Girl: Did you know that my ancestors invented the thing that links subway cars together?
Guy: Did you know that my ancestors got drunk in the subway cars?
–MTA Transit Museum
Girl: Did you know that my ancestors invented the thing that links subway cars together?
Guy: Did you know that my ancestors got drunk in the subway cars?
–MTA Transit Museum
Girl #1, after friend hangs up her cell: Who was that?
Girl #2: My brother’s baby-mama.
Girl #1: So, your sister-in-law?
Girl #2: No, my brother’s baby-mama.
Girl #1: But she would be your sister-in-law if y’all were married, right?
Girl #2: Yeah, I guess.
Girl #1: So, what’d she say?
Girl #2: My baby-father’s in the hospital. Some girl stabbed him in the back.
Girl #1: Who?
Girl #2: Some girl at a barbecue. I wonder what he did to her.
Girl #1: You just can’t control a man’s actions. He’s gonna do what he’s gonna do.
Girl #2: I’ve gotta go to the hospital now. He better not die!
–PATH
Hipster: Everyone I know is either married, divorced, gay or crazy.
–37th St, Astoria
Overheard by: Matthias Sundberg
Karaoke panhandler singing Gnarls Barkley: "Does that make me craaaaazy? Maybe I'm craaaaaazy!" It's Memorial Day and I'm sitting here singing to people I never met before in my life. Mmmmmm…craaaazy!
–Times Square Subway Station
Black woman to janitor companion: I am so glad I live in the ghetto. These motherfuckers down here are crazy! (companion nods) And I live in the ghe-tto, 2 train ghetto.
–22nd St & 5th Ave
Hobo, watching man and woman having sex against a statue: I think I'm going to have to move to Europe or something. This place is getting too crazy.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Westsider
30-something guy on cell: Well, that's what my crazy sister said about my more crazy sister.
–Broadway & 114th St
Overheard by: mary e.
Little boy in abandoned shopping cart: I've gotta get off this crazy train!
–Target, Atlantic Ave
Man #1: Yeah… So I took my daughter to see that movie, Enchanted.
Man #2: Sounds good… Wait! Isn’t that about a prostitute?!
–333 Lafayette St
Overheard by: OverHearer369
Queer, as someone is trying to push through the crowd: Throw menstrual blood at him! That’s the one thing girls can do to get back at guys! Throw menstrual blood at him!
–Roseland Ballroom
Dad to pre-teen daughter about mom: She is on the rag today. Don’t talk to her this moringing, she’s got an attitude.
–R Train
Girl: I have sexed my period away too!
–Bowery
Businesswoman: So yeah, it still really hurts. I guess it’s cause I got my period last night… [Sees a disgusted look on a male suit’s face.] Blood! Blood! Raaar!
–Wall Street
Overheard by: Withnail
Guy looking like Steven Wozniak circa 1980s: Look at the size of this tea bag compared to the size of my cup.
Homely little house on the prairie girl: I swear my great aunt has the biggest tea bags known to man. You can soak those things for hours and they still won’t shrivel.
–Perch Diner
Overheard by: brandon the short texan tourist
Blonde #1: So my seventy-year-old father-in-law looks at porn!
Blonde #2: So what?
Blonde #3: Yeah, that just means he's a heterosexual guy.
Blonde #1: But that totally changes my opinion about moving into their place when we sell ours. I don't even want to touch his mouse!
Blonde #3: I'm sure he doesn't use the same hand.
Blonde #2: Yeah, you don't switch off like that.
Blonde #3: Yeah, he probably mouses with the right hand and jerks it with the left!
(silence)
Blonde #2: That was the best thing I've ever heard.
–105th St & Broadway
14-year-old Mexican girl #1: I might start telling people he's my son, instead of my little brother.
14-year-old Mexican girl #2: Why would you want to do that?
14-year-old Mexican girl #1: Because then guys will think I'm easy!
–N Train
Yuppie: You’re such a third-generation American Jew.
— Upper West Side
Teen girl #1: I have to write an expository essay on something that has impacted my life.
Teen girl #2: Has anyone in your family ever died?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, but no one, like, close to me.
Teen girl #2: Do you have any, like, retards in your family?
Teen girl #1: No, but I did meet a retard one time… He was, like, really retarded, too. Maybe I’ll write about that…
–F train
