Wednesday One-Liners Prefer to Think of It As “Well-Traveled”

Hipster guy to hipster chick: …and he's like, "I didn't come; why is there so much come all over?" And she's like, "Oh, you're number 23." So he's like, "Oh, okay." And he starts pounding away again!

–Bedford & 11th, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Woman, with her mouth about an inch from a guy, about to kiss him: I can't, I already had sex with three guys today.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Derek

Girl to friend: I'm really worried about her. I think she has a serious case of slutism.

–66th & Columbus

Preppy girl on cell: Yeah, so apparently "Happy hour Tuesday" equals "Walk of shame Wednesday." I just wish I could've been working at my job for more than a week before I walked in reeking of shame and spermicide. (pause) Actually, I wish the spermicide thing was true. Then I wouldn't have to drop $50 bucks today on plan B.

–Wall St

Teenage boy on cell: She's still sleeping with my brother. I mean, my brother is sleeping with like ten other girls…but she's in his regular rotation.

–Starbucks, Montague Street

NYU student on cell: But logic doesn't call you back. Logic sleeps with you and leaves in the morning.

–Kimmel Center

Posted on July 22, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Cum, Family Ties, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Hipsters, Hook Ups, Illness, Jobs & Careers, On Cell, Philosophy, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Preppies, Sex, Sloppy Seconds, Starbucks, Students, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women, Words

In the Name Of the Father, the Son, and the Wednesday One-Liner

Husband pushing carriage to wife: You're lucky I'm on my way to church right now, or I'd kill you.

–Upper West Side

Chick on cell: But the real question is, is he Catholic? And an insomniac?

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Poogins

Sequined Australian drag queen: Well, I know an Antichrist religion when I see it.

–2nd St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Alisha

Girl on phone: He told me he was raped by a Catholic priest when he was little, but like I don't believe him.

–Butler Library, Columbia University

Train conductor: 110th Street, Cathedral Parkway. There are churches here, you know.

–1 Train

Man to woman, after getting off cell phone: Ah, that was Nancy–booty call. She says I gotta get over there before she's got to go to church.

–Q Train

Overheard by: spygirl

Posted on July 22, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Booty Call, Christianity, Church, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Conductors, Couples, Directions, Drag queens, Girls, Library, Men, Murder, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Questions, Rape, Religion, Street, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday Fatty-Boombalatty-Liners

Girls looking at pictures: He was mad fat, but he was a good ass baby.

–Uptown A Train

Guy walking through sea of sun bathers: There aren't even that many fat people here… That's good.

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

Guy on cell: You're not skinny fat, no.

–East Village

Guy on cell phone: You mean you're not going to fatso's wedding!

–N Train

Overheard by: wasn't even invited

Female suit: Why the hell does Weight Watchers have so many big fat people working in their offices, anyway? That's so not inspiring!

–40th & Madison Ave

Guy on phone: You mean the really nice one? She got big? What do you mean by big? (pause) Oh. Well, she has an exceptionally beautiful face, man. Do the right thing.

–9th & 15th

Overheard by: Courtney

Posted on July 21, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Babies, Beauty, Central Park, Diet/Weight, Girls, Guys, Height, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Pictures, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Suits, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Are Not in Kansas Anymore

Tourist mom to daughter: This is a train station.

–Lobby of the MetLife building

Tourist on cell: I just humped Timmy in Times Square!

–Times Square

Tourist girl to no one, pointing out window: Oh my god, they actually have carts in New York that sell pretzels?! It’s actually true?!

–Boston-bound Greyhound

Tourist girl to boyfriend: Wow, New York is just like Ohio!

–Fast food corridor, Penn Station

Overheard by: Bean

Tourist to guide: Is it illegal to pick your nose in America?

–79th & 5th

Tourist kid: So, this has nothing to do with batteries?

–Battery Park

Overheard by: Good thing I have an iPhone

Posted on July 20, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Tourism, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners and the People Who Love Them

Marketing girl: Would you like to try a new perfume? It's for you and your pet!

–Bryant Park, Outside Fashion Week Tents

Overheard by: jycho

Girl: I told my mom that I would probably be alone for the rest of my life. Yesterday she sent me an e-mail with a link to petfinder.com.

–Student Center, Barnard

Overheard by: Kristine

Man trying to sell comedy club tickets: Cheaper than an abortion! More entertaining than the crucifixion! More fun than euthanizing your pets!

–50th Ave & Broadway

Overheard by: Colleen

Queer on cell: Well, women are just pets for straight men.

–E 10th St

Woman on cell: So are you going to tell your daughter that you ate her pet?

