Wednesday One-Liners for Diane Keaton

Straight guy in hot pink underwear: Yeah, I've fallen asleep in deer stands, and all kinds of weird places.

–Gold's Gym, 54th St

Overheard by: Johnny V

Girl on cell: His hair is wiry and weird. He had a party and sold raffle tickets, the winner got to restyle his hair. He's weird.

–1 Train

Overheard by: whirlygirlie518

White teen girl to friends: No, no, no! I told you guys, if I marry a Japanese, then there's all that weird sex stuff. I'm marrying Korean. They're adorable, and don't have that weird communism thing the Chinese do.

–Chinatown

Girl from Nashville on cell: They serve like weird pasta here with weird vegetables and weird meat. My favorite meal here is breakfast. I am so ready to go home!

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: D-Law

Posted on December 4, 2018
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Celebrations/Parties, Chinatown, Food, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Guys, Gyms, Hair, Home, Sweet Home, LaGuardia Airport, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Politics, Southerners, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People

A Carton of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: I’m getting on the train now, so I’ll be there soon. Just wait for me on the corner and smoke something.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Devon

Smoker chick: I lose lighters like I lose men.

–Central Park

Overheard by: RENThead

Nerd: I don’t even like smoking. I just like feeling like an arrogant jerk.

–LIRR to Penn Station

Overheard by: Heather Baharestani

Man to friends: I mean, I don’t know about him. He doesn’t play sports, he doesn’t drink, smoke or do drugs… What kind of a life is that?

–Manhattan-bound M train

Overheard by: amazed

Hipster: The Statue of Liberty would be so much cooler if she had a cigarette.

–D train

Overheard by: dianora

Posted on December 3, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Smoking, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

If You're Against Wednesday One-Liners, Don't Have One

Opera director, after tech sticks a wire hanger under the thermostat box to turn up the heat: Well, someone just got an abortion! (everyone stares) Okay, enough of that. Back to work! Ha! Ha! Ha!

–Brooklyn Music School

Comedy club promoter: Cheaper than a Chinese abortion!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Mickey

Bar customer to bartender: You're only 22? I have an aborted fetus that's older than you!

–110th & Amsterdam

Man selling tickets: Help me pay for my girlfriend's abortion by coming to the comedy club!

–Times Square

Man to very pregnant friend he has not seen for a while: Karen! Oh my god, how are you? I thought you had gotten an abortion.

–D Train

Overheard by: blistexaddict

Posted on November 29, 2018
Abortion, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bartenders, Bosses, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Laughter, Men, Money & Class, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, School, Strangers, Theater & Dance, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer Subway Sandwiches

Lost-looking chick on cell: Why do they always fuck with the trains on weekends? Don't they know there are stoned people trying to get home?

–Subway Platform, Grand Central

Overheard by: Poogtastic

Loudspeaker dispatcher lady: Hey you! Uptown number 5! You better stop sticking your head out the window and answer me on the radio!

–Uptown 4,5,6 Train, Union Square

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Elegant gentleman, as train starts to depart station: Oh, I didn't realize the train was going to move.

–Crowded Uptown 1 Train

MTA announcement: The uptown 1 train is running.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Krisztina

Dispatcher: The arriving train will be the next train. The arriving train will be the next train.

–G Train, Court Square

Overheard by: Katrink

Old man: I'm coming, train. I'm coming. I'm coming, train, you son of a bitch bastard!

–6 Train

Posted on November 25, 2018
Girls, Grand Central, Home, Sweet Home, Idiots, Insults, Men, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Stoners, Stupidity, Subway Stations, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-liners Know Their ABCs

Guy on cell being way too loud at 1AM: Yo! I’m on Avenue M as in motherfucker!

–Avenue M & E 17 St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Daniil Sosonkin

Announcer: For service to 81st Street, take the downtown B as in bubble or D as in Ducktales.

–86th Street B/C station

Overheard by: frocky

Posted on November 23, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, One-liners, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Words

Wednesday One-liners, the Play

British guy: Two tickets to Grand Central, please.

–Bowling Green station

Overheard by: Kirsten Teasdale

Woman on cell: I’m not going to punch her in the mouth, Danny.

–Grand Central station

Suit: You’re ruining my life, you pot-smoking whore!

–34th & Broadway

Posted on November 22, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Business and Commerce, Insults, Offers and requests, Public Transportation, Punch, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weed

What's Your Sign, Wednesday One-Liner?

Young man to pretty girl with glasses eating hot dog: That hot dog matches your beautiful glasses!

