Wednesday Will Go Nazarene on Your One-Liners

Black woman: Sixteen dollars? That paper better be made out of Jesus's ass.

–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Emily B.

40-something to friends: And what's going on with the fucking baby Jesus over there?

–Starbucks

Guy on cell: In my class, we were talking about how Jesus was a Viking warrior.

–Queens College

Woman, about Matt Lauer and Katie Couric: See, this is why Jesus Christ and the Pharisees didn't get along.

–22nd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Rachel Peters

Woman on phone on the night before Easter: No, I do not want you at my house right now. (pause) I'm going home to watch The Ten Commandments and read my bible–Jesus is coming back tomorrow!

–B44 Bus

Overheard by: Micah

Drunk high school girl: If Jesus had discovered a cure for dry mouth, he'd be a lot more popular!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Smudge

Posted on July 16, 2015
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Books & Writing, Bus, Christianity, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Guys, History & Geography, Insults, Jesus, Medicine, Money & Class, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Bus, Queens, Queens College, Questions, School and studying, Sorority Girls, Starbucks, Store, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Every Episode of The Girls Next Door, in a Nutshell

Girl #1, holding grande Starbucks cup: Oh my god! This is a small, I asked the guy for a medium.
Girl #2: Oh my god, are you serious?
Girl #1: Yeah.
Girl #2: Oh my god, your hair looks so nice today!

–B1 Bus

Overheard by: Robert

Posted on July 15, 2015
Coffee, Girls, Hair, Height, On the Bus

You Can See Cancer Wincing From Here

Chick #1: I took this class called History of the Universe. It sucks.
Chick #2: Sounds like, I mean, that’s so intimidating…the whole
history of the universe!
Chick #3: Plus it’s all about physics and astrology and stuff.

–NYU A bus

Posted on July 11, 2015
College, NYU, On the Bus, Stupidity

Every Wednesday One-Liner Has Its Price

Woman to another: She had one baby at her breast and another baby sitting next to her, trying to sell chicklets.

–10 Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: Jarrod

Young man to young woman: Sell it on the black market or give it up for adoption. That's basically your only two options.

–Grand St, Chinatown

Overheard by: Mike Posillico

Crazy woman to entire bus: My husband be given my money to all those hoes. That's why I gotta sell coffee. But at least I'm not sellin' my ass… (gets distracted by radio) Oh, this is a nice song.

–Bx15 Bus

Overheard by: Karly

Father of four, attempting herd jumping children on street: Okay, the next child that doesn't listen to me will be sold!

–34th & 3rd

Overheard by: Dahouhou

Midwestern lady tourist to husband: Huh, Virgin. I wonder what they sell there.

–14th St, across Doomed Megastore

Overheard by: Not buyin what they're sellin

Posted on July 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Bus, Chinatown, Coffee, Couples, Crazies, Dads, Food, Kids, Marriage, Men, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, Prostitution, Rack, Rockefeller Center, Shopping, Should've Used a Condom, Singing, Store, Street, Stupidity, Threats, Tourism, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Isn't That What Divorce Court Is?

Blazed girl #1: So what I'm saying is: 50% of American marriages end in divorce and the other 50% end in death.
Blazed girl #2: There's no other way for them to end?
Blazed girl #3: Oh, I forgot: 1% of American marriages end in sending your husband to the moon.
Blazed girl #2: No seriously, there must be some other way.
Blazed girl #3: Oh, yes: 2% of American marriages end in feeding your husband to a whale. He's still alive, but he's inside a whale, so you're not married.
Blazed girl #2: But what about if you go to a foreign country and you're still married to your husband but you, like, marry all the other guys you want?
Blazed girl #4: Well, you're still married. Also, there's no country where that's legal. So, no.
Blazed girl #3: Oh, I forgot: 1.5% of American marriages end in putting your husband in a glass box, like in a cage. And watching him do tricks.

