009
Asians, Black People, Family Ties, Friends, Languages, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, President, Questions, Race, Stupidity, Teens, Travel, Wishes & desires

Black People