Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday-One-Liners Are Still Waiting on Reparations

Woman: It’s so rare to see a happy, black couple these days.

–Nunya

Overheard by: Jason

Guy on cell: I want to do, like, a modern blaxploitation kinda thing.

–111th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Conrad

JAP on cell: Yeah, Flava Flav. The show’s called Flava of Love, it’s like The Bachelor for black people.

–J&B Coffee, W 3rd St & McDougal

Overheard by: amused black girl

Ghetto girl: I swear, I feel like motherfuckin’ Harriet Tubman. Shoot.

–Tunnel between F & 1 trains, 14th St

Guy: Hey, you guys like stand-up comedy? Take this flyer. What, you ain’t gonna take it? Is it ’cause I’m black?

–Times Square

Bimbette: I’m not racist, I talked to a black girl in the bathroom today.

–A train

There's a Wednesday One-Liner in My Hair! Get It Out! Get It Out!

Guy: I don't think bees even have vaginas.

–23rd & 3rd

Suit to another: I want him scrutinized. At a gnat's ass level!

–Midtown Office

Middle school thug: I been radioactivatin' spiders in my kitchen.

–C Train

Overheard by: Emily B.

Mother to five-year-old boy: No, you can't buy grandma a plastic spider for Christmas!

–74th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Harriet Vane's Husband

Guy on cell: Hey, did I tell you I got drunk last night and ordered 1,500 ladybugs off the internet?

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ashley

It's Always Sunny in Wednesday One-Liner

Swaying hobo with outstretched arms, as it starts to drizzle: I make it rain, I make it rain, I make it rain on you, hoes!

–14th St & University Place

Conductor over PA, on sunny 50-degree day: Due to inclement weather, the 2 and 3 trains will be running on the local track.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: Ladle

Bag lady: I'm not selling ass, just panhandling. It's too cold.

–9th Ave & 25th St

Really tall dude to no one in particular, very energetically: It's a beautiful day, oh my god! I'm gonna cancel all my appointments and go on a walk!

–2nd & Bedford

Angry stranded guy: And you were all like "it doesn't snow in the city, there are too many cars!"

–Bleecker St

Wednesday Out-Liners

Cop to others, coming out of bodega: I was into fucking rainbows even before the gays.

–Bedford & S 3rd

Overheard by: Rocky

Tall blue-collar guy to short blue-collar guy: So, how did your date with that guy go? Did you get any action?

–Broadway

Guy on cell: I still don't see how being a dude and preferring other dudes sexually makes me gay.

–Q Train

Hipster on cell: This isn't gay, it's revenge!

–Ave C & 7th St

Guy to friends, matter of factly: So apparently he went there for drugs and/or homosexual sex.

–Rockefeller Center

30-something woman to another: Because she's gay, does that mean I need to pay for everything?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Tom Guest

If You Can’t Afford a Wednesday One-Liner, One Will Be Appointed to You

Disillusioned hipster: Jesus Christ, I just don’t have fun at shows like this anymore. I can’t wait to become a corporate attorney.

–LCD Soundsystem show, Studio B, Greenpoint, Brooklyn

Overheard by: deke shearon

Lady suit: So, they made a bong out of a Super Soaker and some bottles. It was all fancy — it had a mask and everything. But they do grow up. He’s a clerk for a judge now.

–29th & Lex

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Old man lawyer: I’m not going to give myself away to some slutty little mortgage company!

–Law firm, Midtown

Smoking hoochie on cell: So I said, ‘Fuck him. Let him get a public defender. We have things to do this weekend!’

–53rd & 5th

The Culture of Wednesday One-liners

Woman on cell: I don’t think people know why they go to museums. They mostly go so they can tell their friends later, “Oh, yeah, I went to the Metropolitan today.”

–West 53rd between 5th & 6th

Suit: Foie gras? You’ve got to be kidding, it’s not even in season! I don’t have the money for that! I just spent $50 on boxers!

–34th & 5th

Dude: I can’t respect a guy who does capoeira.

–University & 14th

Overheard by: Kim

Reporter: She saw a Pauly Shore movie and that made her want to join the Army? Wow!

–Daily News offices, W. 33rd Street

Woman: Remember, you break it you buy it.

–Fine china section, Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: jen wik

Wednesday One-Liners in the Hobosphere

Hobo: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Edwin, but you can call me ‘Homeless Ed’… Or just ‘Homeless’ for short.

–A train

Hobo: Hey, y’all! I ain’t gonna lie to you — I am homeless, and I just want a piece of ass, some drugs, and a 40. Ten bucks for a piece of ass? Someone gonna give me some money for some crack cocaine?

–Line outside Roseland Ballroom, 52nd & Broadway

Hobo to horse leading carriage: Dude, you rock! [Gives horse a peace sign.]

–56th & 10th

Overheard by: PetRunner

Crazy hobo: Well, jumping Jehoshaphats! Some homeless person has abandoned his station! I will assume his identity and no one will ever know that I’m rich!

–3rd Ave, between 34th & 35th St

Overheard by: His secret’s safe with me

Toothless hobo on stoop: Excuse me, sir, could you write me a check for five cents and I’ll pay you back on Tuesday?

–7th & 2nd

Wednesday One-Liner Is Murder

Black man: I can never watch you eat sausage again. It was the most awkwardly erotic thing I've ever seen. It was the perfect combination of food and female.

–Pratt Coffee Shop, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Maryrose

Boy to friend: And then the teacher said: "and that's the history of ham"!

–Queens

Overheard by: alex

Young woman on cell: Well, I would go to Gray's for hot dogs with you, but I can't. I gave up tubed meat for lent.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Caroline

Cute teen girl: It'd be like a floppy bag of meat… (pause) I'm not talking about dick!

–Starbucks

Woman placing drive-thru order: And two junior bacon cheeseburgers. Actually, I don't want the bacon. I don't want to get the swine flu.

–Wendy's Drivethru, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Oh the Pig-manity!

Upset Orthodox Jew mother to baby in stroller: Bacon!? Who told you about bacon!?

–West End & West 100th St

Holy Moses, It’s Wednesday One-Liners!

Professor: So, when we last left the Jews they were suffering. But, then, we can take that for granted.

–Stern Building, NYU

Overheard by: Jayso

Woman to queer: … All the Jews I’ve ever seen have had the most marvelous penises.

–E 4th St & 2nd Ave

Drunk girl looking at Jewish frat boy: Wearing a kippah is like wearing a cage around your penis.

–Frat party, Columbia

Overheard by: I never go to frats bc…..

Long Island girl: Wait… What is Friday Night Lights? Is that a movie about Shabbat?!

–LIRR

Wednesday One-Liners Only a Mother Could Love

Woman to another: I mean, about the thing… he is ugly but at least he get it up!

–Abingdon Square Park

Man to friend: Ugly people aren't people!

–10th St & 5th Ave

Suit: Yeah, I couldn't deal with the paparazzi. I once saw a picture of Katie Holmes with a pimple, and now I think she's the ugliest person I ever saw.

–Governors Island

Overheard by: Natalie

Girl to guy friend: I cannot believe you volunteered me like that! I'm going to start volunteering you to people… unattractive people. Like Leroy*.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Michael O'Connor

Bus driver on packed bus: Okay, everybody, we need to reorganize the bus. Can all the good-looking people move to the back of the bus, and all the ugly-looking people move to the front? Thank you.

–M86 Bus

Overheard by: Michael

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist