Wednesday One-Liners Write Off Nipple Tassels on Their Income Taxes

Father to son: Well, I guess she’ll just have to become a stripper…

–Times Square

Overheard by: Lezbitron

Girl on phone: I guess we should go ahead with the strippers and do it.

–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: MG

Middle-aged woman: I don’t know. I mean, can you put a 20 in the G-string?

–Metro-North, Harlem Line

Frat boy: Hey, man, belly dancers ain’t strippers. I learned that the hard way.

–AMC Theaters, Lincoln Center

Girl to pal: Well, where do you want your ashes spread? A strip club?

–12th & 3rd

Overheard by: Talia

Posted on March 5, 2008
Advice, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Death, Default, Frat Boys, Girls, Grocery Stores, Movie Theaters, On the Subway, Questions, Strippers, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Women, Words

Now She’s Drying Off with Her Wings!

Australian guy, shocked at pixie chick peeing on nearby steps: Does that girl not have her pants on?!
Australian girl, unaware: What? [Both turn to stare.]
Pixie chick’s guy friend: Yes, that’s right! She’s peeing!

–St. Mark’s Pl, between 1st Ave & Ave A

Overheard by: justin

Posted on March 4, 2008
Default, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Pee, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Whereas I’ve Had to Wait Weeks for My Crochet Supplies

Big thug #1: … And I was like, ‘No fuckin’ way.’
Big thug #2: Yeah, nigga. That shit is like magic.
Big thug #1: I know, nigga. I did it. I went home and I ordered the new Harry Potter from Amazon. That shit came the next day. It was like magic.

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: h

Posted on March 2, 2008
Books & Writing, Compliments, Default, Fat People, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

But What Else Do We Know about Ann Coulter?

Girl #1: She’s such a fucking bitch.
Girl #2: She’s such a motherfucking bitch.
Girl #1: Yeah, but she’s hot.
Girl #2: Yeah, she’s really fucking hot.

–7th & Ave A

Posted on February 29, 2008
Compliments, Default, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Physical appearance, Union Square and East Village

Is It Hot in Here, or Is It You, Wednesday One-Liners?

Man to scantily clad girl passerby: Yo, can I get your number? Can I text message you? Can I e-mail you? Somethin’? [As she walks away] Can I be your socks?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Nicole

70-year-old man to 20-something jogger: Good morning. Would you like to wrestle in the grass over there?

–Riverside Park

Drunken Don Juan: Hey… Miss… Miss… Ah… Is your husband… Is your husband married?

–Prospect Pl & Classon, Brooklyn

Overheard by: sweet tea

Drunk guy to girl: You have nice toes. I want to put them in my mouth.

–St. Mark’s & 2nd Ave

Creepy guy to hot blonde, after trying to pick her up: I’m not trying to hit on you. I just want to be your friend on Facebook.

–78th & Columbus

Posted on February 27, 2008
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Creepsters, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Facebook, Guys, Old People, Parks, Pick-up Lines, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Liners Will Bring the Keg

Black tween girl: So, Jared was like, ‘What? You want a pizza party?’ and I said, ‘No, I want a party that I can pop, lock, and drop in.’ And then she goes, ‘Girl, I can pop and lock, but if I drop, I’ll drop.

–59th & Lex N/R/W stop

Overheard by: koala

Drunk guy on cell: What? Yeah, it’s always a great party… Hmmm… Let me think of who I have to sleep with to get you an invite…

–34th & 3rd

20-ish chick: I was telling the girls about how his cock unfurls like one of those party blowers, and then they happened to have those blowers at the New Year’s Eve party we went to, so I tormented them with one all night.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Late-30s guy: I’m the kind of guy who goes to parties and brags about my perky corneas.

–House party, S 8th St, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Guy on cell: Well, the funeral was Tuesday… Yeah, the party was that night.

–10th & 2nd

Overheard by: Suzz

Barbie type to tourist pals: It sucks — you guys are like two weeks late to party with Heath Ledger.

–2nd Ave, between E 6th & E 7th St

Overheard by: Ben

Posted on February 27, 2008
About Celebrities, Black People, Body Parts, Celebrations/Parties, Columbia (& Barnard), Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Death, Default, Drunks, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Penis, Sex & Relationships, The Village, Tweens, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Williamsburg

Okay, One More Time — There Are Two Kinds of Pies

Man #1: No one is going to eat this pie.
Man #2: Yeah, someone will.
Man #1: Well, not after I finger-fuck it!

–Union Square

Posted on February 26, 2008
Default, Food, Men, Sex, Union Square and East Village

I Launder It with My Money

Woman: Do you smell that? That’s the smell of crime and corruption.
Man: That’s the smell of my underwear.

–Union Square

Posted on February 24, 2008
Comebacks, Default, Men, Scents of the City, Union Square and East Village, Women

This City Has It All!

Thugette: I just want to go some place where I feel comfortable.
Thug: I just want to go some place where I can piss on you.

–East Village

Overheard by: r. kelly

Posted on February 23, 2008
Comebacks, Default, Girls, Kink, Offers and requests, Pee, Thugs, Union Square and East Village

Heave-Ho, Wednesday One-Liners!

Girl to friend passed out on stoop: Michelle! Michelle! I’ma take your picture for your MySpace page! Throw up again!

–University & E 9th St

Overheard by: Thompson

Chick: It’s not like I miss my parents or anything, but it’s just that the toilets here are so gross to throw up in.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Mark Jochens

Vomiting thugette: I don’t even know what that is… Oh, God, that’s pizza!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: traPt

Cute chick: I was way too drunk to do anything but have sex, throw up a pizza burger, and take a shower… in that order.

–The Black Sheep, 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Argopelter

Student to another: I dunno… All I heard is that he threw up all over his daughter’s teacher!

–Mercer University

Overheard by: J Dawg

Conductor: Hey, here’s a novel idea — if you have to vomit, vomit on yourself! Not on the ground, on yourself!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Dave

Posted on February 20, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Cleanliness, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Conductors, Girls, Gossip, Gripes, Idiots, Junk Food & Fast Food, Myspace, Nostalgia, Sex, Students, Stupidity, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Vomit

Union Square and East Village