Meet the Guy Who Makes the Subway Doors Open

Crazy ranting black guy: My divinity is hot… my arrows can block the clouds. I wanna be the Imperial Leader for all time. My lizards will rule everyone. If y'all do what I say, things'll be fine.
Annoyed black lady, as he continues ranting: Whatever they gave him, it was too much. Oh my god! Why we gotta deal with this shit? Economic crisis and all, and still gotta deal with crazy people!
Crazy ranting black guy: Son, I open doors. Try to clap your heels three times and open doors like me–you can't do it! In prison, in the hood…
Annoyed black lady, now yelling: Why pick a train? Why not go to the hood like you say? Go to wherever you started that shit and deal. You need a therapist for real!

–A Train

Overheard by: Tigertail

Posted on July 14, 2009
Animals & Nature, Black People, Crazies, Crazy, Gripes, Guys, On the Subway, Prison, Psychology, Public Transportation, Questions, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Though I Think at Some Point They're Legally Obligated to Stab Me

(a BMW is blocking the bus, people inside get restless)
Guy #1 on cell, speaking to everyone on bus: Hey! What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? (pause) Anybody?
Guy #2, after a moment of silence: What?
Guy #1: On a porcupine, the prick's on the outside! (laughs, then on phone) Yeah! I gotta entertain the people on the bus!

–Q25 Bus

Overheard by: jessika

Posted on July 14, 2009
Animals & Nature, Bus, Cars and Driving, Guys, Laughter, On Cell, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Questions

Hey, You Never Know When a Stray-Dog Contest Will Erupt in New York

Guy, apropos of nothing: You know, if I were ever in one of those contests where there's a stray dog and two families and you have to figure out which family he loves the most, I would totally keep some Snausages in my pocket or something.
(long pause)
Chick he's with: You are a strange little man. A strange little man.

–Uptown Q Train

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on July 11, 2009
Family Ties, Food, Girls, Guys, Man's Best Friend, On the Subway, Weirdness

Her Inhaler, for Instance.

Blonde chick: So…isn't she going to want her stuff back?
Dude with cute voice: Actually…she doesn't know I have most of her stuff.

–Broadway & 28th St

Overheard by: Stormy

Posted on July 11, 2009
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Girls, Guys, Questions, Thievery, Wishes & desires

Long Story Short, I Now Have a Son.

Guy #1: And then she was like “you have baby-dar.” I'm all like “baby-dar? What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?”
Guy #2: Yeah.

–PATH Train

Overheard by: preggers

Posted on July 9, 2009
Babies, Guys, Insults, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Trains Not Subway

Kentucky Fried Wednesday One-Liners

Man to little boy: I can't believe you've never played tic-tac-toe with a chicken in Chinatown.

–52nd & Lexington

Overheard by: Ed

Hipster guy: I don't know though, I can't Indian give those chickens, can I?

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: BKLover

Older black man to himself, entering train with moving box: I got a live chicken in this box! I don't know why god gave me a chicken. He knows I don't know what to do with one. (a few minutes later) I'm gonna sell her to the butcher shop and they're going to cut that motherfucker up!

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: Mawy

Serious man, seeing dog carrying shopping bad in teeth: I am going to train a dog like that. I will train it to bring me chicken.

–73rd St & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Large black dude to large black friend: Yo, man, I am so tired of chicken! I mean, yeah, I know, I'm black…but man, I ain't eating no chicken at that party man. Don't even bring no chicken by me, cause I ain't eating none. Matter of fact, I ain't eating no chicken for Black History Month. I'ma start the movement! No chicken for Black History Month!

–Downtown 2 Train

Overheard by: Kosi

Posted on July 8, 2009
Birds, Black People, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Food, Friends, God, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Race, Street, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Won't Remember This Tomorrow

Drunk girl to friend: No, 'cause my kids are gonna be city kids and your kids are gonna be country kids and my kids aren't gonna wanna talk to your kids!

–University Place & 12th

Overheard by: Mikalena

Drunk white girl: Who owns New York City? Who's got it on lock down more than Jay-Z?

–8th St & 3rd Ave

Drunken girl to friend: He's divorced. Is it okay if I fuck him?

–E 14th St

Overheard by: Mimi

Drunken bro, stumbling into hookah bar with friends: Do you think they have penis flavor?!

–Hookah Bar, 1st Ave

Drunk frat boy, sitting in trash can, drinking Bacardi Mojito bottle: This is the end man! This is the fucking end!

–Church & Canal

Overheard by: Ben

Drunk girl on phone: Hello? What happened? Your dad died? Oh…what? Your dog died? Oh, I though you said your dad died. Wait…are you laughing or crying? Cuz if you're crying, I hate you. Sorry, I'm on the train right now, and I'm drunk off my ass.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Igor Petrov

Posted on July 8, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Crying, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Kids, Laughter, Man's Best Friend, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Penn Station, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, White People

But That's Just Called “Being a New Yorker”

Girl: Why doesn't he just break his lease?
Guy: Well, because he's really frugal. Except when he drinks and buys sushi at 3 am.

–33rd & 6th

Overheard by: EthanK

Posted on July 7, 2009
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinking & Drunk People, Ethnic Food, Girls, Guys, Questions, Time

How Do You Like the Planet So Far?

Crazy guy: Have you seen a bus come by recently?
Girl #1: No, sorry.
Crazy guy: How long have you been here?
Girl #2: We just got here.
Crazy guy: Oh. Welcome!

–89th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Nora

Posted on July 6, 2009
Crazies, Girls, Guys, Public Transportation, Questions, Time, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

When You Watch Enough SVU, You Become Impervious to Weirdos

Crazy dude with shades to woman chatting with friend: You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna blow you, suck you, fuck the two of you bitches hard, you know why? Cause I'm a faggot!
Women: (blank stare)
Crazy dude with shades: Then I can kill you, too. (maniacal laughter)
Women: (continue their jovial conversation)

–F Train

Overheard by: Craig

Posted on July 5, 2009
Crazies, Crazy, Creepsters, Guys, Laughter, Murder, On the Subway, Sex, Threats, Weirdness, Women

Guys