Yankee Stadium

We Heart Wednesday One-Liners

Skater boy: I love Jennifer Aniston! I would fuck her and then leave her!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Laura

Grad student: I've been analyzing my love life from a symbolic interactionist perspective…

–Amsterdam Cafe

Overheard by: Ladle

Guy on cell: I love you…(defensively) Yes I do!

–Columbus Circle

Loud guy: You know what? Sometimes you've got to catch a few venereal diseases to find true love.

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Kelsey

Man on cell: Then I thought that if I asked her out she would think that I think that she thinks that I think that she loves me.

–59th St & 8th Ave

Black girl behind the counter (after receiving a few text messages and calls): Why is everyone harassing me today? (sighs) I feel loved.

–Coldstone Creamery

Overheard by: Eli

Bus driver on loudspeaker: This bus is beautiful. We care about one another, we share our experiences, our dreams and aspirations. I love each and every one of y'all. So…that's what this is.

–X30 Bus

Overheard by: i just like him as a friend…

Which Is Exactly What I Look for in a Sword-Swallower

Black man #1: Yo, her mouth was so big it fit my dick and yo' balls in it.
Black Man #2: Oh, word?

–Yankees Stadium

Overheard by: HE said what?!

What Day Do the Wednesday One-Liners Come Out?

Patron: Do these stairs go up?

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Maura

Drunk White Sox fan to passerby: Hey, what time does Times Square close?

–Outside Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: giovanna

Dude at the next table: Is Long Island really an island?

–Peter Luger’s, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Yes, he really just said that

(girl sees poster for Army Wives and turns to friend)
Girl: I don’t get that show. Are they married to army dudes or something?

–C Train

Southern lady: Empire State ReBuilding? Does that mean they’re moving it?

–33rd & 5th

Overheard by: Katie Mainc

Joan Rivers: Can We Wednesday One-Liner?

Suit on cell: So what does he think, he’s going to, like, eat scrambled eggs with these people and then they’ll sit down and talk about it?

–Shore Road, Brooklyn

Yankee fan: So, we was talkin’ to him and we was all like: "Let’s go to a bar!" And he was all like: "I like poetry" so the guys pretty much ditched him, so I was left with ‘im, and had to talk about his feelings and shit. It sucked.

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: I like poetry.

Religious flier nut to friend: We can’t talk about that out here because then they’ll know what we’re about.

–Delancey and Ludlow

Overheard by: Adrienne

Student (shouting): Okay, everyone: I’m doing this whole "day of silence" business so none of you better talk to me! I’m not supposed to say anything and I will be so pissed if anyone of you trick me into talking!

–Millennium High School

Overheard by: I’m staying silent…

Hysterical teenage girl on bus: Well, maybe you should have talked about it before you conceived me!

–M34 Bus

Overheard by: nina

Curly-haired chick on cell: I’m glad I can talk to you about my pubes with such ease.

–Harlem

Overheard by: Nipples McFreaky

You Can’t Choose Your Wednesday One-Liners

Jewish girl: I think my family likes me because I will fulfill my potential to be a pompous ass.

–NYU Bobst Library

Thirty-something Hispanic woman: All my nephews are boys… All of them.

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Suze V

Girl on cell: Well then maybe you shouldn’t have fucked my sister!

–70 & Broadway

Girl on cell: …The half-Asian, half-Jewish guy. And she’s like: "My brother is so pissed at me!" and I’m like: "Of course he’s pissed, you’ve gotten with six of his friends."

–St. John’s University

Overheard by: Peter G

Guy: I’ve seen my sister-in law’s titties so many times…

–Yankee Stadium

Girl on cell: So the little girl at the wedding was like: "Are you guys brothers?" And I was like: "No, we fuck".

–24th St b/w 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Amy

Dog and Pony Shows, However, Can Be Incredibly Nuanced

Yuppie #1: Yeah, I’ve been to a few donkey shows… You know there are different types, right?
Yuppie #2, hesitantly: Um, yeah… I went to one once and pretty much got the point.

–Yankee Stadium

So Joanie’s a Dyke and Henry’s 400 Pounds — That Was Way Too Easy

Woman #1: Oh, my son, Henry, never wears jeans. He thinks they are too itchy.
Woman #2: Well, what does he wear, then?
Woman #1: We can only buy him soft pants.
Woman #2: Oh, well my daughter only wears one-piece bathing suits, but we bought her some bikinis today, and when we got home she said, ‘I’d rather bite off all my toenails than wear those.’

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Chris Storey

Of Course! Honking Causes Movement! I See It So Clearly Now

Guy, about honking nearby: Yeah, that’s gonna get traffic moving. You just have to honk harder. [More honking.] Yeah, that’s the spirit.

–Outside Yankee Stadium

You’re Just Upset because You Had to Pull Out

Angry man pulling out of stadium lot: You’ve got to be nice to people…!
Parking attendant: I am nice. Don’t start this. This is not your lot, this is my lot. I was born in this lot.

–Yankee Stadium parking lot

Overheard by: Lucia

She’s More of a Potsticker Kind of Driver

Small boy pointing to stick shift: What’s that?
Uncle: That’s the stick shift for driving the car.
Small boy: Oh. Does Auntie drive a fish stick ,too?

–Yankee Stadium parking lot

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