Wednesday One-Liners Took “For Poorer” Out of Their Vows

Gold digger to friend: Yeah, I’m done with doctors. I want an architect.

–E 80th St

Overheard by: hannah g

Annoyed JAP: So, he told me that I would date my way out of the Upper East Side.

–Ladies’ room, Johnny’s Uptown

Overheard by: Grover

Patient to receptionist: She no-showed on me, too, but I didn’t like her anyway because she has Alzheimer’s, and she’s a gold digger.

–Dentist’s office

JAP: I mean, I was raised never thinking I would ever have to take care of myself.

–Penn Station

Chick: I mean, he’s, like, a little unstable. He just seems a little wired, but he works for a hedge fund, so…

–77th & 3rd

Posted on July 1, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Money & Class, Pickiness, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Sit Shiva

50-something suit: In many ways I enjoyed his funeral reception more than his wedding reception.

–PATH

Overheard by: Joe H.

Girl on cell: He died. They found his body. I don't know, somewhere in the Bronx. He was strangled or some shit. Yeah, he died from it. Oh shit, that's why I forgot to send you the invitation for the whatchacallit, the funeral.

–Rivington & Attorney

Overheard by: I wasn't invited either

Gay guy to friend: So I told John I would go to his funeral just to spit in his face!

–West Bank Cafe

60-something woman to another: So I'm glad I didn't go to his fucking bitch sister's funeral. But now he's mad.

–Central Park

20-something guy on cell: Just 'cause I did meth with his daughter doesn't mean I'm going to go to his funeral!

–7th Ave Subway Entrance

Posted on June 30, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Death, Drugs, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Queer guys, Restaurants & Cafes, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Violence, Weirdness, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Are the Idols of Millions of Suburban White Boys

Thug to friends: Look, whatever, but I have never found myself with a girl who has no face.

–Columbia University

Thug: Yo, I got a huge blunt in my pocket… Oh, wait, that’s my inhaler.

–Q train

Overheard by: djingo

Thug: Fuck that. Fuck that, nigga! If Bill Gates offered me 20 billion dollars to suck his cock, I’d swallow. Fuck.

–Brooklyn College

Overheard by: I would, too.

Thug athlete, after soccer game: You always be playin’ that shit. You play that shit here, you play that shit in basketball, you play that shit in choir…

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: this guy

Thug on cell: I don’t know where I was, but they’s Germans everywhere in this hood! They on my left, right. Damn! [Looks around anxiously] Now I know how Patton felt, son!

–14th & Driggs

Teen thug to friend: Yo, man, have you looked at a map of Manhattan? Know what that shit looks like?!

–W 79th

Overheard by: Nikki W.

Posted on June 30, 2015
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Dating, History & Geography, Money & Class, Stupidity, Thugs, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed

Wednesday One-Liners Just Need to Walk It Off

Large bald man on Bluetooth: He got a fuckin' boo boo, that's all!

–Gramercy

Suit on cell: So, I haven't been electrocuted…yet.

–L Train

Elderly woman: I regret that she broke her arm. I do not regret pushing her down the stairs.

–E Train

Overheard by: Pat

Little boy: I hope the boo-boo goes away soon! My staple won't hold that long!

–23rd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Say what?

Guy on train to friend: Hey, would you still date a girl if she was in an industrial accident and had to wear a Darth Vader suit forever?

–6 Train

Posted on June 29, 2015
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Clothing, Crime and Punishment, Dating, Fat People, Friends, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Kids, Men, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Suits, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

These Wednesday One-Liners Will Self-Destruct in Five Seconds

Southern tourist: … And, like, we all came all the way to the city, and there’s a bomb threat? I mean, we even made reservations!

–78th & Broadway

Guy to chick: Take Albert Einstein, for instance. He was a small guy, and he built the atomic bomb… And he nuked Japan with it.

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: Chelsea

Mom to child as he fashions a bomb out of clay: Tyler, this is a non-violent birthday party!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Wondering what a violent one is like

Substitute chemistry teacher: Okay, let’s get a little sex appeal in here… Who knows how to make a hydrogen bomb?

–Stuyvesant High

Morally outraged thugette: He mess with the wrooong girl! I will blow this whole train up!

