By the Time Chastity Got HIV, She'd Stepped It Up to a BMW

20-something preppy female on BlackBerry: What do you mean where was I last night?! Are you out of your damn mind? I took an Ambien and passed out at 9 pm! (pause) Yeah, you should be sorry, you asshole. I'll let you make it up to me with a new iPod for Christmas. (pause) No, the blue one! Ugh. I have to go back to work, but there better be an apology e-mail waiting at my desk.
Shocked coworker: Lindsey, you were dancing with me on tables until 4 am!
20-something preppy female on BlackBerry: Obvious! But I can't tell my boyfriend that. Then he will definitely know I hooked up with that gorgeous Australian.
Shocked coworker: Wow. That's impressive.
20-something preppy female on BlackBerry: Oh, please. That's nothing. Wait till the Monday inquisition, when I'll have to step it up to an iPhone!

–Starbucks

Posted on July 14, 2009
Apologies, Colors, Coworkers, Dancing, Gifts, Hook Ups, Insults, iPod, Lies, Medicine, Preppies, Starbucks, Weirdness

As Youngsters, the Kardashians Were Pretty Much the Way They Are Today

Eight-year-old sister: Oh, I'm telling momma that you been mean to that boy and you been cussin'! She'll take your allowance away!
Eight-year-old brother: Fuck you! Suck my dick!
Eight-year-old sister: I'll take your allowance and your dick!

–Tompkins Ave & Flushing Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: pechewychomp

Posted on July 11, 2009
Brooklyn, Brothers, Family Ties, Insults, Kids, Parents, Penis, Should've Used a Condom, Sisters, Threats

Want Me to Crush Up Some More Xanax in Applesauce for You?

Angry mom holding to seven-year-old daughter: It's fucking hot!
Seven-year-old daughter: It's okay, mom. It'll be okay.

–Rego Park, Queens

Posted on July 11, 2009
Anger Management, Insults, Kids, Moms, Parents, Queens

Note: This Message Was Not Approved by Barack Obama

Teenager, fighting with security: Fuck you! Fuck all y'all! Obama, baby! (storms out)
Preppy guy: See, this is why I vote Republican.

–14th St & Union Square

Posted on July 11, 2009
Insults, Politics, Preppies, President, Security Guards, Teens, Union Square and East Village

Long Story Short, I Now Have a Son.

Guy #1: And then she was like “you have baby-dar.” I'm all like “baby-dar? What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?”
Guy #2: Yeah.

–PATH Train

Overheard by: preggers

Posted on July 9, 2009
Babies, Guys, Insults, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Trains Not Subway

Moral Of the Story: Don't Go to Brooklyn.

(train stops late at night, conductor orders everyone out)
30-something man with large black coat on: This is why I drive drunk! This is why I drive drunk! Because the trains suck! This is why I drive drunk!
20-something woman in heels: This is why I get in the car when he drives drunk! This is why I get in the car when he drives drunk!
30-something man: This is why I drive drunk! Fuck this train!
20-something woman: You tell them, uncle! You tell them!

–L Train

Posted on July 9, 2009
Cars and Driving, Conductors, Drinking & Drunk People, Insults, Men, On the Subway, Passengers, Public Transportation, Women

Kentucky Fried Wednesday One-Liners

Man to little boy: I can't believe you've never played tic-tac-toe with a chicken in Chinatown.

–52nd & Lexington

Overheard by: Ed

Hipster guy: I don't know though, I can't Indian give those chickens, can I?

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: BKLover

Older black man to himself, entering train with moving box: I got a live chicken in this box! I don't know why god gave me a chicken. He knows I don't know what to do with one. (a few minutes later) I'm gonna sell her to the butcher shop and they're going to cut that motherfucker up!

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: Mawy

Serious man, seeing dog carrying shopping bad in teeth: I am going to train a dog like that. I will train it to bring me chicken.

–73rd St & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Large black dude to large black friend: Yo, man, I am so tired of chicken! I mean, yeah, I know, I'm black…but man, I ain't eating no chicken at that party man. Don't even bring no chicken by me, cause I ain't eating none. Matter of fact, I ain't eating no chicken for Black History Month. I'ma start the movement! No chicken for Black History Month!

–Downtown 2 Train

Overheard by: Kosi

Posted on July 8, 2009
Birds, Black People, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Food, Friends, God, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Race, Street, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

“Luke, I Am Your Wednesday One-Liner”

Student to professor: Yeah, man, you know, because every time I slap you five, now I feel like I'm slapping your father's ass.

–Suffolk County Community College

Overheard by: Wish I was paying attention

Trashy sista' on cell: Did you know you've been nominated for an award? (pause) Yeah, I know! I mean, it's just nice to even be nominated, issa' honor. Yeah, you wanna know whacha been nominated for? You been nominated for the world's biggest deadbeat daddy!

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: I don't work here

Demi-bum to another, looking at postcards at a convenience store: Oh, I want to send a postcard to my father: Doing shitty, wish you cared!

–Fulton & Water

Teen girl to friend: Of course I got him tested!…but he wasn't the father either.

–145th & Broadway

Guard: Did you hear about that 9-year-old girl who gave birth to her own twin? I'm serious! It was inside her stomach and then she gave birth to it. And the craziest part is that the twin was from another father!

–74th & Madison

Latina girl to friend: You know, I don't even know what I saw in that loser. I should've dumped his ass the first time he tried hitting on my dad!

–58th & 6th

Overheard by: Tim J.

Posted on July 8, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, College, Compare/Contrast, Crazy, Duane Reade, Family Ties, Fighting and ass kicking, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Hobos, Insults, Kids, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Promiscuity, Questions, Security Guards, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Where the Sex Of Fuzzy Creatures Is Never an Issue

Southern tourist #1: Oh my! Oh. My. God!
Southern tourist #2: Woman, what is it?
Southern tourist #1: It's that Elmo again! I saw him yesterday! At the same place! It's preying on tourists!
Southern tourist #2: Maybe you just need a hug from him!
Suit: It is an “it!” An “it,” you tourist fools! It! It! Iiiiiiiiiiiittttttt!
Southern tourist #2: I toldja we shoulda just stuck with Atlantic City.

–Times Square

Posted on July 7, 2009
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Hugs, Insults, Only in New York, Southerners, Suits, Times Square, Tourism, TV

Otherwise Known As a Traditional Staten Island Picnic

Super short Hispanic thug: I told that bitch “I'm not scared of you, I'll beat you with my ham sandwich!”
Super short black thug: Fuck, yeah!
Super short Hispanic thug: Yeah, I'll beat that bitch with some mayonnaise, some ham, and a roll! I'm not scared of that bitch!

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by:

Posted on July 7, 2009
Black People, Fears, Food, Insults, Latinos, Nicknames & name calling, Staten Island Ferry, Threats, Thugs

Insults