Wednesday Two-Become-One Liners

Girl on cell: You're like the male version of me! Of course I want to have sex with you!

–Washington Square Park

Girl: I don't give a shit about your personal life, will anyone in this bar have goddamn sex with me?!

–Naked Lunch, Tribeca

Guy on cell: So anyway, I told her I'd come and fuck her brains out. Wait a minute, I've got another call coming in… (answers) Hi, mom!

–E Train

Gay queen, while female friends take photo of werewolf: It's worth having sex with just because of the foot…

–The Slaughtered Lamb Pub, West Village

Overheard by: Lost on Christmas Day

Girl on phone: I ain't denying you shit, motherfucker! You want to pound my ass? Come over and pound me! You want to fill my mouth with juice? Then fill me with juicy goodness! (pause) Okay, I'll see you later tonight, then.

–W 123rd & 8th Ave

Ferry queer on phone: Everyone looks like the sex they had last night.

–Staten Island

Posted on February 14, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Backdoor, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Cum, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Pictures, Queer guys, Sex, Staten Island, Threats, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, West Village, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Ain’t Gettin’ Any

Man learning about horseshoes, to his wife: You hear that, honey? Mating season is over for them. Does that sound familiar?

–New York Aquarium, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Tracy Fish

Early 20’s chick to Hasid trying to lure her into his van: I wouldn’t even sleep with you for WORLD PEACE!

–1st & Bedford, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Alison

Woman to friend: Conjugal visits, my ass! That man doesn’t give a shit about sex. In the two years we were together, we had sex six times! Six times!

–Starbucks, Astor Pl

Overheard by: Aaron A

Meathead on cell: We never get laid. We might as well be ninjas.

–Canal & Broadway

Professor: I don’t understand these Taliban guys. 27 virgins! 27 virgins! Who wants to spend eternity with a bunch of beginners?

–Classroom, FIT

Guy: So what you sayin’? I can’t have sex with you anymore?

–10th & University

Overheard by: Priska Neely

Posted on February 13, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Sex, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

They Make Coffee-Flavored Condoms, Right?

Husband: I can't fucking believe you fell asleep while I was making love to you.
Wife: Yeah, well maybe if your dick was bigger, I would be more inclined to stay up!
(pause)
Husband: Maybe we should get a divorce.
Wife: Why? So you can bore some hot 20-something into falling asleep on your dick?

–In line, MOMA

Headline by: Baby

Runners-Up:
· “Cathy Once Again Uses Her Overwhelming Logic to Get Out Of Divorce” – Erica
· “Isn’t That What Roofies Are For?” – KJM
· “Narcolepsy Destroys Families.” – KJM
· “She Called It His “Snooze Button”” – Taylor-Like-Woah
· “The One Conversation That Every Married Couple Has Had at Least Once” – I know I have
· “This Performance Art Piece Will Be Here All Week” – TV

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on February 11, 2015
Breaking Up, Couples, Headline Contest Winners, Height, MoMA, Penis, Sex

Wednesday One-Liners Take Occasional Breaks to Eat and Shower

Mini-skirt on cell: Just because I had sex with you doesn't mean I gave you my phone number!

–52nd & Lexington

Brunette with a booty on her cell: You're going to be a whore this summer. (quick pause) Can you start by coming out here and whoring yourself?!

–Penn Station

Hot brunette on cell: Ohmigod. How does he do those backflips? He's like 6 feet tall and super built. He probably gets so much ass. Whatever, I would totally be his groupie.

–Midtown East

Overheard by: damn i'd be his groupie too

Bouncer to bouncer: The bible does say "Be fruitful and multiply." It doesn't say "with one person."

–West Village

Overheard by: Bible Fan

Chick: I'm not a whore, but I am not gonna miss out on a chance to fuck that bitch's boyfriend. Plus, she owes me like 30 bucks.

–L Train

Overheard by: Kelly

Posted on February 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Bouncers, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One Night Stand, Penn Station, Promiscuity, Religion, Sex, West Village, Words

Where Can You Even Rent a Chicken Costume?

Columbia guy: So why haven't you had sex with him yet?
Columbia girl: Well, he wants our first time to be special, but that's the last thing I want in sex! I mean, it's gonna be awkward anyway, so we might as well get it over with!

–1 Train

Posted on February 10, 2015
Frat Boys, On the Subway, Questions, Sex, Sorority Girls, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Gone Wild

College-aged girl, to her friends: We have to make out tonight. And we have to get it on camera.

–Ave A

Overheard by: damnitanyway

Yuppie girl: I felt so uncomfortable so, like, I had to get wasted.

–9th St, Park Slope

Overheard by: Corbin

18-year-old Asian girl: My parents just don’t know me anymore, you know? I’ve changed my last year in New York, you know? Like, I’ve had sex with a lot of people.

–Food Emporium, 50th & 8th

Girl in red leather pants, on cell: Yeah, but you have to bring a leather outfit, otherwise you won’t get any clients. Everyone there is a biker or otherwise they are latex fetishists.

–89th & Broadway

Overheard by: ejuliast

Girl: I used to have two vibrators, but I broke ’em both.

–14th St

Trendy girl on cell: Yeah, so Long Islanders will be there. You know what that means: debauchery…and danger!

–41st & Lex

Girl: He had the nerve to tell me that I had no life. I was like, “I do too have a life! I am drinking constantly!”

—Petite Abeille, Tribeca

Posted on February 9, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Drinking & Drunk People, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Sex, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Every Minute You Spend at Home Becomes the Walk of Shame

Tall brunette: I wasn’t thaaaat drunk.
Shorter blonde: You fucked your roommate!

–6th b/w 1st & A

Overheard by: laughing

Posted on February 8, 2015
Comebacks, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Relationships, Sex, Union Square and East Village

Let’s Get It On, Wednesday One-liners

Guy on cell: She is worse than blow, man…I can never have sex with anyone else ever again now that I’ve had a taste of paradise.

–Starbucks, 43rd & 3rd

Chick on cell: So how come you never told me about this other girl you are dating? She’s from work? You have to tell me these things! You can’t just keep this shit from me…wait, so you just fucked her and now it’s over? That’s how it is? Why are you telling me this? You can’t just tell me this!

–Duane Reade, 96th & Broadway

Overheard by: Douglas Dukeman

Chick on cell: I swear to you, Matt was an animal in bed last night, but Kelly was much better.

–72nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Sophia