Wednesdays Carry on Behind Their One-Liners' Backs

Guy on cell: You start dating married women, you end up meeting their husbands.

–49th & 6th

Man on cell (guiltless and disinterested): She said I cheated, duh-duh-duh-duh.

–Church St & Barclay

Overheard by: Robert J. Anderson

Female suit on cell: He cheated on me on my 30th birthday in Nantucket and I called my mom to tell her and she said, "Are you ready to give up that lifestyle? He's wealthy and he's gorgeous. I don't want to hear it." But I want someone to be über-attracted to me.

–19th & 8th

Overheard by: Sebastian White

Dude on cell: Hello? (pause) I told you never to call me on this number. (pause) Because I don't want my wife to find out that we're dating.

–6th Ave & 17th St

Psuedo-gansta to friend: Yo, I would cheat on my wife except then you gotta buy them flowers and chocolate and shit. I'd rather spend money on my wife and be happy at home.

–N Train

Girl on cell, doing laundry: Yeah…and then he says that he has a girlfriend and he doesn't cheat on her…so I said, "Really? Then what was your penis just doing in my mouth?"

–Laundromat, 9th Ave & 53rd St

Overheard by: tinyfoo

Posted on December 24, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Beauty, Birthdays, BJs, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dating, Family Ties, Food, Friends, Gangstas, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Home, Sweet Home, Infidelity, Laundromat, Lies, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Questions, Relationships, Street, Suits, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

“Hello? Pot to Kettle Here. You're Wednesday One-Liners.”

Loud, obnoxious man: I hate loud, obnoxious people!

–Nomad Restaurant

Girl with brutal Long Island twang: It's just, like, if you have a Boston accent, you sound, like, so unintelligent. Like, less intelligent than other people, even if you're smart. The accent makes you sound dumb.

–7 Train

Overheard by: IDigGraves94

Angry black woman: Fuck you! I'm a lady!

–Herald Square

Overheard by: Annearchist

Flamboyantly gay man on the phone: Mom, I hate you, stop being such a faggot!

–46th & 5th

Suit on cell: Yeah? Well, she's a bitch and deserves to die. You wanna know why? Because she's ugly and she talks bad about people.

–47th St & 9th Ave

Tourist chick carrying a Starbucks coffee and three shopping bags to friend: We are the type to visit Wall Street and say capitalism is bullshit!

–Broadway & Cedar

Overheard by: mondoman

Posted on December 24, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Death, Family Ties, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Tourism, Tourists, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Hannibal the Wednesday One-Liner

Guy on bench smoking cigarette, on cell: But he has no problem lifting his legs so you can eat his ass.

–Central Park

Cornrowed boy to cornrowed girl: Stop chewing on me!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Kelly D

Random girl showing a picture to friends: I'm eating the baby's head. It's what I do in my spare time.

–College of Staten Island

Overheard by: Nameless

Woman to another with colored contacts: I just want to eat your eyes!

–Elevator, Broadway & 32nd St

Four-year-old boy to teenage babysitter: Oh, yeah? I'm gonna bite your vagina!

–86th & Broadway

Woody Allen lookalike: But buses are so creepy. I mean, what if there are cannibals on the bus?

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: or snakes

Posted on December 24, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Babies, Body Parts, Boys, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Kids, Leisure, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Staten Island, Stupidity, Teens, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Waiting for the Tooth Fairy

Lady on cell: I've been standing here for like fifteen minutes…I don't know which one to choose. It's so hard…it's been like years since I've bought toothpaste.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Doreen

40-something woman: I'm always wondering, is it teeth or tits?

–MJ Armstrong's Public House

Overheard by: JP

Girl to friends looking into camera: Jane* got the foreskin stuck in her teeth.

–Grand St, Brooklyn

Mother to daughter: Your tooth came out last night. I didn't want to disturb you, but at least you have your other teeth in.

–Hester & Grand

Flustered strand employee: He left his teeth on the floor and just took off!

–Strand Bookstore, 12th St & Broadway

Posted on December 24, 2008
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Duane Reade, Families, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Questions, Rack, Store, Street, Stupidity, Stuyvesant Town, The Village, Time, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Rarely has the argument for making Puerto Rico a state been so succinctly put.

