I Gave Him My Best Parker Posey Lip Curl and Left the Train

Snooty alternative chick: So, for some reason I always get these creepy guys talking to me on the train. This one guy on the ride over here looked over at my iPod and I was listening to The Fall, right? And he’s like, ‘That’s an interesting song. It’s like punk, right?’ And so then he pulls out his iPod and starts trying to impress me with his shitty music list.
Alternative guy: What was on it?
Snooty alternative chick: Blink 182 and Good Charlotte and stuff… And it’s like, ‘Um, you’re a guy on the N train who started talking to me, you’re not gonna get in my pants… And you’re especially not gonna get in my pants if you don’t know who The Fall are! That’s totally a prerequisite.’

–Kim’s Video, St. Mark’s Pl

Posted on May 28, 2015
Assholes, Friends, Girls, Guys, iPod, Pick-up Lines, Pickiness, Singing, Store, Talking/Convos

The People's Republic of Wednesday One-Liners

Wasp woman, looking at Asian Peoples exhibit: Oh, honey, look, that woman looks just like that woman at that Chinese food place we like!

–Museum of Natrual History

Overheard by: Heather

Older man to Chinese friend: You know, Caucasians really can't tell the difference between the Asians and the Chinese.

–23rd St b/w 5th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: James

Burly bouncer to burnt-out groupie: Don't think of it as a finger, think of it as an Asian penis.

–11th & 3rd

Tourist on cell: I think I'm heading towards Little Italy, but all I see are Chinese people. I feel like fuckin' Marco Polo. Fuck man, where are you? (trips on curb and falls into pile of trash bags)

–Canal St

Giggling 20-something: So we hired a new intern, and she's Asian!

–Murray Hill

Overheard by: sab

Posted on May 27, 2015
Advice, Asians, Biotechs, Body Parts, Bouncers, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Chinatown, Chinese, Compare/Contrast, Ethnic Food, Friends, History & Geography, Insults, Laughter, Museum of Natural History, NYC Geography, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Physical appearance, Race, Street, Stupidity, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

I'm Not Following You; We're Riding the Bus Together

White girl, yelling to black friend: Heather! Come to the back of the bus and sit with me!
Heather: I ain't no Rosa Parks!

–Bus, Brooklyn

Posted on May 27, 2015
Black People, Brooklyn, Friends, Girls, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Race, White People

Crossbreeding Humans and Bees: A Cautionary Tale

Woman #1: Ooh, the Macy’s Flower Show is out. We should go see it.
Crazy guy: Psst! Psst! Flowers? I like flowers! Where are they, where can we go see them?
Woman #2: The Macy’s Flower Show is going on right here.
Woman #1: I actually don’t think the Flower Show has started yet.
Crazy guy: Flowers? I like flowers!
Woman #2: It hasn’t started yet but it will be at Macy’s.
Crazy guy: I’ll go in this entrance to see the flowers.
Woman #2: But I don’t think it started yet.
Crazy guy: What entrance are you going in to see the flowers? I like flowers.
Woman 2: I don’t think the Flower Show has started yet.
Crazy guy: Oh. Well I’m gonna go see them cause I like flowers.

–33rd & Broadway

Posted on May 26, 2015
Animals & Nature, Celebrations/Parties, Crazies, Friends, Murray Hill and Gramercy

“Roly Poly” Isn’t a Very Funny Pet Name

Guy #1: Dude, you’re fat as shit and getting balder by the minute, you really need to lock her in.
Guy #2: I don’t know man, she is super cool. She’s just so sensitive about everything.
Guy #1: Like what?
Guy #2: I make jokes that she doesn’t understand and gets mad really easily and takes everything so personal.
Guy #1: What do you mean?
Guy #2: Well…I guess she just doesn’t like it when I make fun of her.

–4 train

Posted on May 25, 2015
Friends, Gender issues, Marriage, On the Subway, Relationships

Left Him Crying in a Puddle Of His Own Urine

Hipster chick: He thought that by “phone sex” I meant “phone hanging out chat time”.
Friend: Bo-ring.
Hipster chick: I basically phone raped him.

–L Train

Posted on May 23, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, On the Subway, Relationships, Words

Voldemort’s Always Playing Hard to Get

Girl #1: Are we talking about ‘He who shall not be named’?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: So, fuck him!
Girl #2: I should.

–Subway restaurant

Posted on May 23, 2015
Advice, Friends, Girls, Insults, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex

And I Do

Woman: I like butts. I don't have no butt fetish!
Male friend: You're always saying “kiss my butt”!

–39 th St & Broadway

Posted on May 23, 2015
Ass, Friends, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kink, Licking, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Women

Play Safe Out There, Dear Reader

Girl: We were really drunk and didn't use a condom the other night.
Friend: It happens.
Girl: Afterward, he joked that I should get tested.
Friend: Hahaha, really?
Girl: We both laughed, it was funny…then he said, “no, seriously.”

–Williamsburg

Posted on May 22, 2015
Condoms, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Laughter, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sex, Williamsburg

Friends