Wednesday One-Liner, Huh! What Is It Good For?

JAP on cell: If more people wore glitter there would no war.

–Therapy Store

Crazy old guy: I want a dog for president. You know why? Dogs don't start wars.

–31St & Ditmars, Astoria

Overheard by: Randi and Patrick

(at an anti-war rally)
Street vendor: Say no to war, say yes to Louis Vuitton!

–Midtown

Overheard by: Oh the irony

50-something guy on cell: You see, we are a military agency, not a government agency. (pause) So when I punched out that Homeland Security guy, I punched out a civilian.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Ksenia

Eight-year-old boy: I dare you to fight in the civil war!

–7 Train

Posted on August 14, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, JAPs, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, President, Punch, Retail Therapy, Store, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, War, We Love Our Pets, Words

Don't Make Me Move You to the Midwest, Son

Cool black guy: I loooooves me some women. Ha, that's why I can't ever be gay, you know? (under breath) I loves me some women…
Young boy with him: I think a gay guy would say the same thing about men.

–E 14th St & 1st Ave

Posted on August 14, 2015
Black People, Boys, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Gays and Lesbians, Men, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Powder Their Noses

Female suit in bathroom stall: Well, are you gonna have those files? (pauses, makes bathroom noises) Okay, well, I need it today. Listen…okay…(pauses, more bathroom noises) Great! (pauses, toilet flushes) No, it's okay, go ahead. (pauses) Okay, no, I'm really sorry–I'm just entering the subway, that's what all that noise was. (storms out of the bathroom, doesn't wash her hands)

–34th St & 9th St

Flustered 50-something suit: It's burning! It's burning!

–Penn Station Bathroom

Man in stall: There should be a law against what's coming out of me.

–25th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: I agree

Suit in bathroom on cell: Honey, I can't talk to you right now. (pause) I'm in the bathroom! (pause) I've got a fucking dick in my hand! (pause) What do you mean whose dick?

–Restroom, Grand Central

Six-year-old kid, finishing at urinal: Shake the weasel!

–Men's Room, Regal Battery Park City Cinemas

Overheard by: Russ Wall

Posted on August 13, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Battery Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, Fire, Gays and Lesbians, Grand Central, Kids, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Penn Station, Poop, Sensory Experiences, Street, Suits, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Butt Fetishists Can Be So Dramatic.

Woman: But no one will take care of me!
Man: Don't worry baby, I know where the crack is.
Woman, excitedly: You do!

–29th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Mama B

Posted on August 12, 2015
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friendship, Men, Relationships, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday Pick-Up-Liners

Guy, bumping into girlfriend as bus lurches: Sorry baby, that’s gravity. I can’t help it, I’m physically attracted to you.

–M116 Bus

Overheard by: I hate the bus

Construction worker hitting on young girl: Hey baby, you are too cute to be so pretty!

–Allen & East Houston

Black bag seller to passerby: Hey sweetheart, you wanna buy a bag today? I’ll tell you what, you buy a bag and I’ll give you my number for free.

–33rd & Broadway

Man to teenage girls: Do you and your friends like to wrestle? I swear to god I could take you all.

–Times Square

Overheard by: yearbookie

Homie to friends: They say in the old days you couldn’t even holler at a woman cause she wouldn’t answer you.

–South Williamsburg

Overheard by: DanielXY

Homeless man to cute passerby: Nice knees.

–Central Park

Posted on August 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Beauty, Black People, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Construction Guys, Friends, Gender issues, History & Geography, Hobos, Love, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nice People, Offers and requests, On the Bus, Orgy, Parks, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Relationships, Shopping, Street, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness, Williamsburg

Wednesdays Pad Their One-Liners

Football player on razor scooter, chasing shirtless theater major: I'll get you my pretty… And your little dick too!

–Wagner College

Girl, looking at long ladies bathroom queue: At times like these, I wish women had dicks.

–Winter Garden Theatre

Slightly drunk man: I feel like someone just shut a door on my dick.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Sunny

Hooker to pimp: I had to suck his dick in front of everyone!

–Outside Penn Station

Overheard by: David

Posted on August 9, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Athletes, Beauty, BJs, College, Drunks, Gangstas, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Men, One-liners, Park Slope, Pee, Penis, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Prostitutes, Queer guys, Sensory Experiences, Students, Theater, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Kicking Your Ass?

Indignant woman in crowded elevator: You're standing on my foot!
Man: What are feet for?

–168th St Subway Elevator

Overheard by: AWAvatar

Posted on August 6, 2015
Body Parts, Default, Elevators, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Men, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Weirdness, Women

The Audacity Of Wednesday One-Liners

Black guy, cutting in front of line at movie theater: Excuse me, Barack Obama is President now. Thank you.

–AMC Movie Theater

Overheard by: Emmy

Man with hand stuck in bus door to bus driver: We got a black President and you actin' like this? You civil service!

–14D Bus

Sketching Jamaican hobo: Obama is some kinda skateboard.

–Shuttle to Times Square

Subway hobo: How come Obama don't have sex with his wife no more? Because every time she opens her legs, he sees bush!

–1 Train

Man to toddler in his arms: That's Obama. He's gonna save us all from doom! From doom!

–University & 12th St

Posted on August 6, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Bus Drivers, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Family Ties, Guys, Hair, Hobos, Kids, Men, Movie Theaters, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, President, Private Parts, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Sex, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Tovarish, I Suggest You Go Do Just That

Russian guy on cell: Who wouldn’t want to fuck me? I’m tall, handsome, talkative, and intelligent. Hell I want to fuck myself.

–68th & 1st

Overheard by: laura holden

Posted on August 6, 2015
Compliments, Foreigners, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Sex, Upper East Side

You're Scaring Jean-Luc

Excited bro #1: Dude! There it is! There's the dog I was talking about!
Excited bro #2: You were right! It's so big! It's like a horse! I want to sit on it!
Man with Great Dane: Stop following me!

–Washington Square Park

Posted on August 3, 2015
Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Guys, Height, Man's Best Friend, Men, Parks, Washington Square Park, Weirdness