Indecisive girl at DiPaola's turkey stand: I'd like some… hot… Italian…
Guy selling turkey, eagerly: Yes?
Indecisive girl: Sausage.
–Fort Greene Farmers Market
Overheard by: Morning Glory
Indecisive girl at DiPaola's turkey stand: I'd like some… hot… Italian…
Guy selling turkey, eagerly: Yes?
Indecisive girl: Sausage.
–Fort Greene Farmers Market
Overheard by: Morning Glory
Irate professional woman on cell: I raced down to Penn Station to buy a ticket to New Jersey, and now you tell me you're going to Hooters?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Erin and Willa
Blonde hipster: I knew I needed to get out of there when I heard her saying, "we should go to that bar next because it's near the PATH!"
–Rivington & Essex
Train conductor: The next stop is Park Place. Transfer is available to the a, c, e and PATH to Newwwwwwwwwww Jersey. I also have wonderful news that I am dying to tell you today. All 2 and 3 trains are making local stops this weekend. There are no express trains because of service changes.
–2 Train
Girl, interrupting singing couple: Guys, we need to class it up, we are not in Jersey anymore!
–5th Ave & 86th
Overheard by: GerMan in NY
Four-year-old boy: I don't wanna go to New Jersey!
–New Jersey Transit Terminal, Penn Station
Hipster: But you were in New Jersey when you got pregnant, it's okay.
–1st & St. Mark's
Earth chick on cell: I had meditation and yoga class today. So, if you're coming over tonight we have to have spiritual sex.
–Barnes & Noble
Guy on cell: You're never going to believe this, but I need to tell you anyways. I just did some witchcraft.
–9th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Smoking Student
Yoga teacher: Not being able to do something can teach you a lot about yourself. Like how you're a fucking loser.
–Midtown
Rich white girl with dog in purse: Yeah, so when I went to go buy a dog, I picked Pookie out because he's a Pisces and I'm a Virgo, and that way our personalities will match.
–C Train
Overheard by: evan
White dude to another: I'd like to see what his chi looks like.
–Chinatown
Overheard by: Aileen
Girl on cell: Five hours later, I was still pulling cum out of my hair!
–13th St
Overheard by: questioning the physics
Drunk girl to drunk guy: I would love to be 5'8", I mean…it's like not tall…but like not short. (four minutes later, screaming) Yeah…like…too much thought is like…bad for you! (later) They should've jerked you off in your sock!
–84th & Amsterdam Ave
One of four middle aged men on a bench: Well, the key is to never swallow the cum, spit the cum out.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Dan
High voiced hobo to teenager: I want you to cum on my face.
–72nd St & Broadway
20-something girl on cell: Oh, you can't carry the microscope with you? Well, if you come here we'll have to forgo the sperm. If I come to visit you, then we can work it into the schedule.
–Ess-A-Bagel
Overheard by: Emma
NYU dude: How do you get cock-blocked while you're jizzing?!
–St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: IWasWonderingThatToo
Student, slamming reproductive biology book shut: Sperm! It's everywhere!
–Bobst Library
Overheard by: ttny
Sorority chick leaving a democratic rally where hillary clinton spoke: God, they all sounded so political!
–Wagner College
5 year-old boy (to his mother): Is it true that obama's going to raise taxes?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jen
Woman on cell: I'm trying to find joe sixpack. (pause) no, I don't know joe sixpack.
–98th & Broadway
Several middle-aged, wealthy #40 something upper east side ladies at the dinner table next to us at a french restaurant, discussing politics. The last point on sarah palin: "her hair's fine, her glasses are fine, her clothes are ok but I'm sorry, she's a fucking loser."
–Jacques Brasserie — Upper East Side
Overheard by: Lindsey Miller
Drunk girl: "if lil' wayne was president, things would be running much more smoothly."
–E Houston St & Lafayette St,
Overheard by: Teddy
"my cousin said that obama is the antichrist."
(pause).
"that's mad rude, right?"
–M66
Overheard by: Charley
Flyer guy: Smile, you're on Broadway! (singing) You're never fully dressed…when you're naked! (stops singing) So come to New York's best improvisational comedy club! Be there, or be someplace else!
–Times Square
Overheard by: gregumsdagreggy
Annoying man outside comedy club, to passerby: Do you like stand-up comedy? (passerby ignores him keeps walking) Do you like free alcohol? (passerby keeps walking) Do you like ignoring me? (passerby turns head and nods)
–Broadway
Overheard by: Wojo
Comedy show ticket salesman to couple: So, what are you two doing tonight…besides each other?
–Broadway & 49th St
Overheard by: Theo
Ticket guy to walking couple: Do you like comedy or do you just do each other? Maybe that's all you need.
–51st & 8th
Overheard by: PartyByNight
Street vendor: Want to see a comedy show for $10? Free drinks! Cheaper than crack cocaine!
–42nd St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: gradstudent
Comedy club flyer guy: Blah, blah, blah, take my flyer!
–Times Square
Overheard by: No flyer, but props for the delivery
Slightly thugged-out guy, rapping to little white poodle: Li'l coco! You's a muthafuckin' beast, yo! Li'l coco! Yeah!
–Cobble Hill, Brooklyn
Overheard by: John Bender
Guy to dog: Lady, it's just me! There's only me!
–77th St, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Jon A.
Big burly guy to tiny yorkie, as it sniffs tree and walks away: Well, thanks for that false alarm.
–43rd St & 10th Ave
Upper West Side lady to little pampered dog with sweater: It's okay, baby, you can talk.
–80th Ave & Columbus
Hipster dog walker, whispering to herd of dachsunds: Mushhhhh…
–Central Park
Guy #1: I think I'm going deaf.
Guy #2: What?
–Broadway
Lady on cell: She must have been humiliated by the parade of wives!
–Broadway & 72nd
Man to friend: Whenever I want to fuck my wife, she doesn't want to. But when I can't, she always wants to. I think she does it out of spite.
–12th St
(Elton John's Rocketman playing on radio) "I miss the Earth so much… I miss my wife…"
Barista: You don't miss your wife, Elton. You're gay!
–Small Coffee Shop, SoHo
Midget handing out fliers: Who likes comedy? (to man in striped shirt) Hey, do you like comedy? I like striped shirts, let's work something out here!
(man keeps walking)
Midget, yelling after him: No wonder your wife doesn't love you!
–Union Square Subway
30-something guy: Dude, that's so rude. Plus, she's going to be your wife soon, so you've got to stop calling her that.
–Hell's Kitchen
Tween girl: No, it's "Yiddish"! "Yiddish," not "ribbit."
–Penn Station
Overheard by: ragnvaeig
20-something girl to older friend: No, no… "ghetto" is just slang–it's not a real word.
–PATH Train
Guy on cell: Yo. (pause) Yo, yo. (pause) Yo, yo. (pause) Yo, yo, yo.
–Pacific St & Atlantic Ave
Overheard by: jayloo
Guy to another, who has obviously caused him some emotional strife: I just don't understand why you had to did me so dirty.
–Hudson River Park
Teenage boy: But I ain't know where was them talkin' about it! (teenage friend nods sympathetically)
–Downtown 6 Train
Girl to guy: It must be your manstinct. (pause) Not ya manstink!
–Central Park
