Don't Get Mad. Get Wednesday One-Liner.

Super gay dude to equally gay friend: You can tell she's mad when she starts using adjectives.

–Starbucks, Astor Place

Overheard by: liat

Angry black man to white man standing too close: Fool, whatcha think you're doin? You tryin' to get all up on me? You don't know what I could do. I could bust a cap in yo ass. I'm an angry black man!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Bex

Black man to Asian woman he's trying to hit on: Why won't you talk to me, baby? You still mad about the Korean war?

–145th & Broadway

Older woman on cell: Trixie, you have to stop kicking things when you get mad!

–40th & Broadway

Overheard by: Sean

Trampy Spanish girl to cranky Spanish guy: Why are you mad? It was just a blowjob, and he's your brother!

–West Village

Overheard by: Stifled A. Guffaw

Posted on September 2, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Asians, Ass, BJs, Black People, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kick, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Queer guys, Questions, Race, Starbucks, Street, Stupidity, Threats, Union Square and East Village, War, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, White People, Women, Words

No More SVU for You, Young Man

Seven-year old Hispanic kid: I kiss girls.
Five-year old Hispanic kid: Ew! You kiss girls!
Seven-year old Hispanic kid: Na na na! I kiss little girls.

–D Train

Posted on September 1, 2009
Age/Aging, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, Latinos, On the Subway

So…Greek?

Latina #1: What's her nationality?
Latina #2: She's a lesbian.

–Houston & Broadway

Posted on August 9, 2009
Foreigners, Gays and Lesbians, Latinos, Questions, Sexuality, Stupidity, The Village

Fernando Is the Clear Favorite in the Unsolicited Comment Olympics

White girl to friend: I used to speak Spanish.
Hispanic man, passing by: You don't need to speak Spanish! This is America! “America” is a Spanish word! “America Vespucci”! Spanish! Pshhh!

–112th & Frederick Douglass Blvd

Overheard by: i speak spanish too…

Posted on August 4, 2009
Friends, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Languages, Latinos, Names, Stupidity, White People, Words

English Is a Stupid Language, Amiga

White girl: Opera.
Salvadoran guy: Like the black chick?
White girl: No, that's Oprah.

–Lawton St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Eric Frazier

Posted on July 30, 2009
About Celebrities, Brooklyn, Girls, Guys, Latinos, Questions, Race, Singing, Stupidity, White People, Words

Don't Fag Hags Have to Take a Course on Such Things?

Gay guy #1: Well, I was fed up with Maria. I told her that the conversation was over. I said, “girl, this is it. You better stop this or I will cut you.” Like “I know where you live, girl. You better watch your back.”
Annoying Latina, laughing: Well, you better be careful if you go and cut her. I think she might have Aids.
Gay guy #2: Say what?
Gay guy #1: Okay, what?
Annoying Latina: Yeah, well, it's okay cause not all Aids are bad.
Gay guy #1: Girl, what are you talking about? Aids is Aids!
Annoying Latina: Yeah, but there's those people that live with it. Its not that bad.
Gay guy #2: Okay, girl, then you go get Aids and tell me how that goes.

–13th St b/w University Ave & Broadway

Posted on July 23, 2009
AIDS, Compare/Contrast, Latinos, Queer guys, Questions, Stab, The Village

A Piñata Full Of Wednesday One-Liners

Eight-year-old boy, matter-of-factly, to dorky dad: Mexican people like to put animals on their shoulders.

–108 St & Broadway

Black guy to white woman: Anyway, it turns out–and this is really weird–in Texas, they hate Mexicans as much as they hate African Americans!

–17th St & 8th Ave

Man to another: I just want to be gang-raped by a group of Latinos.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Mike

Exasperated woman to friend: And this is why I don't interfere when it comes to Mexicans!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Green Star

10-year-old to friend: You have the same name as a short, fat Mexican boy!

–Maria Hernandez Park, Bushwick

Latino gay to white gay: You have good genes, you just don't have the Latino gene that makes your face moisturize naturally. I'm like the Dick Clark of faggotry!

–12th & 1st

Overheard by: H-Bomb

Teen to friend: Make sure that you're in Guatemalan mode.

–114th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jeremy

Posted on July 15, 2009
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Diet/Weight, Friends, Global Geography, Kids, KKK, Latinos, Men, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Queer guys, Race, Rape, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday Keeps Popping Out One-Liners

Drunk woman to another: Well, I will see your divorce and raise you an illegitimate pregnancy!

–Court St & Atlantic Avenue, Brooklyn

Girl to super skinny girl: You look pregnant, I think I have a clothes hanger in my locker. You wanna come up and check with me?

–1st Ave & 3rd St

Dad holding baby to wife with another kid in stroller: Somebody's about to get pregnant up in here… It'll be like Maury Povich.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: NOT the father

Dude on bus to child: See, women, they get to grow people. And in exchange, we get to pee standing up.

–Q64 Bus

Overheard by: a people-grower

Girl to friend: You always seem to get pregnant at the worst times.

–Queens Center Mall

Overheard by: Jenn

Girl to friend: I'm feeling fertile. Who's going to tend to that feeling for me?

–2 Train

Latino guy to friends: That's what my name means in Portuguese, "pregnancy test positive."

–84th Drive, Queens

Posted on July 15, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Bus, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Families, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Kids, Languages, Latinos, Malls, Moms, Names, Offers and requests, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Pee, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queens, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Skinny People, Street, Stupidity, Threats, TV, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Ted Kennedy Also Had Sisters

Middle aged Latina to Latino boy, eating: Happy birthday! Look at you, surrounded by all these women on your birthday. You are going to be so nice when you grow up. You have five sisters. All the men in your family are grown up, and you got stuck with all the girls. So you're going to be so nice to girls when you get older. Right?
(boy is silent)
Middle aged Latina: Right?
(boy is silent)
Middle aged Latina: You're going to be nice girls when when you grow up, right?
Latino boy: Yeah, sure! Whatever!

–McDonald's

Overheard by: Didn't quite turn out that way

Posted on July 13, 2009
Age/Aging, Beauty, Birthdays, Boys, Family Ties, Kids, Latinos, Restaurants & Cafes

“Luke, I Am Your Wednesday One-Liner”

Student to professor: Yeah, man, you know, because every time I slap you five, now I feel like I'm slapping your father's ass.

–Suffolk County Community College

Overheard by: Wish I was paying attention

Trashy sista' on cell: Did you know you've been nominated for an award? (pause) Yeah, I know! I mean, it's just nice to even be nominated, issa' honor. Yeah, you wanna know whacha been nominated for? You been nominated for the world's biggest deadbeat daddy!

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: I don't work here

Demi-bum to another, looking at postcards at a convenience store: Oh, I want to send a postcard to my father: Doing shitty, wish you cared!

–Fulton & Water

Teen girl to friend: Of course I got him tested!…but he wasn't the father either.

–145th & Broadway

Guard: Did you hear about that 9-year-old girl who gave birth to her own twin? I'm serious! It was inside her stomach and then she gave birth to it. And the craziest part is that the twin was from another father!

–74th & Madison

Latina girl to friend: You know, I don't even know what I saw in that loser. I should've dumped his ass the first time he tried hitting on my dad!

–58th & 6th

Overheard by: Tim J.

Posted on July 8, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, College, Compare/Contrast, Crazy, Duane Reade, Family Ties, Fighting and ass kicking, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Hobos, Insults, Kids, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Promiscuity, Questions, Security Guards, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires