Indian guy: No homo!
Black guy: Man, “no homo” is wrong. That's like a white person saying, “yo, word up?” and a black guy saying, “no negro!” (pause) Shit's fucked up.
–Columbia University
Indian guy: No homo!
Black guy: Man, “no homo” is wrong. That's like a white person saying, “yo, word up?” and a black guy saying, “no negro!” (pause) Shit's fucked up.
–Columbia University
Black hipster to gangsta friend: Nigga, when I come here I feel like I'm surrounded by Jackie Chan.
Gangsta friend: My dick looks like Jackie Chan.
Black hipster: Man, why you always gotta talk about yo dick?
Gangsta friend: What are you nigga, a faggot?
–Chinatown
Professional-sounding female on cell in bathroom stall: What? (sounds of toilet paper roll) In the bathroom? No! (indignantly) I…I'm…near the bathroom!
–Women's Bathroom, FAO Schwartz
Overheard by: near the computer
Girl to friend in bathroom stall: That crack in the door is big enough for me to see the crack of 'yo ass.
–Women's Bathroom, Hunter College
Man exiting bathroom stall to waiting man: No, no, no. Feces.
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: matt
Black loud cleaning lady to Asian woman: Excuse me, miss? Why you gotta be leaving the seat up? You always leave the seat up! Putting the seat up is okay, but if you put it up, put it down!
–Ladies Room, LIRR
Overheard by: BK
Guy on cell in toilet stall: Now I am unbuckling my belt. (pause) Now I am unzipping my pants. (pause) Now I am pulling down my pants. (pause) Now I am pulling down my underwear. (pause) Now I am sitting down.
–Men's Room, Billy Elliott
Old guy peeing in a urinal, with childlike delight and glee: Wheeeee! Wheeeeeeeeee! Wooooooooooooo! Wheeeeeeeee!
–Men's Room, McDonald's
Flamboyant foreigner: I changed my MySpace to say I like girls.
–Washington Square Park
Suit on cell: I'm gonna twitter my fucking ass off tonight.
–City Hall
Overheard by: Samantha Sharifi
Girl on cell: Do they not have people in the US that follow the Blue Book? They have to get some guy from Oxford butt fuck to do it? It's so annoying. It's so annoying! Like, I want to take a strap on and fuck my computer. Well, not my computer, but the guy's computer, for having done this to me.
–11th St & 5th Ave
Middle aged African American woman to group of friends: I'm going on MySpace to comment that she abandoned her child!
–8th Ave & 42nd St
Businesswoman to friend: I just like having a family, you know? And you can't get that on Craigslist.
–33rd St.
Overheard by: Rio
High school girl with iPod: Do you think this church has Wi-Fi?
–St. Paul's Catholic Church
Angry bus driver: Get out of my rear. Get out of my rear.
–Q44 Bus
Overheard by: This is why men do not give birth
Law professor, pulling out a cough drop: Sorry guys, if I don't suck on this, I just won't make it.
–CUNY Law School
Overheard by: That's what she said
Chemistry teacher: No, it's really warm here. (pause) Feel my test-tube.
–Stuyvesant High School
Large black lady to girlfriend: I'm not gonna let him put his babbaganush in my peace pipe!
–Houston St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: ian has a face
Loud woman on cell: Yes, he stuck it up my right one, and when it was halfway in, I was like "ow, you need to take it out!" and then he stuck it up my left one, and I felt no discomfort!
–72nd & 2nd
Old lady to another: So is there an oral tradition in your family then?
–86th & Broadway
Overheard by: Frenchie
Buff 20-something black guy: Yeah, she was that one I was going out with last summer.
Tall 30-something black guy: So what happened?
Buff younger black guy: She got fat! In like two weeks! And also, she was cheating on me: she never told me she hadn't broken up with her boyfriend at the time!
–Planet Sushi, Amsterdam Ave
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Chick on cell: Are you sure this is a sex trip and not a "meet-my-parents" trip?
–14th St
Overheard by: Argopelter
Laughing woman on cell: I'm going to be so busy when I get back! My week of relaxation is just going to be ruined by a hurricane.
–Starbucks, Park Ave South & 29th
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Guy to three hot girls carrying luggage: Oh, hello, ladies. I also travel! What a coincidence! (girls walk away laughing) You can run! I will find you! It's only a matter of time!
–Financial District
Black woman on phone: Ya, man, I just got back from Miami. Shit, I'm still jet lagged!
–Wendy's, Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: oh really?
Blonde girl on plane to another: I figured out on this trip that if you pack your lightest clothes on the bottom of your suitcase it will weigh less! Coming in, my suitcase weighed 54 pounds, and going home it only weighed 46! (second blonde nods knowingly)
–LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: Meagan O.
Hobo: Hey girls, could you spare some change? Please? It's for my Hawaii fund! I'm gonna wear a bikini and dance the hula. And fuck it, I'm freezing my butt off!
–University Place & 10th St
Overheard by: queenofscots
Hispanic woman: Thank god for big titties!
Older black woman: (mumbles)
Hispanic woman: Shit. (pause) I know, right? They help!
–4 Train
Overheard by: ReppinDa215
Jersey man, describing doughnuts to his daughter: And this one has so much chocolate…so much chocolate it will turn your skin brown!
Brown-skinned employee: Um, that's not true.
Jersey man: Look at this guy! He used to be Swedish!
–The Doughnut Plant
Black woman security guard: My coworker smoked half a cigarette and tossed it, but before it hit the ground some guy grabbed it and started smoking it.
Black guy: That shit nasty!
Black woman security guard: Sheeeit, cigarettes are $10 a pack!! That's a bag of weed, yo!
–Au Bon Pain, 35th &7th
Overheard by: Darkua
