Vaguely Christian Wednesday One-Liners

Crazy homeless guy: Ya see, I don’t like the Baptists, because I’m a Roman Catholic. But I would hire a Baptist man, because I like the doughnuts.

–4 train

Overheard by: Russ Wall

Little boy skipping: I did not commit a sin!

–Central Park

Yuppie chick on cell: It’s really easy to convert to Protestantism. All you have to do is kill a few Catholics, Martin Luther King style. Okay, I gotta go, I have a train to catch.

–Montague St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: I’d like to know where she studied history

Man bowing head: Hail Mary, full of– ah, fuck it.

–Northbound Q train

Posted on May 7, 2019
Christianity, Crazies, Kids, On Cell, Yuppies

Wednesday One-Liners Thank God for Their Piggy Banks

Little boy,jumping up and down: The Dow Jones is up! The Dow Jones is up!

–86th & Lexington

Overheard by: Some Random Girl

Crazy man, shouting at no one in particular: Fuck the economy, your asshole just dropped 200 points!

–8th Ave & 19th St

Slacker on a smoke break: Yeah, McCain said he is going to suspend his campaign so that he can work on the economy. I mean, really. It would be like me saying I'm suspending my pot distribution so that I can work on quantum physics.

–Forest Ave., Staten Island

Overheard by: political listener

Hobo on subway to man in suit: Spare change? Anyone? Spare change for the homeless? You look like you worked for Lehman Brothers, you're excused.

–51st St

Overheard by: Kate

Posted on April 18, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Business and Commerce, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Panhandling, Politics, Staten Island, Suits, Upper East Side, Weed, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Did Chop Down That Cherry Tree

Well dressed party-goer: No, like, I went to Princeton -we lied all the time.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Cuny Graduate

Dude on cell: Okay… Great. Yeah. But I gotta go. My mom’s calling. [Hangs up, shoves phone in pocket.]

–Wagner College, Staten Island

Overheard by: Squiggs

Woman on cell: I just don’t understand why he got so freaked out about it. I said "I love you" -big fucking deal. That doesn’t mean anything. I could have been lying. I was lying, for Christ’s sake.

–L Train

Crazy hobo: Hillary Clinton is a liar, she lies. We’ve been married for 28 years and she won’t admit to it. Liar. Afraid of integration, that’s Hillary.

–E Train

Overheard by: Liz Beaux

Suit on cell to his wife: Yeah… Yeah… Oh, honey, I have to go, this is it, the train’s here. Bye! [Clicks over to the other line.] Hey buddy! How’s it going!

–125th St. Subway platform

Overheard by: EthanK

Twentysomething player on cell, picking fresh hairs off him : I feel you, I feel you, I can’t meet up with you now, I have to go to Forest Hills to get my haircut.

–N Train

Overheard by: john

Guy on cell: Most people lie to get out of jury duty and here I am being honest about NAMBLA.

–73rd & 2nd

Overheard by: melissa

Posted on March 19, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Crazies, Crazy, Education, Family Ties, Guys, Hair, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Lies, Love, Marriage, On Cell, On the Subway, Players, Politics, Public Transportation, Staten Island, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women, Words

The City’s Already on Report

Crazy lady: Where are we?
Stranger: New York City.
Crazy lady: Should I call 911?

–Amtrak

Overheard by: tj

Posted on February 1, 2019
Crazies, Directions, Questions, Strangers, Trains Not Subway, U.S. Geography, Weirdness, Women

What's Your Sign, Wednesday One-Liner?

Young man to pretty girl with glasses eating hot dog: That hot dog matches your beautiful glasses!

–Hot Dog Stand, 34th St

Overheard by: gothchick

Dude to girls crossing street: Hey, miss ladies! Youse look nice out!

–Ludow & Stanton

Overheard by: M & J

Guy to girl passing by: El sexy-o! I know how to say it in Spanish, I wanna know how to say it in Caucasian!

–14th St & 1st Ave

Crazy guy: Hey, Snow White! Come talk to Black Beauty. Cuz you know vanilla and chocolate make a good fudge, girl.

–W 110th St

Overheard by: Ashley

Bro standing in sidewalk, harassing passing girls: Hello! I've been waiting all my life for you! Hello, where have you been all my life? Hello, I eat pussy. Hello, I've got money. Hello?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Posted on November 20, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Columbia University, Compliments, Crazies, Food, Girls, Guys, Hot dog stands, Junk Food & Fast Food, Language Barrier, Lower East Side, Money & Class, One-liners, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Race, Strangers, Street, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

It’s a Down Payment Toward Freeing Those Pesky Alien Ghosts

A tourist stops in front of the Free Stress Test table.

Tourist lady: How much for the stress test?
Scientologist guy: 8 bucks.

–Times Square station

Posted on November 14, 2018
Business and Commerce, Crazies, Idiots, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, People, Places, Religion, Times Square, Topics, Tourists

Assuming I’m Straight? Bitch!

MTA booth operator: I’m sorry, sir. We don’t sell Metro cards from this booth. You have to use one of the machines.
Crazy man: You’re a bitch!
MTA booth operator: No, I’m not! Your wife is! If you have one!

–A/C/E, Penn Station

Posted on October 30, 2018
Crazies, Nicknames & name calling, Penn Station

Why Jerry Springer Is a Millionaire.

Drunk crazy woman (slurring words): Yeah? Well, fuck you!
Drunk crazy dude: Yeah! Well, you haven't given me a boner in four years!
Random passerby: Oh, damn!

–Bedford Ave & 11th

Overheard by: Aria Grillo

Posted on August 21, 2018
Brooklyn, Crazies, Default, Drunks, Erections, Etiquette, Insults, Men, Strangers, Weirdness, Women

And Wednesday Said, “Let There Be One-Liners.”

Guy on cell: Suppose there is no god. (pause) Hello? Can you hear me? Suppose there is no god. (pause) Hello? Hello? Can you hear me?

–Bus

Overheard by: Is God trying to tell you something?

Intense man, grasping woman's shoulders: God wanted me to, and I was ready to.

–Near Riverside Church, Morningside Heights

Overheard by: I wish I knew more

Guy, in awed tones, hearing "Le nozze di Figaro" through open window: It's like the voice of God…

–The Bronx

Overheard by: ground floor music lover

Crazy man: There is only one God. There is only one real deal. I can't afford sex anymore.

–Outside Penn Station

Overheard by: That took a turn

Posted on August 12, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, God, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Men, On Cell, On the Bus, Penn Station, Sex, Singing, The Bronx, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Go Through a Grey Period

Girl looking at garbage and dirt spilled on the sidewalk: Gross. You think it’s supposed to be art?

–Broadway & Houston

Literature professor: So anything that anybody ever painted was a Guido?

–NYU Silver Center

Plausibly mad septuagenarian clerk: When I was 16 Stravinsky bought my first painting. It was written up in the paper. A couple of days later, I was kidnapped.

–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Seth

Father to four-year-old son: Looking at art makes your legs tired.

–Metropolitan Museum Lobby

Philistine: I don’t like art in which you have to understand the motivation behind it.

–Outside the Guggenheim

Overheard by: Devoted Puppy

Professor-type man to group of teens looking at Greek sculptures: And if the sculpture’s back is up against the wall and you want to see it from behind, just get up against a wall and look at its ass as much as you can… yeah! It’s not dirty or wrong… Just look at its ass!

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Posted on August 11, 2018
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Clerks, Crazies, Crazy, Dads, Education, Girls, Men, More museums, Music, NYU, Old People, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Met, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Visual Art, Washington Square Park

Crazies