Guy on cell: …I’m fine, really. It was not a good time to come to London, though. The police are all running around looking worried. I should be back in New York in a few days.
–Duane Reade, Broadway & 84th
Overheard by: kenny
Guy on cell: …I’m fine, really. It was not a good time to come to London, though. The police are all running around looking worried. I should be back in New York in a few days.
–Duane Reade, Broadway & 84th
Overheard by: kenny
Mother to five-year-old daughter: That's why she's a very smart woman. She married a very rich man for exactly that reason.
–University Place &10th St
Overheard by: evanescent
Homeless man to little boy with parents: Ask your mama why she marry your daddy. She'll tell you it was for the money.
–Statue of Liberty
Sorority girl to another: So like, do you think Brad makes good investments?
–53rd & 1st
Asian girl on cell: It's like I have a sign that says "trophy wife" written across my forehead, and then they find out I'm 22 and the sign is suddenly in neon.
–Tribeca
Girl on cell: No, you remember, I'm going to be a gold-digger! It's like a hooker, but smarter.
–NYU Classroom
Gay guy to passersby: Spare an asshole for a gay man?
–Union Square
Man to woman: It's not that I'm an asshole; I just don't want to be seen with you.
–Bar, Upper West Side
Overheard by: Eric
Hipster chic: You could fit a globe in your asshole, it's so big.
–Bedford Ave & 3rd St, Williamsburg
Overheard by: letthemusicplayy
Woman, answering cell: Hey, asshole!
–Rite Aid, Grand Central
50-something suit: In many ways I enjoyed his funeral reception more than his wedding reception.
–PATH
Overheard by: Joe H.
Girl on cell: He died. They found his body. I don't know, somewhere in the Bronx. He was strangled or some shit. Yeah, he died from it. Oh shit, that's why I forgot to send you the invitation for the whatchacallit, the funeral.
–Rivington & Attorney
Overheard by: I wasn't invited either
Gay guy to friend: So I told John I would go to his funeral just to spit in his face!
–West Bank Cafe
60-something woman to another: So I'm glad I didn't go to his fucking bitch sister's funeral. But now he's mad.
–Central Park
20-something guy on cell: Just 'cause I did meth with his daughter doesn't mean I'm going to go to his funeral!
–7th Ave Subway Entrance
Old woman, to woman talking on Bluetooth headset: Excuse me, but are you talking to yourself?
Woman just looks at her and keeps talking.
Old woman: No, seriously! Are you talking to yourself? Because, if you are, you should be nicer to yourself.
–Central Park
Large bald man on Bluetooth: He got a fuckin' boo boo, that's all!
–Gramercy
Suit on cell: So, I haven't been electrocuted…yet.
–L Train
Elderly woman: I regret that she broke her arm. I do not regret pushing her down the stairs.
–E Train
Overheard by: Pat
Little boy: I hope the boo-boo goes away soon! My staple won't hold that long!
–23rd & Park Ave
Overheard by: Say what?
Guy on train to friend: Hey, would you still date a girl if she was in an industrial accident and had to wear a Darth Vader suit forever?
–6 Train
White guy on cell: Look, he was tried by a jury of his peers, they were all white, and they let him off.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: riptorn
Queer arguing with boyfriend: I’m just saying, I think it’s weird you shaved your balls and bought porn the one night that I was out of town.
–Outside Bergdorf’s, 5th Ave
Creepster on cell: Yeah, I wanted to tell you that I have that girl ready… The one for the video… You can’t hear me? I’m on a bus, not an airplane! It’s not like I have a cigar in my mouth or anything, and you’re telling me you can’t understand what I’m saying… Yes, I have her ready for the video… The girl! … About twenty minutes… Do you have Viagra in your house? Well go get some! You need Viagra so you can be hard for our movie!
–M4 bus
Overheard by: Hoping the 3rd grader next to me wasn’t paying attention
Queer on cell: I saw the most fucked-up porno the other day. This guy took his boot off, then smacked this other guy in the face with it, then came all over the table, and then made the other guy lick it up… Oddly enough, I was turned on by it. So, if you ever want to smack me with your boot, give me a call.
–23rd St & 8th Ave
Man sprinting up subway stairs: Hey, man, where peep shows at?
–33rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Brian
20-something chick: He says we’ll all be sleeping in a farm house with a pornographer at her wedding.
–Dallas BBQ, Upper East Side
Overheard by: Nipples
Elderly janitor, watching pierced teenagers get in line: I'm gonna fart on one of these people.
–Broadway & Houston
Angry man on cell: They think they're so perfect, but I bet they piss and burp and fart like the rest of us.
–80th St & 34th Ave
Hobo: Can you spare some change? I need to buy some new underwear, I farted and shat in these.
–83rd St & Broadway
Overheard by: new girl in town
Tiny brunette: Have you ever had to pee so bad, and suddenly you fart and then you don't have to pee that badly anymore?
–7 Train
Young woman to friend: Yeah, and then she started fartin' a bunch. But she was farting out of her pussy. And Ashley got pissed, cause then, she started makin' a beat out of it.
–125th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Stephen
Skinny pale male hippie with hair in top knot, to friend, calmly: I'm going to lose my brain. A piece of my brain.
–E.11th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Liz
Man on cell: Yeah, he crossed the line. Then, when he started talking about my wife's anatomy I was just disgusted.
–31st Parking Garage
Thug, about his baby son: So, I'm lookin' at this kid. I be lookin' at him real hard. He got everything I got! Square head, the shoulders, the flat feet, everything! Straight down to the penis!
–Staten Island Ferry
Out of towner to friend: I just want to let you know your armpit is making my wrist very warm right now.
–3 Train
Overheard by: there are worse places you could put that, I guess…
Man to friends: He empties his mind into your face.
–5th Ave & 11th St