–86 Bus

Overheard by: I like Blazed Girl #3

Posted on July 10, 2015
Animals & Nature, Breaking Up, Bus, Crime and Punishment, Death, Girls, Marriage, On the Bus, Questions, Wishes & desires

Dude, You Just Killed Rosa Parks

White chick: Excuse me sir, are these your bags?
Hispanic man: Yeah.
White chick: Do you mind if I sit here?

He moves his bags to another seat.

Hispanic man: Fucking white bitches! Making me move my bags! Fucking white bitches…sure bitch, sit down. There you go.

A few minutes later.

White dude: Excuse me, sir, are those your bags?
Hispanic man: Yeah.
White dude: Do you mind moving them, please?
Hispanic man: Sure, Cracker Jack cracker, I’ll move my bags so your white ass can sit.

–M14 bus

Posted on July 10, 2015
Latinos, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On the Bus, Public Transportation, White People

Wednesday One-Liners Need a Fluffer

Queer arguing with boyfriend: I’m just saying, I think it’s weird you shaved your balls and bought porn the one night that I was out of town.

–Outside Bergdorf’s, 5th Ave

Creepster on cell: Yeah, I wanted to tell you that I have that girl ready… The one for the video… You can’t hear me? I’m on a bus, not an airplane! It’s not like I have a cigar in my mouth or anything, and you’re telling me you can’t understand what I’m saying… Yes, I have her ready for the video… The girl! … About twenty minutes… Do you have Viagra in your house? Well go get some! You need Viagra so you can be hard for our movie!

–M4 bus

Overheard by: Hoping the 3rd grader next to me wasn’t paying attention

Queer on cell: I saw the most fucked-up porno the other day. This guy took his boot off, then smacked this other guy in the face with it, then came all over the table, and then made the other guy lick it up… Oddly enough, I was turned on by it. So, if you ever want to smack me with your boot, give me a call.

–23rd St & 8th Ave

Man sprinting up subway stairs: Hey, man, where peep shows at?

–33rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Brian

20-something chick: He says we’ll all be sleeping in a farm house with a pornographer at her wedding.

–Dallas BBQ, Upper East Side

Overheard by: Nipples

Posted on June 28, 2015
Bimbettes, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Creepsters, Kink, On Cell, On the Bus, Queer guys, Sex, Upper East Side

Omg, Like W.O.L.s, Lolcatz!

Girl to another, loudly: Oh my god! Where the fuck were you this morning? I was about to text you, but I realized you couldn't text. And I couldn't text either! And you wouldn't pick up your phone! And I needed to talk to you! But I couldn't reach you! So I just like fucking sat there and screamed for ten minutes!

–B9 Bus

20-something male to friend: I am so MIA right now. I am MIA. Like, I text you, but I am MIA. Like, so many people send texts to me, and I'm just MIA.

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: dallas

Girl leaving movie: Well, I'm sure she'll send out a mass text the second she has her baby.

–AMC Theater 19th & Broadway

Overheard by: Julie

20-something to another: Tiffany, I know I left Jason at the altar…but why didn't he text me back?

–1849 Bar, MacDougal & Bleecker

Laughing hobo to another: That is the funniest joke I've ever heard! You have to text that to me!

–St. Mark's Church, 2nd Ave & 9th St

Overheard by: cody

Posted on June 25, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Babies, Bars & Clubs, Breaking Up, Cell Phone, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friends, Girls, Hobos, Insults, Laughter, Marriage, Movie Theaters, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

First It’s Sweet and Sticky, but Then You Get Stung Repeatedly

Film student: No, I’ve never dipped my hand into the honey pot of prostitution, haha!
Friend: Oh.
Film student: I mean, not that I’m not familiar with sex work. I had a friend who was a stripper, and I did some soft porn. But prostitution is just… You know?
Friend: No, yeah, I know.
Film student: You don’t know.

–NYU bus

Overheard by: sjhaughty