Music

Wednesday One-Liners Won't Remember This Tomorrow

Drunk girl to friend: No, 'cause my kids are gonna be city kids and your kids are gonna be country kids and my kids aren't gonna wanna talk to your kids!

–University Place & 12th

Overheard by: Mikalena

Drunk white girl: Who owns New York City? Who's got it on lock down more than Jay-Z?

–8th St & 3rd Ave

Drunken girl to friend: He's divorced. Is it okay if I fuck him?

–E 14th St

Overheard by: Mimi

Drunken bro, stumbling into hookah bar with friends: Do you think they have penis flavor?!

–Hookah Bar, 1st Ave

Drunk frat boy, sitting in trash can, drinking Bacardi Mojito bottle: This is the end man! This is the fucking end!

–Church & Canal

Overheard by: Ben

Drunk girl on phone: Hello? What happened? Your dad died? Oh…what? Your dog died? Oh, I though you said your dad died. Wait…are you laughing or crying? Cuz if you're crying, I hate you. Sorry, I'm on the train right now, and I'm drunk off my ass.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Igor Petrov

Don McLean: Eeeexcellent!

Group of teens, singing very loudly: Bye, bye, miss American pie, drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry…
Girl teen: We're a cult!

–Columbus Circle

Cleverly Camouflaged by Sweet-Sounding Synthesizers

Goth girl: I'm not going to lie, I love the new Britney album.
Brunette friend: What? You like Britney?
Goth girl: Yeah. I have a dark side, you know.

–5th Ave & 13th St

Wednesday One-Liners Go Both Ways

Girl, to herself: What if my water breaks in an elevator? (laughs) Akwaaaaard!

–High School

Conductor, after announcement tone: By the way, this is not an elevator. Waving your bag in the door does absolutely nothing.

–6 Train

Overheard by: you tell 'em

Middle-aged woman, pushing "up" elevator button to another pushing "down" button: You know, I could never figure it out with elevators, do you press the button to tell the elevator to come to you, or do you press it to tell it where you want to go?

–Building, Midtown

Overheard by: Delish

Older usher at Empire State Building: Please step out of the elevator. And as Beyonce says, to the left. To the left!

–Empire State Building

Lady on cell, waiting in line: Oh really? Well, I had heard someone took a crap in a Manhattan elevator!

–Supermarket, The Bronx

She'll Be the Next Huge Disney Star?

Mother: I'm not very up to date on things like this, but I'm 90% sure that Alec Baldwin is not a Jonas Brother.
Father: Yeah, well…she was naked and she talked funny, so that tells you something.

–Broadway Theatre

Overheard by: Fiona

It's Time to Play “Which Is More Homoerotic?”

Guy: Let's go watch the Jonas Brothers 3D Concert Experience!
Girl: Suck my dick.

–86th & 3rd

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Household Name

English teacher, telling student how to read play: Brian, you're like Martin Luther King meets 50 Cent!

–English Class, Bronx HS of Science

Overheard by: Lillian

Woman answering cell on bus: You saw Beyoncé? (everyone stares) Sorry. Did you say, "Hi, fiancée," or "I saw Beyoncé"?"

–126 Bus

Loud fat hipster chick: So she said I'm like Britney Spears with Lindsay Lohan's body, because my weight fluctuates like Lohan's. And I'm okay with that, because you know what? Lohan is a great celebrity. I mean, look, Kate Winslet is lovely and all, but what is she doing tonight? Sitting on a couch somewhere, drinking moderately probably. What is Lohan doing? Probably something really gay and coked up. I'd rather be gay and coked up than drinking moderately on a couch, any day of the week.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Jas

Metal kid: I smell like Robert Downey, Jr.

–Don Pedro's, Boerum & Manhattan, Brooklyn

Overheard by: LP

Hobo: I always thought Madonna was a trashy white cunt.

–Restaurant Row

Overheard by: Al-master

Guy to girl: You know, I'm sure you're a wonderful lover, and you don't need to be comparing yourself to Lance Armstrong. Like, that's just a fool's game.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Helena

And Their Hit Song “Wash with Like Colors”

Jappy tween talking to girl with BCBG shirt: Oh my god, that shirt is so cool!
Jappy tween with BCBG shirt: I know, I love that band!

–Union Square

Overheard by: ticked off AC/DC fan

Also, I Kinda Need to Rob You Now

Deli counter woman calling name on sandwich ticket: Wave bandanna? (no response) Wave bandanna?
Young white guy: Oh yeah, that's me. I put down my rap name.

–Balducci's, 8th Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Margo

Like He's About to Smite Somebody With Unflattering Rhymes

Suburban teenage tourist #1, looking up at obnoxiously large TRL TV screen with P. Diddy's face on it: Doesn't Diddy look like god?
Suburban teenage tourist #2, in awe: Yeah…

–42nd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Alex Murry

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