It’s All Fun and Games Until Someone Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to friend: So last night I hit myself in the eye with my broom while baking lasagna, drunk.

–Blarney Stone Pub

Suit on cell: Oh man, you should definitely ice and elevate that shit.

–AMC Lowes, 68th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jessica Segal

Man in wheelchair to woman pushing him: Remember when I hit that stroller head on and the kid passed out?

–33rd b/w 7th & 8th

Conductor on speaker: Please bring the first aid kit to car three, please bring the first aid kit to car three, a passenger has a bite.

–Train Leaving Penn Station

Teen to friend: And that’s how I got my penis stuck in a pencil sharpener.

–Stuyvesant High School

Posted on August 20, 2014
Accidents, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Battery Park, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Conductors, Disabilities, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Penn Station, Retards & Handicaps, Stuyvesant, Suits, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Weirdness

She's More Interested in the Facts Than Fox News

Stone cold crazy panhandler lady, entering subway car: That man in the brown jacket, who's gonna tell you not to give me money, he's the JonBenet Ramsey rapist.
Impressed observer, reaching for wallet: That was definitely worth a dollar.
Stone cold crazy panhandler lady, walking on: And then in Carrie, they put the blood on the people and then they jerked off the dog.
Impressed observer: I should have given her two dollars.

–Downtown D Train

Overheard by: stephie

Posted on August 18, 2014
Bag ladies, Blood & bleeding, Man's Best Friend, Masturbation, Money & Class, Movies, On the Subway, Panhandling, Rape, Strangers, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Flunk the Oral

Guy on cell, screaming : Did you or did you not give that guy a blowjob in the parking lot?

–3rd Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: JC

Hot girl talking to hot friend: He said blowjobs are like flowers for guys. Do I get flowers everyday? No! So why should he, right?

–C Train

Screaming bag lady: He asked me to suck his dick. I don't suck dick, I'm homeless.

–125th St

Overheard by: Reilly

Guy on cell: How's her gag reflex? Because that's a great way to make up for stupid.

–5th & 83rd

Overheard by: Kelly

Guy to another: Greg, do you want your cock sucked tonight? Then get in the car! (other guy hastily gets in car)

–The Village

Posted on August 17, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, BJs, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Homeless, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Questions, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Trees and plants, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners for Hezbollah

Officer to old lady: Hey, don't leave you bag on the floor, there are terrorist everywhere.

–45th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: StriderNo9

Suit on cell: So you're gonna vote for a Muslim and a terrorist?

–MoMA

Hipster to friend: Yeah, terrorists totally love Bush.

–46th and 9th

Overheard by: choosing not to capitalize the B

Tourist: Are you guys terrorists?

–Rally for Gaza, 42nd & 7th

Overheard by: ooga booga

Loud black queer teen: But his best joke was like "What do you call people who hate ketchup?" (no response) "Al-Qaeda!" (bursts out laughing) Get it? It's funny because they don't have ketchup in Iraq!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Ketchup lover

Posted on August 17, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Cops, Friends, Hipsters, Iraq, Junk Food & Fast Food, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, MoMA, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Paranoia, President, Queers, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Teens, Terrorism, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Lose Their License

Police car megaphone: Attention: The driver of the minivan is terrible.

–Ludlow & Stanton

Girl on phone: Now, drive safe and don’t drop the soap!

–NYU Kimmel Center, Washington Square South

Young boy: Man, I’m as tired as a used car salesman.

–JFK

Overheard by: DFlan

Man on cell: So, are you saying you crashed the car into the camel or the camel into the car?

–27th & 7th

Tall guy: … And he would not get out of my trunk! And we was on our way to the game! I was like, ‘Son, close that door. Respect the Hyundai!’

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Micaela

Chick: … And I said to him, ‘After this presentation I want to go to the hospital, because I got hit by a car.’ And he said, ‘Oh, yeah? You look kind of skanky. You should go now.’

–Court & Schermerhorn St

JAP on phone: A woman lives in my dashboard! In my car! A woman lives in my dashboard!

–NYU

Posted on August 15, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Cars and Driving, Jobs & Careers, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weirdness

Love Is Nothing Fancy, Sweetie

Girlfriend: And ya know what? Just fuck you, okay? If that’s what you think, fuck you!
(Boyfriend sneezes)
Girlfriend: Bless you.
Boyfriend: Thank you.
Girlfriend: Awwwww… that’s the nicest conversation we’ve ever had!

–Central Park

Posted on August 14, 2014
Boyfriends, Central Park, Compliments, Default, Excretions, Girlfriends, Insults, Weirdness, Words

Show Me the Wednesday One-Liners!

Angry teen on cell: I'm not gonna pay 18 dollars for a wedgie!

–Lingerie Department, Macy's

Overheard by: me neither

Girl on cell: I don't have a problem with camping, but why do they have to give me a sleeping bag? Can't they give me linens? It's not like I'm not giving them an insignificant amount of money.

–W Broadway & Grand

Suit on cell: At first I was only making $30,000 a year, but last year I got shot in the foot, and then I got a $1,000 bonus, so now I'm making $32,000 a year. Shit!

–F Train

Overheard by: Brittany Smith

Loud woman on cell: I like and don't mind fucking you, but I need to get paid. I'm unemployed right now.

–108th & Broadway

Elevator operator for observatory, upon leaving: Please come again! We want your money.

–Empire State Building

Old guy in dark suit to young guy in dark suit: You're not embezzling money!

–48th & 8th

Posted on August 13, 2014
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Customers, Girls, Guys, Harassment, Holidays, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Prostitution, Questions, Sex, Shoot, Soho, Store, Street, Suits, Teens, Thievery, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

178.

Young man: So I told her, “shut the hell up, you fucking bitch!”
Older woman: Jeez, how many times can you be in a homicidal rage over musical theater?

–A Train

Overheard by: Kelly

Posted on August 13, 2014
Anger Management, Insults, Men, Murder, On the Subway, Questions, Theater & Dance, Weirdness, Women

When Did My Geneology Become an LSAT Logic Question?

Teenage boy: You and your twelve moms!
Teenage girl: I only have five!
Teenage boy: I was counting your dads too.
Teenage girl: I only have two of them. That's only seven parents.

–Lower Manhattan

Posted on August 13, 2014
Parents, Street, Teens, Weirdness

I Have No Defense Against High and Malevolent Intelligence

Columbia nerd: I feel weird just knocking on the door and asking if he’s there.
Friend: That’s not weird though?
Columbia nerd: But they’re all hipsters and full of attitude and judgment. Those people intimidate me.

–Columbia University Campus

Overheard by: Mark Hussa

Posted on August 13, 2014
Columbia University, Default, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Fears, Friends, Weirdness

Weirdness

Show Me the Wednesday One-Liners!