–G train

Overheard by: sarah

Professor: … And in next week’s class — how to build a nuclear bomb!

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Sromeo

Posted on June 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday Vaginers

Enthusiastic 20-something: Oh, is that ciabatta? Yummy! Whenever I see ciabatta, my pussy starts to swell!

–Broadway & 13th

Random passerby: He wants a vagina. In and around his mouth.

–The Village

Cute NYU blonde: He won't like, touch my vagina with his hands. That means he's gay, right?

–Mercury Lounge, LES

Drunk Latina to drunk white girl whose boyfriend stepped out to get a paper bag: Girl, just tell him to take you home. Tell him you want to sleep tonight. Tell him your pussy is closed!

–McDonald's, 14th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: ehka

Girl in gym: Everything on my body is flaccid, except my vagina.

–Fordham Gym

Posted on June 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drunks, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gyms, Home, Sweet Home, Latinos, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Sorority Girls, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires

Caution: Wednesday One-Liners at Work

Hardhat: Walk in the walkway, people! It’s much safer! Watch out for the cabs! They hurt!

–Broadway & Fulton

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Chunky Mexican hardhat: I might not have a million dollars, but I got a big fat dick to put in her ass.

–St. Patrick’s Cathedral

Hardhat: Awright, look — after lunch, I’ll get you a grinder, and then we’re having a three-way, okay?

–Barnard College

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Hardhat on cell: So, when you say you want to cheat, do you mean a one-time thing, or is this something you plan on doing again and again?

–14th St, between 6th & 7th Ave

Hardhat to another: Bitch, please! I asked for a pink soda! I’m not going to drink this shit!

–10th & 3rd

Overheard by: Veronika LaRocque

Posted on June 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Construction Guys, Gripes, Sex, Wednesday One-Liners

Ew, Who Wednesday One-Linered?

Elderly janitor, watching pierced teenagers get in line: I'm gonna fart on one of these people.

–Broadway & Houston

Angry man on cell: They think they're so perfect, but I bet they piss and burp and fart like the rest of us.

–80th St & 34th Ave

Hobo: Can you spare some change? I need to buy some new underwear, I farted and shat in these.

–83rd St & Broadway

Overheard by: new girl in town

Tiny brunette: Have you ever had to pee so bad, and suddenly you fart and then you don't have to pee that badly anymore?

–7 Train

Young woman to friend: Yeah, and then she started fartin' a bunch. But she was farting out of her pussy. And Ashley got pissed, cause then, she started makin' a beat out of it.

–125th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Stephen

Posted on June 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Cleanliness, Clerks, Clothing, Farting & Burping, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Pee, Physical appearance, Poop, Queens, Questions, Teens, The Village, Threats, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Even a Penny for Wednesday One-liners

Hobo: Anybody help me feed my stomach? No? I hope all you get home safe. And don’t burn your house down. And don’t smoke no crack.

–6 train

Overheard by: P. Von Kant

Hobo: I said I was hungry. Hungry. I can’t eat this bird-food shit! Why’d you give me this?

–9th St. & 2nd Ave

Hobo: Wanna see the real Zoo York? Bend over and I’ll show ya.

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Dan Arcuri

Posted on June 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Fire, Food, Hard Drugs, Hobos, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Get a Hoboner

Hobo: I am homeless and ashy. Can anyone spare some lotion? I want to go from ashy to classy.

–A Train

Overheard by: SBroto

Hobo: If looks could kill I'd be dead. Kind words don't hurt nobody. I give sandwiches.

–Shuttle to Grand Central

Overheard by: alan b hutscar

Panhandler, holding top hat overflowing with bills: And take your newspapers and personal belongings with you, I got company comin' over tonight!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Anthony LoDuca

Hobo: You think anyone ever went to Harvard and forgot about it?

–Central Park

Hobo, near no tripping hazards or holes: Watch your step! Don't fall! Look where you're going! Don't fall down!

–4th & Broadway

Singing hobo: I'm gonna be on Broadway! You're all invited! I don't care what you look like. Even you! (points to random man)

–1 Train

Posted on June 27, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Broadway Shows, Central Park, Crazy, Death, Food, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Parks, Physical appearance, Questions, School and studying, Singing, Strangers, Street, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

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