Wednesday One-Liners Call It “Extreme Sharing”

20-something hipster to friend, punching him in the arm: Dude, you stole my Facebook status!

–Central Park

Overheard by: dude, just think up a new one!

Cable man to another, standing in line at Wendy's: Yeah, I was across the street at Popeyes, but it looked like some man was going to rob the place, so I came here instead.

–Flatbush & Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Anna

Crazy lady to pigeon: Get outta here! You ain't gonna get none if you beg. You gotta wait for me to give it to you. (throws bread in other direction) That's why you ain't get none. (a few minutes later, she gets up to leave) Alright. It's been real. Thank for not stealing my potato chips.

–Tribeca Park

Four-year-old boy to mom: Mom, when you take chips from my bag without asking, you're stealing. We talked about this. We talked about this at length.

–Uptown 3 Train

Overheard by: This girl from NY

Posted on June 12, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Brooklyn, Central Park, Crazies, Crime and Punishment, Facebook, Fears, Food, Friends, Hipsters, Kids, Men, Moms, On the Subway, One-liners, Paranoia, Parents, Parks, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Thievery, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday RU-486-Liners

Guy on cell: That's the good thing about abortions–you can have like three a day.

–14th St & 6th Ave

Ghetto dude: I told her, I was like "if you get pregnant you best get an abortion, cause I ain't helping you with that shit." I mean, I would help her, but I gotta get that shit in her head.

–N Train

Overheard by: Jill

30-something woman to boyfriend: There be some muthafuckas up in here who think this shit some form of birth control. I'm woman enough; I gave birth to six kids. I ain't doin' it again.

–Abortion Clinic, Queens

Crazy guy on subway, preaching: You know why there's 100 million Mexicans in America? Abortion!

–W Train

Posted on May 29, 2019
Abortion, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Crazies, Family Ties, Guys, Hospitals, Insults, Kids, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Preachers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queens, Questions, Stupidity, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners

Would You Like One, Though?

Duane Reade cashier: Do you have a club card?
Crazy hobo: No, I don't have a club card. I work my way through this life. I don't need nobody doin' me no favors. A favor is like a handjob. I don't need one.

–Duane Reade

Posted on May 24, 2019
Cashiers, Crazies, Crazy, Duane Reade, Hand-Jobs, Hobos, Questions, Shopping, Weirdness

Vaguely Christian Wednesday One-Liners

Crazy homeless guy: Ya see, I don’t like the Baptists, because I’m a Roman Catholic. But I would hire a Baptist man, because I like the doughnuts.

–4 train

Overheard by: Russ Wall

Little boy skipping: I did not commit a sin!

–Central Park

Yuppie chick on cell: It’s really easy to convert to Protestantism. All you have to do is kill a few Catholics, Martin Luther King style. Okay, I gotta go, I have a train to catch.

–Montague St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: I’d like to know where she studied history

Man bowing head: Hail Mary, full of– ah, fuck it.

–Northbound Q train

Posted on May 7, 2019
Christianity, Crazies, Kids, On Cell, Yuppies

Wednesday One-Liners Thank God for Their Piggy Banks

Little boy,jumping up and down: The Dow Jones is up! The Dow Jones is up!

–86th & Lexington

Overheard by: Some Random Girl

Crazy man, shouting at no one in particular: Fuck the economy, your asshole just dropped 200 points!

–8th Ave & 19th St

Slacker on a smoke break: Yeah, McCain said he is going to suspend his campaign so that he can work on the economy. I mean, really. It would be like me saying I'm suspending my pot distribution so that I can work on quantum physics.

–Forest Ave., Staten Island

Overheard by: political listener

Hobo on subway to man in suit: Spare change? Anyone? Spare change for the homeless? You look like you worked for Lehman Brothers, you're excused.

–51st St

Overheard by: Kate

Posted on April 18, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Business and Commerce, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Panhandling, Politics, Staten Island, Suits, Upper East Side, Weed, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Did Chop Down That Cherry Tree

Well dressed party-goer: No, like, I went to Princeton -we lied all the time.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Cuny Graduate

Dude on cell: Okay… Great. Yeah. But I gotta go. My mom’s calling. [Hangs up, shoves phone in pocket.]

–Wagner College, Staten Island

Overheard by: Squiggs

Woman on cell: I just don’t understand why he got so freaked out about it. I said "I love you" -big fucking deal. That doesn’t mean anything. I could have been lying. I was lying, for Christ’s sake.

–L Train

Crazy hobo: Hillary Clinton is a liar, she lies. We’ve been married for 28 years and she won’t admit to it. Liar. Afraid of integration, that’s Hillary.

–E Train

Overheard by: Liz Beaux

Suit on cell to his wife: Yeah… Yeah… Oh, honey, I have to go, this is it, the train’s here. Bye! [Clicks over to the other line.] Hey buddy! How’s it going!

–125th St. Subway platform

Overheard by: EthanK

Twentysomething player on cell, picking fresh hairs off him : I feel you, I feel you, I can’t meet up with you now, I have to go to Forest Hills to get my haircut.

–N Train

Overheard by: john

Guy on cell: Most people lie to get out of jury duty and here I am being honest about NAMBLA.

–73rd & 2nd

Overheard by: melissa

Posted on March 19, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Crazies, Crazy, Education, Family Ties, Guys, Hair, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Lies, Love, Marriage, On Cell, On the Subway, Players, Politics, Public Transportation, Staten Island, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women, Words

The City’s Already on Report

Crazy lady: Where are we?
Stranger: New York City.
Crazy lady: Should I call 911?

–Amtrak

Overheard by: tj

Posted on February 1, 2019
Crazies, Directions, Questions, Strangers, Trains Not Subway, U.S. Geography, Weirdness, Women

What's Your Sign, Wednesday One-Liner?

Young man to pretty girl with glasses eating hot dog: That hot dog matches your beautiful glasses!

–Hot Dog Stand, 34th St

Overheard by: gothchick

Dude to girls crossing street: Hey, miss ladies! Youse look nice out!

–Ludow & Stanton

Overheard by: M & J

Guy to girl passing by: El sexy-o! I know how to say it in Spanish, I wanna know how to say it in Caucasian!

–14th St & 1st Ave

Crazy guy: Hey, Snow White! Come talk to Black Beauty. Cuz you know vanilla and chocolate make a good fudge, girl.

–W 110th St

Overheard by: Ashley

Bro standing in sidewalk, harassing passing girls: Hello! I've been waiting all my life for you! Hello, where have you been all my life? Hello, I eat pussy. Hello, I've got money. Hello?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Posted on November 20, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Columbia University, Compliments, Crazies, Food, Girls, Guys, Hot dog stands, Junk Food & Fast Food, Language Barrier, Lower East Side, Money & Class, One-liners, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Race, Strangers, Street, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

It’s a Down Payment Toward Freeing Those Pesky Alien Ghosts

A tourist stops in front of the Free Stress Test table.

Tourist lady: How much for the stress test?
Scientologist guy: 8 bucks.

–Times Square station

Posted on November 14, 2018
Business and Commerce, Crazies, Idiots, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, People, Places, Religion, Times Square, Topics, Tourists

Crazies