Tall thug to another: Yo,… I love jail food!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Never had it
Dad to overly excited daughter: Yes, you can tell your mom you went in the bouncy castle in front of the prison.
–Atlantic & Smith
Screaming four-year-old to mom: Are you going to put me in jail?
–Q Train
Young mother to baby, pinching his cheeks: Daddy's in prison! Prisonprisonprisonprisonprison!
–Jackson Heights, Queens
Overheard by: Giving up all hope Newsbunny
Drunk man: You know, garbage trucks are the diamonds of New York. Just… nobody knows they are in the rough.
–Bar, 1st & Houston
Overheard by: Csmith
Drunk, barefoot girl: The streets of New York aren’t that dirty… Right…?
–68th & 2nd
Mom to little kid in middle of sidewalk: Honey, please stand aside. These people are in a hurry — they’re New Yorkers.
–68th & Broadway
Angry woman on cell: New York is just as relaxing as Italy!
–81st & 3rd
Wannabe hipster chick: New York is so overwhelming. Let’s just live off our parents’ money forever!
–Sweet Paradise, Canal & Orchard
Overheard by: zp
Woman: I’m a real Star Trek fan. I particularly like this one guy, a Shakespearean actor — Patrick, uh, Patrick Swayze?
–B train
Loud guy on bike: Will gone up and left! Will Smith! Where’d you go, Will?!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Abram
Suit on cell: I mean, it was maybe the only time I ever wanted to give Mark Wahlberg a blowjob.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Rainey
Blonde on cell, walking dog, and wearing faux fur sweater: Yeah, Animal Fair… Like Vanity Fair, but with animals… It’s coming out soon… It’s going to be intimate — Sharon Stone and Emelio Estevez are going to be there!
–55th St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: francesca
Passerby: Martin Short? Is he still in that?
–Across street from Martin Short: Fame Becomes Me
Overheard by: Jeff of [tos]
Chick drops cocktail glass, breaking it.
Queer: If you didn’t look like Winona Ryder, I’d smack you.
–Ceilo nightclub
Girl to friend: I told him you had fucking mad STDs because he said he wanted to fuck you. (pause) You're welcome!
–Washington Square Park
Suit exiting cab: Yo, make sure you don't give him your number. He's got crabs.
–30th Ave & 30th St, Astoria
Overheard by: OhKellyO
Blonde 20-something on phone: Either the universe just proved there is no god, or he is a motherfucking cunt! (pauses, then in low tone) Because… I think I have herpes.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: close enough to hear the herpes part
Thug to thugette: I didn't have warts on my body till I met you.
–Metro North
Overheard by: baconista
Guy on cell, leaning casually against fire hydrant: Hey, so, I just got my test results back, and… uh… so I got herpes. So… maybe you should get yourself tested. (pause) No, no, no. No. No! Dammit, Jessica, listen, I… fuck. Sorry, Jennifer. No, I–no, I'm sorry, I've just been making this call a lot today. (pause) Hello?
–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Kytt
Husky unshaved guy to younger girlfriend: You mean you never saw Animal House? You're not human!
–Lower West Side
Thug to another: Jabba the Hutt? That's like some Tony Soprano shit, nigga. And the spices? That's drugs. Star Wars drugs!
–13th St & University
Overheard by: Jaimie
Girl to friends: My English teacher said Precious is "whack."
–City Cinemas, E 86th St
Stuffy Bulgarian professor: Do you guys know the film Soul Plane? It's very funny, right?
–NYU
Overheard by: really glad I got up before 9:30 for this
Girl on cell: Yeah, after that movie, I'm gonna think all adopted kids are evil dwarfs with a hormone imbalance.
–Columbus Circle
Urban Tarzan: I grew up in a house of monkeys. My mother was a monkey, my father was a monkey, my brother was a pig.
–Main St, Roosevelt Island
Overheard by: king volcano
Customer on cell: Well, the kids finally found Grandma’s python.
–Dollar Store, Fulton St
Overheard by: fiat lux
Genius: I really can’t stand cats. They’re just furry rats.
–Washington Square Park
Woman: I feel so guilty when the cat catches me masturbating.
–B&J Fabrics, 7th Ave
Overheard by: Shamrock
Young man on cell: Wait. Are you talking about what’s normal for penguins or what’s normal for four-year-olds?
–Elevator, Bellevue Hospital
Overheard by: patient
White teen: Turkeys are mad strong, you know that?
–Bleecker between Lafayette & Broadway
Overheard by: Jon A.
Middle-aged woman on cell: I have to get home to cook spaghetti for my cat.
–3rd Ave, between 53rd & 54th
Hipster on cell: Dude, yeah, coffee gives me the shits too; but I'd rather have the shits than no coffee.
–Dunkin' Donuts
Overheard by: Madalyn
Poet, selling self-published book on train: We're like Starbucks coffee and biscotti; you're tall and hot and I'm hard and nutty.
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: Marc
Little girl to mother: It's like every single person in the whole wide world came to Starbucks and we were the veeeerrrrryyy last ones.
–Starbucks
Colonel Sanders-looking man, in strong Southern accent: I want somethin cold… Whadya git?
–Starbucks
Guy on phone: It's probably something beyond the bestiality in why you didn't get hired.
–4th & Lafayette
Overheard by: andy
Disembodied voice in crowd: Necrophilia, really?
–Times Square
Man: The thing is: my safety word is "No, harder, harder."
–NY Comic Con
Girl: No, seriously, my parents used to have like a harness and a leash for me, because I used to run away in the airport all the time.
–Fordham Law School
Girl to friend: Hot wax and genitals…either very good, or very, very bad.
–1st Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: Will
Guy: Great. She doesn't even know me and already she thinks I have a produce fetish.
–Whole Foods, Chelsea
Overheard by: Hunter (aka,
Comedian guy with flyer: Girl, you have some sexy nostrils!
–Broadway
Gay man to another: Next Halloween I am going to be a sexy tub of lard.
–Broadway & Spring
20-something hot girl on cell: So, like, Kristin was supposed to go as a water-boarding torture victim, which is hilarious, but then, she like, um, shows up as a *sexy* water-boarding torture victim, which is better than being, like, all gross and frumpy. But come on… that's not funny.
–Q Train
Creepy old man: When I was was a kid… Coney Island was hot! I mean "sexy." I mean it was… Bam!
–Neptune Ave
Overheard by: taylor
Girl on cell: It's really not like a sexy stabbing.
–Centre St
20-something dude to another: It's so hard to get laid in this city before 11 pm!
–M-15 Bus
Hottie: I am in New York City. You need to make $250,000 to live like a white person.
–28th & 29th
Overheard by: A black person from Chicago
20-something male to female: So you'd better be prepared. It's like the Times Square of New York.
–16th St & Union Square
Overheard by: Annie B
Middle-aged Hispanic dude to Indian salesperson: This is New York City. Nobody's gonna kill you, okay?
–Rite-Aid
Young gay man: That's what I hate about New York City. It's such a fucking small town.
–14th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: molls
