No Meal Is Complete Without Wednesday One-Liner!

Suit: Guess what he found. (pause) A stick of butter. (pause) In the soap dish of the bathtub upstairs.

–Cafe Toda, Broadway & John St

Loud teenage boy: They're completely uncivilized. They don't even use tomato sauce.

–Japan Society

Overheard by: Sunny

Student, about dorm room: I walk in and thought there was a pile of shit on my bed. I look a little closer, and it was a fucking wad of dip.

–College, The Bronx

Student to another: Who made you the butter police?

–Union & 7th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lauren Razzore

Posted on October 21, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, College, Cops, Food, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, More museums, One-liners, Poop, Questions, Smoking, Street, Students, Stupidity, Suits, Teens, The Bronx, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

You Mean, Like, Over IM?

NYU student to friends: Let's exchange ideas and have, like, a discussion.
Stoop-warming friends: (laugh)
NYU student, annoyed: No, like, for real.

–University Place & 8th

Overheard by: SK

Posted on October 20, 2009
Friends, Laughter, Offers and requests, Philosophy, Students, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners: Willing, but Unripe

Loud-mouthed girl to friends: She says, "I've had sex with over 100 men." And so I says, "girl! You fourteen!"

–R Train

Thirty-something black man to Catholic high school girls: So what's it take for a couple of black guys to get to play with y'all's skirts?

–Metro-North

Overheard by: kfkdjsdf

Father to infant daughter in stroller: Hey! Close your legs!

–SoHo

Professor: Your favorite teacher from high school turned out to be a pedophile? Seriously? Well was he a real pedophile, or just a hooking-up-with-teenage-students kind of pedophile?

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Jack Package

13-year-old girl on phone: So guess what… I lost my virginity last night… looks like you owe me a soda.

–H & M

Overheard by: Imani

Posted on September 30, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Dads, Drinks, Fordham, Friends, Hook Ups, Kids, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Promiscuity, Questions, Race, Robbing the Cradle, School and studying, Sex, Soho, Store, Students, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Virginity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

…That Is the Expression, Right?

Student: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving, monsieur?
NYU French professor, with heavy French accent: Bien sûr! I'm as American as apple pie!

–NYU Classroom

Posted on September 27, 2009
Celebrations/Parties, Classroom, Compare/Contrast, Food, Languages, NYU, Questions, Students, Teachers/Professors

Nine Wears a Leather Jacket and Cuts Class

College girl #1: What do you think their core curriculum is like at Julliard?
College girl #2: Dance math!
College girl #3: Yeah, nothing goes above the number 8.

–Corner Cafe, Chelsea

Overheard by: Sromeo

Posted on September 25, 2009
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dancing, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Science, Students

Cherry Poppin' Daddies: You Have Done Nothing Wrong

Jewish senior girl #1: My grandpa died. His name was hymen!
Jewish senior girl #2, laughing: Your grandpa's name was hymen! (pause) Wait… my grandpa's name was hymen. My hymen died.
Jewish senior girl #1: (silence)
Jewish senior girl #2: I meant my grandpa.
Sophomore boy: I feel like I just sinned.

–Bx10 Bus

Overheard by: luckily yom kippur was coming up

Posted on September 24, 2009
Boys, Bus, Death, Family Ties, Girls, Jews, Laughter, Names, On the Bus, Students, Virginity, Weirdness

Nature's Way Of Saying 'Never Eat There Again'

NYU student #1: Oh, how 'bout here? Its 20% off for students.
NYU student #2: Yeah, but I will shit for weeks.

–Bleecker & Thompson

Posted on September 22, 2009
Food, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Poop, Students, The Village

But Your Right to Vomit Stops Where My Shoes Begin

Criminal law professor: But why shouldn't it be illegal to be intoxicated in public?
Student: No one should impede my right to have a good time.

–Brooklyn Law School

Posted on September 22, 2009
Brooklyn, College, Crime and Punishment, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Questions, School and studying, Students, Teachers/Professors

Which Reminds Me– I Owe You Fifty Bucks.

Student: What about sex?
Economics professor: What about it?
Student: Well, it's something that probably never has a diminishing marginal utility.
Economics professor: You wish. (class laughs) Plus, for most of us in this room, sex isn't usually a market transaction.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Danielle

Posted on September 20, 2009
Classroom, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Money & Class, Prostitution, Questions, School and studying, Sex, Students, Teachers/Professors, Wishes & desires

Maybe, but Her Body Stayed in the River

Cashier #1: So I was like, “Damn! I ain't gonna be drowned like this!” So I fought fo' mah life! And that's why I ain't dead.
Cashier #2: Yeah, that's the desire to live! It's human instinct, yo!
Cashier #1: Unless you kill yoself or somethin'.
Cashier #2: Yeah, but that's only if you just off a building or hang yourself or some shit, no one gonna drown themself!
Columbia chick: Well actually, Virginia Woolf drowned herself.
Cashier #1: What, she fall into the bathtub?
Columbia chick: Um, well no, she put rocks in her pocket and walked into a river.
Cashier #2: I bet she walked right out again! Shit…

–Health Store, 114th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Posted on September 19, 2009
About Celebrities, Accidents, Cashiers, Columbia, Death, Store, Students, Suicide

Students