Snarky girl, about friend's prospective date: So, let's approach this like from a business perspective: Which option would give you the greatest return for the least amount of effort?
Hipster guy with Texan accent: Going into the bathroom, masturbating, and coming out to join a game of charades.
–Fort Washington & 180th
Girl: Yo, I wish that shower gel wasn't seasonal. I mean, I know the soap smells the same, but if someone gets a hair on my shower gel I can shrug it off. I mean, I know you're trying to move to…
Sales girl: Less packaging, yeah.
Girl: And I'm all about being green and stuff but if I'm gonna pay fourteen dollars for a little tiny chunk of soap, I don't want to throw it out because of someone's business hair being all up on it.
–Cosmetics Store, Herald Square
Guy: So it's like a waterfall with a bunch of nozzles, and as the drops fall, it creates a picture.
Girl: That's cool! So, which way does the water fall?
Guy: Down, I think.
–Gershwin Theatre
Overheard by: Dominic A.
Girl, saying goodbye: So what are we all doing after this?
Guy: Well, I'm going to do what I normally do–go home alone, eat a slice of pizza and jack off.
–PATH Train
Overheard by: Maria
Girl #1: Where were you born?
Girl #2: Wisconsin.
Girl #1: Is that a state?
–Union Square
Girl: So you fucked my ex?
Gay guy: I'm sorry, I was wasted! (starts crying)
Girl: He was mine, dammit! We're definitely not shopping tomorrow.
–Union Square
Blond girl #1: And then I was like, “Why can't we just be separate but like…”
Blond girl #2: Yeah, separate but equal!
Blond girl #1: Exactly!
–Store, Times Square
Overheard by: michelle
Hipster chick #1: Do you think the hipsters of our generation will have reproductive issues?
Hipster chick #2: What do you mean?
Hipster chick #1: You know, on account of the skinny jeans.
–Olive & Orient
Well-dressed black girl to well-groomed black standard poodle with owner: Oh, look at your nice hair! You work it girl!
–22nd St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Tigertail
Middle-age woman to overgroomed poodle, as it takes a dump in the middle of the sidewalk: Ohhhhh! Charlie, that's looking a bit creamy! Yum, yum! (pause as the dog sniffs his mess) No, don't eat it!
–14th St & University Place
Overheard by: Bee
Crazy hobo in wheelchair, to small dog on leash passing by: Meow. Meow! Meow!
–Union Square
Large black man to his shaggy dog: Just because it's there doesn't mean you can pee on it. That's a nice bike!
–9th St & 50th St
Overheard by: EmGusk
Man trying to control his barking dog: No! No anxiety! Bad dog! No anxiety!
–St. Mark's & Ave A
Overheard by: french bulldog with narcissism
Suit: The ancients left records all over the place. Look at the pyramids, dickhead.
–83rd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: EthanK
Drunk guy, as '80s song plays on jukebox: '80s music was so inspirational, cuz they knew Reaganomics wasn't gonna work. '90s, we were in a boom so it was like, "don't forget how bad things are!" Now music just sucks, cuz everything sucks.
–The Punch Bowl, 238th & Broadway, The Bronx
Overheard by: Kyle Crocodile
Preppy blond guy: Wow, I didn't realize The Great Depression was so bad!
–Columbia Law School
Drunk hobo yelling at sidewalk: Fuck those guys! They can't fire me! They need me! What the fuck? I built those temples, goddamnit! Those Mayans need me! I'm the only one who built those temples!
–23rd b/w 4th & 5th
Wisdom-sharing mother of two: Well, of course socks were invented first! Soccer was invented before shoes and they wore socks to play it! Why do you think it's called soccer? They were wearing socks long before they were wearing shoes.
–Restaurant, Columbus Ave
Girl: Wait! George Washington is Johnny Appleseed, right?
–Stuyvesant High School