–Hot Dog Stand, 34th St

Overheard by: gothchick

Dude to girls crossing street: Hey, miss ladies! Youse look nice out!

–Ludow & Stanton

Overheard by: M & J

Guy to girl passing by: El sexy-o! I know how to say it in Spanish, I wanna know how to say it in Caucasian!

–14th St & 1st Ave

Crazy guy: Hey, Snow White! Come talk to Black Beauty. Cuz you know vanilla and chocolate make a good fudge, girl.

–W 110th St

Overheard by: Ashley

Bro standing in sidewalk, harassing passing girls: Hello! I've been waiting all my life for you! Hello, where have you been all my life? Hello, I eat pussy. Hello, I've got money. Hello?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Posted on November 20, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Columbia University, Compliments, Crazies, Food, Girls, Guys, Hot dog stands, Junk Food & Fast Food, Language Barrier, Lower East Side, Money & Class, One-liners, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Race, Strangers, Street, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Refer to 110th Street As ‘Downtown’

Exchange student: I was just telling him how to use a Post-it.

–Columbia

20-ish male: Actually, global warming is only going to benefit New York City.

–Columbia

Overheard by: martina m.

Chick: I am not eating somewhere with a misplaced apostrophe in its menu.

–Columbia

Overheard by: Ladle

Young Columbia student: Yeah, so all of a sudden I was walking home drunk, in a diaper, with a huge scar.

–1 train

Columbia grad student: … And if you ask him he’ll say, ‘I’m making money for the school! I’m making money for the school! I do drugs! I do drugs!’

–1 train

Student to another: As for the article, I don’t care about the truth of my argument. I care about people knowing how big my penis is.

–Columbia

Conductor: This is 116th Street, Columbia University. Good luck paying your tuition.

–116th St

Overheard by: Sam

Posted on November 9, 2018
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Gripes, Heat, Money & Class, Only in New York, Penis, Politics, Public Transportation, School and studying, Stupidity, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday-One-Liners Prep for Their Roles in Mean Girls II

Woman on cell: I feel bad about ripping the kid off, but…

–Fort Greene Park

Overheard by: Zoe

Suit: Well, apparently I’m part psychic and part asshole.

–Union Square

Overheard by: quite the combo

Blue collar guy: I stopped giving to panhandlers 10 years ago. This guy hit me up every day at my stop and one day I gave him a sandwich and some cigarettes. I watched him and he threw the sandwich away. I went over to him and worked him over pretty bad. I dumped the trash can and took out the sandwich and then took the cigarettes away from him. Then I knocked him down again and took all the money out of his pockets. I was really mad when he threw that sandwich away. Now I never give anything to those guys.
Suit: Yep…

–1 train, Houston St

Overheard by: Amused Minnesotan

Woman on cell: You see, this is why you just can’t be nice to people. I was nice to her once, once! And now she thinks we’re friends. Like I need this!

–Bus stop near Radio City Music Hall

Yuppie on cell: I don’t give a fuck about them. As long as I’m on their will, I don’t really give a shit.

–34th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Gunita

Girl: So my grandma died last week and it sucked so bad, I had to drive all the way to Hartford on Saturday and I totally missed the huge sale at H&M.

–Statue of Liberty

Overheard by: SuziQ

Posted on November 6, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Assholes, Blue-collar workers, Death, Money & Class, On Cell, Suits, Wednesday One-Liners, Yuppies

Wednesday One-Liners Know How to Dicker

Little gangster kid: Yo, the last time I went fishing I got a fishing lure stuck in my dick.

–Prospect Park, Brooklyn

Hobo: Everybody’s somebody on my dick!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Rebecca

Girl, to male co-worker: Can you be a little more subtle and not such a dick-swinger about your Amstel Light?

–Conde Nast Bldg, 57th & 8th

Overheard by: Kenzi

Woman: At least I don’t suck dicks for free!

–Broadway and Putnam, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Tommi

Drunk college student: My redeeming factor is I will suck fucking dick to make money.

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: dank

Guy on cell: Take it like a bowl of dicks.

–14th & 5th

Overheard by: Johnny Bonsanto

Fat guy: So I asked her, and she gave me her number, and then it was disconnected. So I went back the next week, and she wasn’t working there anymore. So I wondered, did she quit her job just to avoid sucking my dick?

–Bleecker & Sullivan

Overheard by: Caroline

Posted on November 5, 2018
BJs, Coworkers, Gangstas, Guys, Hobos, Penis, Prostitutes, Prostitution, Students, Wednesday One-Liners