–20th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Jesse S G

Posted on July 18, 2015
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Wednesday One-liners Think They’re All That

Guy on cell: She goes to school in Pittsburgh. She’s second rate. We go to school in New York. We know who we are.

–Astor Place

Guy on cell: No, no. We only look down on people we’re helping.

–Broadway & Fulton

Wet dude: I should not have to walk in the rain! I am a very important person!

–71st Rd & Queens Blvd, Forest Hills

Posted on July 18, 2015
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Wednesday One-Liners Watch Cribs

Creepster: I’ve always thought babies make the best pets.

–Bronx Zoo

Woman on cell: What the hell is this? E’ry bitch in here got somebody else baby! Black ladies got white babies. White ladies got Chinese babies. Is this Take-somebody-else-baby-to-the-park Day? Shit, I wish somebody woulda took mines!

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Manhattman

Hipster chick, looking at over-sized purse: Oh, I like this bag! You could fit a baby in here! [Lady nearby stares.] Y’know, not that I’d ever put a baby… in a bag… Sheesh.

–Urban Outfitters, 2nd Ave

Lady on cell: I know it’s reasonable to worry about things. but I just think it’s sort of strange that you worry about a shark jumping up and snatching your baby while you’re driving over a bridge! [Long pause] Well, did you ever think of rolling up the windows?

–Union Square

Blonde on cell: So, my friend took me to this vegan barbecue this weekend. Fucking bullshit. I had to go home and eat a baby just to feel normal again.

–59th & 5th

Posted on July 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Cars and Driving, Food, Race, Vegetarian & Vegan, We Love Our Pets, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Can You Hear Wednesday One-Liners Now?

Judge to room packed with prospective jurors: I am going to give you a number to call in case of an emergency. You should copy this down. The number is 917-480… (pause) Oh shit! (mic becomes muffled). Um, sorry. That was my cell phone number.

–Supreme Court Building

Woman on cell: Our codependent lewdity shall rage on, Verizon! Take that!

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: McF

Hipsterette to another: Well, you shouldn't have to sleep with someone to find out if he's going to call you back.

–Coffee Shop, Park Slope

Overheard by: TheGreenCat

Conductor: There is a C train just across the platform. For those of you who have a sudden urge for a change of plans and wish to abandon your plans to go to Park Slope tonight, you can hop off here and take the C to East New York. I hope you have a phone to call your family, you won't be home for dinner!

–F Train

Overheard by: Staying on the F

Girl in bathroom stall on cell: Okay, my phone is dying, I will call you later. (pause) Call you from a payphone? I don't know how to use one of those.

–School, Lower Manhattan

Well-dressed woman walking tiny dog, yelling into cell: You know what, John? You can e-mail, don't even call me. I don't want you on my phone. (pause) Hello?

–Columbus Circle

Posted on July 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cell Phone, Columbia University, Conductors, Directions, Family Ties, Girls, Hipsters, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Internet, Lawsuits, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Passengers, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Wednesday How Many Liners?

Cute guy to German flight attendant on layover: So, do you have cars in Germany?

–Barracuda

Overheard by: barkeeper

Girl: So, my mom is Jewish and my dad is Christian. Does that make me, like, bi-racial?

–Eugene Lang College

Overheard by: Still ashamed I go to school here

Hispanic high school girl: Is the Fourth of July always on a Friday?

–N Train

Overheard by: D-Law

Guy to friend: Well, that's nice, they have these machines set up for the visually impaired, but what about the deaf people?

–ATM, 38th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: jennyooooo

Student: Is Swedish even a language?

–Columbia University

Trucker: What are you, stupid, or both?

–M86 Crosstown Bus

Posted on July 17, 2015
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Wednesday Will Go Nazarene on Your One-Liners

Black woman: Sixteen dollars? That paper better be made out of Jesus's ass.

–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Emily B.

40-something to friends: And what's going on with the fucking baby Jesus over there?

–Starbucks

Guy on cell: In my class, we were talking about how Jesus was a Viking warrior.

–Queens College

Woman, about Matt Lauer and Katie Couric: See, this is why Jesus Christ and the Pharisees didn't get along.

–22nd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Rachel Peters

Woman on phone on the night before Easter: No, I do not want you at my house right now. (pause) I'm going home to watch The Ten Commandments and read my bible–Jesus is coming back tomorrow!

–B44 Bus

Overheard by: Micah

Drunk high school girl: If Jesus had discovered a cure for dry mouth, he'd be a lot more popular!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Smudge

Posted on July 16, 2015
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All Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday Fatty-Boombalatty-Liners