Young Puerto Rican: I am so American! you're American if you born in Puerto Rico!
Young Puerto Rican friend: No, you ain't American, nigga!

–Smith & Bergen, Brooklyn

Overheard by: sara astrid

Posted on December 22, 2008
Brooklyn, Comebacks, Friends, Puerto Ricans, Weirdness

And He Barely Has Any Open Sores on His Face

Surprised Teen, after a lengthy conversation between her friend and guy friend: He's gay?
Friend: Mmmhmm…
Surprised Teen: Can't be! He's soooo nice!

–Penn Station

Posted on December 21, 2008
Beauty, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Penn Station, Stupidity, Teens

Pop Quiz: Which Olsen Sister Is Real?

Shaggy 20-something #1: I am your curse.
Shaggy 20-something #2: Curse?
Shaggy 20-something #1: I'm not real. This is you talking.

–10th & 1st

Overheard by: Did I imagine someone's imaginary friend?

Posted on December 20, 2008
Crazy, Friends, Union Square and East Village, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Weirdness

And Now Here's Al Roker With the Wednesday One-Liners!

Homeless guy, giving umbrella to random white girl: This is for you. In case it rains. This (holding up alcohol bottle) is for me. You know why? Because I'm an alcoholic.

–Penn Station

Man to friend, about the Bruce Springsteen concert that night: You know what? If it starts raining, I'm just going to take off my shirt and scream the whole time.

–Penn Station

Girl: We're on an island, it doesn't snow here.

–St. John's University, Staten Island

Overheard by: Ang

Vendor: Man, I know why we're having to pee so much! It's because it's colder and our bladders are shrinking.

–Flea Market, 82nd & Columbus

Overheard by: EthanK

Woman yelling to complete stranger: It's not raining anymore! It stopped raining! You're the only one with an umbrella!

–Port Authority

Posted on December 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Clothing, College, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Hobos, Men, Music, One-liners, Pee, Penn Station, Port Authority, Questions, Staten Island, Store, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, Vendors & Street Performers, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

“Don't Hate Me Because I'm Wednesday One-Liner”

Female hipster, loudly: I hate those two! They're egomaniacs with low self esteem!

–Staten Island

Overheard by: Johnny Drongo

Sullen-looking girl: I guess it's just incumbent on me to be cheerful regardless of the fact that I hate everything.

–Warren St & W Broadway

Overheard by: Tha WB

Girl at Dali exhibition: I hate people. I hate museums. I really hate Spaniards.

–Dali and Film Exhibition, MoMA

Overheard by: Andi C.

Concerned girl to friends: Maybe if we stopped singing Simon & Garfunkel so loudly, people would hate us less.

–Grand Central

Teen girl: I just hate her so much! I'm not even going to Facebook friend her, I hate her so much!

–B Train

Overheard by: Jen

European woman wearing I Love NY shirt, holding Sex & the City box set: I hate Americans.

–Canal & Lafayette

Posted on December 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Eurotrash, Facebook, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Gripes, Happiness, Hipsters, MoMA, Money & Class, Music, On the Subway, Staten Island, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Do It Via Text

Girl on cell: My ex-boyfriend used to call the subway "The MTA," and I was like, "Yeah…this isn't working out."

–Penn Station

Overheard by: I would've dumped him too

Teenager on cell: If, hypothetically, what we had been doing was dating, then technically, hypothetically, he just broke up with me. Fucking douche.

–Finacial District

Cute girl: Don't you know the rules of break-ups? You have to clean out the drawer. You can't bring old lube to a new relationship.

–Essex & Grand

Overheard by: yaletownkid

Guy to friend: So you're telling me that I broke up with her because of lube?

–Park Slope

Guy on cell: Look, I know I said "forever." It's not your fault! To be honest, I just never really liked you that much!

–West 4th St. Subway Entrance

Preppy boy: That was the worst part about breaking up with my ex-girlfriend. She got a 50% discount at Polo!

–Bloomingdale's

Posted on December 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Dating, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Love, Lower East Side, Lube, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Penn Station, Preppies, Public Transportation, Questions, Relationships, Store, Street, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

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