I'm Too Sexy for My Wednesday One-Liners.

Comedian guy with flyer: Girl, you have some sexy nostrils!

–Broadway

Gay man to another: Next Halloween I am going to be a sexy tub of lard.

–Broadway & Spring

20-something hot girl on cell: So, like, Kristin was supposed to go as a water-boarding torture victim, which is hilarious, but then, she like, um, shows up as a *sexy* water-boarding torture victim, which is better than being, like, all gross and frumpy. But come on… that's not funny.

–Q Train

Creepy old man: When I was was a kid… Coney Island was hot! I mean "sexy." I mean it was… Bam!

–Neptune Ave

Overheard by: taylor

Girl on cell: It's really not like a sexy stabbing.

–Centre St

Posted on December 21, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Creepsters, Flyer people, Food, Girls, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nostalgia, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Queer guys, Soho, Stab, Strangers, Street, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Words

Overheard in Wednesday One-Liner

20-something dude to another: It's so hard to get laid in this city before 11 pm!

–M-15 Bus

Hottie: I am in New York City. You need to make $250,000 to live like a white person.

–28th & 29th

Overheard by: A black person from Chicago

20-something male to female: So you'd better be prepared. It's like the Times Square of New York.

–16th St & Union Square

Overheard by: Annie B

Middle-aged Hispanic dude to Indian salesperson: This is New York City. Nobody's gonna kill you, okay?

–Rite-Aid

Young gay man: That's what I hate about New York City. It's such a fucking small town.

–14th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: molls

Posted on December 12, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Desi, Fears, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Height, Idiots, Jobs & Careers, Latinos, Money & Class, Murder, On the Bus, One-liners, Only in New York, Queens, Queer guys, Race, Sex, Stupidity, Time, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners for Diane Keaton

Straight guy in hot pink underwear: Yeah, I've fallen asleep in deer stands, and all kinds of weird places.

–Gold's Gym, 54th St

Overheard by: Johnny V

Girl on cell: His hair is wiry and weird. He had a party and sold raffle tickets, the winner got to restyle his hair. He's weird.

–1 Train

Overheard by: whirlygirlie518

White teen girl to friends: No, no, no! I told you guys, if I marry a Japanese, then there's all that weird sex stuff. I'm marrying Korean. They're adorable, and don't have that weird communism thing the Chinese do.

–Chinatown

Girl from Nashville on cell: They serve like weird pasta here with weird vegetables and weird meat. My favorite meal here is breakfast. I am so ready to go home!

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: D-Law

Posted on December 4, 2018
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Celebrations/Parties, Chinatown, Food, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Guys, Gyms, Hair, Home, Sweet Home, LaGuardia Airport, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Politics, Southerners, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People

A Carton of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: I’m getting on the train now, so I’ll be there soon. Just wait for me on the corner and smoke something.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Devon

Smoker chick: I lose lighters like I lose men.

–Central Park

Overheard by: RENThead

Nerd: I don’t even like smoking. I just like feeling like an arrogant jerk.

–LIRR to Penn Station

Overheard by: Heather Baharestani

Man to friends: I mean, I don’t know about him. He doesn’t play sports, he doesn’t drink, smoke or do drugs… What kind of a life is that?

–Manhattan-bound M train

Overheard by: amazed

Hipster: The Statue of Liberty would be so much cooler if she had a cigarette.

–D train

Overheard by: dianora

Posted on December 3, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Smoking, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

If You're Against Wednesday One-Liners, Don't Have One

Opera director, after tech sticks a wire hanger under the thermostat box to turn up the heat: Well, someone just got an abortion! (everyone stares) Okay, enough of that. Back to work! Ha! Ha! Ha!

–Brooklyn Music School

Comedy club promoter: Cheaper than a Chinese abortion!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Mickey

Bar customer to bartender: You're only 22? I have an aborted fetus that's older than you!

–110th & Amsterdam

Man selling tickets: Help me pay for my girlfriend's abortion by coming to the comedy club!

–Times Square

Man to very pregnant friend he has not seen for a while: Karen! Oh my god, how are you? I thought you had gotten an abortion.

–D Train

Overheard by: blistexaddict

Posted on November 29, 2018
Abortion, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bartenders, Bosses, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Laughter, Men, Money & Class, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, School, Strangers, Theater & Dance, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer Subway Sandwiches

Lost-looking chick on cell: Why do they always fuck with the trains on weekends? Don't they know there are stoned people trying to get home?

–Subway Platform, Grand Central

Overheard by: Poogtastic

Loudspeaker dispatcher lady: Hey you! Uptown number 5! You better stop sticking your head out the window and answer me on the radio!

–Uptown 4,5,6 Train, Union Square

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Elegant gentleman, as train starts to depart station: Oh, I didn't realize the train was going to move.

–Crowded Uptown 1 Train

MTA announcement: The uptown 1 train is running.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Krisztina

Dispatcher: The arriving train will be the next train. The arriving train will be the next train.

–G Train, Court Square

Overheard by: Katrink

Old man: I'm coming, train. I'm coming. I'm coming, train, you son of a bitch bastard!

–6 Train

Posted on November 25, 2018
Girls, Grand Central, Home, Sweet Home, Idiots, Insults, Men, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Stoners, Stupidity, Subway Stations, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-liners Know Their ABCs

Guy on cell being way too loud at 1AM: Yo! I’m on Avenue M as in motherfucker!

–Avenue M & E 17 St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Daniil Sosonkin

Announcer: For service to 81st Street, take the downtown B as in bubble or D as in Ducktales.

–86th Street B/C station

Overheard by: frocky

Posted on November 23, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, One-liners, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Words

Wednesday One-liners, the Play

British guy: Two tickets to Grand Central, please.

–Bowling Green station

Overheard by: Kirsten Teasdale

Woman on cell: I’m not going to punch her in the mouth, Danny.

–Grand Central station

Suit: You’re ruining my life, you pot-smoking whore!

–34th & Broadway

Posted on November 22, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Business and Commerce, Insults, Offers and requests, Public Transportation, Punch, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weed

What's Your Sign, Wednesday One-Liner?

Young man to pretty girl with glasses eating hot dog: That hot dog matches your beautiful glasses!

–Hot Dog Stand, 34th St

Overheard by: gothchick

Dude to girls crossing street: Hey, miss ladies! Youse look nice out!

–Ludow & Stanton

Overheard by: M & J

Guy to girl passing by: El sexy-o! I know how to say it in Spanish, I wanna know how to say it in Caucasian!

–14th St & 1st Ave

Crazy guy: Hey, Snow White! Come talk to Black Beauty. Cuz you know vanilla and chocolate make a good fudge, girl.

–W 110th St

Overheard by: Ashley

Bro standing in sidewalk, harassing passing girls: Hello! I've been waiting all my life for you! Hello, where have you been all my life? Hello, I eat pussy. Hello, I've got money. Hello?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Bruce Lee