Take Wednesday One-Liners and Call Me in the Morning

Dude on cell: I have meningitis! I have SARS! (several people look at him in concern) That's what you tell them! Just get out of doing it somehow!

–Amtrak Train, Penn Station

Overheard by: Momentarily Panicked

Irate old lady on cell: What are you talking about? She's supposed to be taking the train. (pause) What? The flu? Tell her to shove it up, I'm getting really sick of this. What kind of flu? Does she have diarrhea? A fever? Is she sneezing, coughing?

–W 66th St

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Woman to husband: Deaf people can't hear.

–MoMA

Whiny preteen: Mom, I have diabetes. I'm not even playing around right now–I have diabetes.

–Marquis Theatre

Overheard by: Just here to see the show…

Girl on phone: I don't think I have rabies…do you think I have rabies?

–Columbia University

Dunkin' Donuts employee, sneezing near donuts, to customer: Don't worry, I work better when I'm sick.

–Dunkin' Donuts

Posted on April 1, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clerks, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Customers, Girls, Guys, Handicaps, Illness, Jobs & Careers, MoMA, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Stupidity, Theater, Trains Not Subway, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday-One-Liner Me, Kate

Black lesbian hipster: Don't, like, kiss me or look into my eyes…just fuck me and then buy me lunch.

–Eugene Lang College

Overheard by: Helena the Great

Little boy to sister, watching couple kissing and hugging: Ewwwwww! He kissed her!

–3rd Ave & 34th St

Overheard by: Valley

Guy on cell: So then if she has herpes, should I not kiss her?

–PATH Train

Woman to toddler: Yes, it's good. It's very good. Kissing and hugging are good.

–Eldridge St, Chinatown

Overheard by: wheelerface

Dad, to teenage son: Hey, Karen kissed me. And it was real.

–E 20th St

Overheard by: Angela

250-pound male Metro worker, singing gruffly: I kissed a girl and I liked it!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Chis K

Posted on April 1, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Chinatown, Clerks, College, Dads, Fat People, Food, Grand Central, Guys, Hipsters, Hugs, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, Lesbians, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Sex, Sisters, STDs, Street, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

What's Wednesday One-Liner Got to Do with Tit?

Heavy woman lugging suitcase to friends ahead of her: Wait! My breasts are falling out of my bra! I need help!

–Union Square

Overheard by: kpan

Girl walking through hall: So are your tits getting bigger?

–Fordham Lincoln Center Dorms

Overheard by: Growing pains

Girl on phone: Take my ass and add your boobs and it's like a wet dream in this neighborhood.

–Orchard & Rivington

Overheard by: Julie

Guy smoking outside Starbucks: Well, we didn't have sex, but I did see her tits…in my head

–36th & 7th

Overheard by: Top Chef

English teacher: We're like cows, milking the intellectual tits of our minds.

–LaGuardia High School

Posted on April 1, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Ass, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Chinatown, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Fast Times at New York High, Fat People, Fordham, Girls, Guys, Height, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Rack, Sex, Street, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

One Pill Makes You Wednesday and One Pill Makes You One-Liners

Young hipster to friend: Remember when we sat there, I was high on Vicodin and we saw that guy take a shit in the fountain?

–Union Square Greenmarket

Rich woman yelling on phone: I don't care about your stupid laws or ethics or whatever. (pause) No, I pay you too much money not to get the goddamn drugs I want. (pause) Just write the fucking prescriptions and send them! What the fuck kind of drug dealing doctor are you?

–Metro North Train

Loud lady on cell on escalator: I'm on all these medications you're not supposed to be on when you're pregnant!

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Visiting Kiran

Jock: Nothing's as bad as being allergic to Viagra, man!

–NYU Bus

Lady of indeterminate age: A craving is just a thought on steroids.

–26th st & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Lucky Gunther

Obese woman to male friend: I need to get some Viagra from my dad.

–17th St & 8th Ave

Posted on April 1, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Drugs, Fat People, Friends, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Insults, Jocks, Medicine, Money & Class, Nostalgia, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Philosophy, Poop, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Rich people, Store, Street, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

New York Invented Social Darwinism

Girl #1: We can't cross now! There are cars coming!
Girl #2, beginning to walk into street: Well, they can't hit all of us.

–Lexington & 3rd

Overheard by: Following the leader

Posted on March 30, 2009
Advice, Cars and Driving, Girls, Street, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Can I Feed Them Something Sharp?

Mom: You have to start feeding your birds, honey.
Little girl: I don't want to.
Mom: It's called “responsibility”, you need…
Little girl, interrupting: I don't like birds!

–27th St

Posted on March 29, 2009
Birds, Food, Gripes, Kids, Moms, Street, Wishes & desires, Words

Ah, the Sounds Of the City…

Fundraising man: Donate just one penny, one penny can make a difference…
Woman passing by: Well then put yer own damn penny in it!

–5th & 57th

Overheard by: jen

Posted on March 26, 2009
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Only in New York, Street, Women

You Already Did That Twice in the Club

Party girl, bending over to pet a dog tied to a mailbox: Hi, puppy!
Male friend: Don't do that, don't pet a strange dog.
Random black guy, barking: He gonna bite your hand!
Party girl: I'm going to bite your hand.
Random black guy: You bite my hand, I bite yo booty.

–Hudson & 10th

Overheard by: erkala

Posted on March 26, 2009
Advice, Ass, Bimbettes, Black People, Body Parts, Friends, Man's Best Friend, Street, Threats, Weirdness, West Village

Wednesday Doesn't Know a Single One-Liner Here Tonight

Girl to friend: This party is going to be awesome! Wait. We have to stop somewhere on the way…I gotta pee before I put out tonight.

–Montrose & Graham

Dude: Do you even know what an Animal Collective Listening Party means in the rest of the country?

–Animal Collective Album Listening Party, River Room, Harlem

Overheard by: care bear stare

Girl: I think it's okay if she parties, as long as it's with a bunch of Christians.

–West 4th b/w 6th & MacDougal

Girl to friend: There's this party in the East Village. It's called "Spit." I'll tell you next time I go. It's on Fridays. But my gawd, these guys are cokeheads. I ended up with ten of them in my apartment last week.

–8th & 18th

Overheard by: Sebastian White

Chick on cell: Do parties *count* if there's nothing but necking and spanking and nipple-tweaking?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Guy: I know I'm gay, but the best part of my Bar Mitzvah was meeting the party planner.

–Barns & Noble, 8th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Rijita

Posted on March 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, Columbia University, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jews, Judaism, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Names, Nipples, On Cell, One-liners, Orgy, Parades & Festitivites, Pee, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Questions, S&M, Sex, Store, Street, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners

If You've Got Wednesday One-Liners, Flaunt 'Em!

Hispanic girl on phone: I'm in the Heights, looking at clothes…of course they're slutty, that's all we wear.

–St Nicholas Ave b/w 181 & 182 St

Overheard by: Linda Rhodes

Friend to scantily clad girl adjusting extremely low-cut shirt: Why are you even wearing a shirt?

–NYU

Flamboyant black man: Girl, I can see yo' pussy, yo' pants are too tight!

–14th St

Blonde: I'm just going to put a thong and a mini skirt on him, and he'll entertain us.

–Broadway & 34th St, Astoria

Overheard by: Natalie

Freshman NYU student during welcome week: I can't wait to get some slutty clothes…so I can fit in.

–Outside NYU's Kimmel Center

Posted on March 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Biotechs, Black People, Clothing, Friends, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Height, Latinos, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Sorority Girls, Street, Students, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners

Street