And How Do Wednesday One-Liners Make You Feel?

Mother, to crying four-year-old trying to grasp her hand: If you don’t stop this behavior you are going to have to see a psychiatrist. [Child keeps at tantrum] This behavior is excessive and abnormal, and I don’t have the patience for it.

–Washington G Station

Stern bimbette: No. My fave dead therapist said that I need to make sure that I surround myself with people who are nice to waiters and their moms.

–Court Street & Joralemon, Brooklyn

NYU chick, calmly: So then I just had a teeny little breakdown!

–West 4th St

Woman on cell: So where are you? [pause] Is that "Therapy" the bar or therapy therapy?

–Manhattan Plaza Gym, 43rd St

Girl on cell: Don’t you think I’m a psycho? [pauses, laughs] Why not?

–Bedford and North 7th

20-something homo: Scientology is just like therapy except without the stigma of therapy.

–52nd & 9th

Overheard by: Trey Givens

Posted on May 21, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Gyms, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, Parents, Psychology, Queer guys, Questions, Religion, Should've Used a Condom, Street, Students, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Threats, Weirdness, Women

We’re Bringin’ Wednesday One-Liners Back

African tourist: All New Yorkers are sexy! That’s why I love this city. Everywhere I go, sexy. The cops, the people…

–Broadway & Chambers St.

Metro newspaper guy: Hey sexy man, take a metro and be a lot sexier!

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Dora Watson

Loud freshman boy, entering cafeteria with more freshmen: And she pinched my nipple, but it was sexy!

–Edward R. Murrow High School

Overheard by: Kris S.

Student commenting on a painting of Mary and Jesus by Raphael: In this painting Mary has a little more of a…I don’t know, sexual aura. Her face is more narrow, I can kind of see her breast. She has her leg bent in a sexy way kind of like saying "I’m not a virgin anymore".

–Columbia University Art Humanities Class

Overheard by: Going to Hell

Skanky mom to three-year-old son: Hey sexy!

–Central Park

Overheard by: riana

Businesswoman to another: Who’s your sexy hoe?

–33rd St & Park

Tween girl with science textbook: You don’t understand cloning? Okay, let me tell you about it. It’s sexy as hell… [later] I stayed after class to get him to teach me about meiosis and it was really hot. I got so horny!

–F Train

Posted on May 21, 2008
Advice, Africans, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Central Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Cops, Education, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Guys, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nipples, On the Subway, Questions, Science, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality, Students, Suits, Tourism, Tourists, Tweens, Visual Art, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women, Words

A Thousand Pardons, Your Ladyship

English teacher: So, have you ever gone with your class to The Met?
Bimbette art student: I don’t do things.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: traPt (ashamed to be an art student)

Posted on May 2, 2008
Bimbettes, College, Default, Education, Questions, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness

In Our Experience, It’s the Length of the Fingers in Relation to the Palm.

Party girl #1: My hands have always been the biggest of the group.
Party girl #2: Yea… So?
Party girl #1: If I had a wiener it would be huge.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Rich

Posted on May 1, 2008
Bimbettes, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Girls, On the Subway, Penis, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Are in Dire Need of a Glade Plug-In

Drunk, angry Puerto Rican girl to boyfriend: You had to make me smell like fuckin’ Chinese food on new year’s eve!

–Grand St & Graham Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: someone who happily had a different New Year’s date, and wonders whether there is a Designer Imposters version of such a scent.

Disgusted McDonald’s patron: This shit smells worse than a hobo’s taint!

–14 & Broadway

Overheard by: Shemp

Man, entering subway car: Son, it smells like home depot in here.

–4 Train

Drunk sorostitute on cell: It smelled fine. It was just a febreeze gone awry!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Queer: I can’t wait to move out of this decrepit office building. A couple of days ago a mouse died in the walls -you remember what that smells like. The guys in the office said: "Maybe it’ll go away after a week," but I told them it’s just going to get worse, so now they want to bring in some awful air freshener thing. Someone is already spraying that stuff in the men’s room, and it’s got a nasty artificial orange scent, so it smells like someone shat on a fruit basket.

–28th & Park

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Girl with a huge ugly weave: I smell fried chicken! [Pauses.] … Oh, it’s prolly me. [Keeps walking.]

–Library, Washington Irving High School

Posted on April 30, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bimbettes, Brooklyn, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Death, Drunks, Ethnic Food, Fruit, Girls, Gripes, Holidays, Homeless, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Junk Food & Fast Food, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Puerto Ricans, Queer guys, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Sorority Girls, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

And a Decent Thesis Advisor

Bimbette #1: He’s hot.
Bimbette #2: I think he’s gross.
Bimbette #1: Why do you think he’s gross?
Bimbette #2: Well, he tosses salads. I personally think that’s gross. But he’s overall a cool guy.

–11th & University

Posted on April 26, 2008
Bimbettes, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Food, Sexuality, The Village

Did I Get the Job, at Least?

Chick: My tongue was in somebody’s ass? Whose ass?
Dude: I dunno. That’s just what they said…

–92nd & 3rd, Brooklyn

Overheard by: BillyBlog

Posted on April 20, 2008
Ass, Bimbettes, Brooklyn, Default, Girls, Guys, Licking, Promiscuity, Questions

Now Are Those Lampposts or Trees?

Blonde Swedish bimbette in very light drizzle: Where’s that water coming from?!
Friend: It’s the man with a bucket in the sky…
Blonde Swedish bimbette: Oh, I thought it was sewer water or something.

–Houston & 2nd

Overheard by: In tribute

Posted on April 12, 2008
Bimbettes, Default, Foreigners, Friends, Questions, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Weather, Weirdness

Isn’t That, Like, Lesbionic?

Bimbette from Staten Island #1: If you got a sex change then you could play with yourself.
Bimbette from Staten Island #2: I can already do that.
Bimbette from Staten Island #1: Really, how?

–Wagner College

Overheard by: thrilled to be going to the same school

Posted on April 11, 2008
Bimbettes, College, Masturbation, Questions, Sexuality, Staten Island, Stupidity

Why Is It “Obvious” That He Was Wearing Pants?

Girl #1: I got completely wasted last night. I woke up outside my friend’s bathroom with my pants off, credit cards all over the floor. But here’s the thing -my top was on.
Girl #2: WTF?… What did you do?
Girl #1: I’m not sure…I don’t really remember. The last thing I remember is rubbing my face in some guy’s crotch with people in the room. Oh, he had his pants on, obviously.
Girl #2: You’re such a slut.
Girl #1: I know right. Anyway, my friend woke me up, telling me that I was going to miss the fung wah.
Girl #2, puzzled: Where were you going?
Girl #1: Boston.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: I’m really not sure.

–C Train

Overheard by: Noah Tizzle

Posted on April 8, 2008
Bimbettes, Celebrations/Parties, Clothing, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Nudity, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Sex, Travel, U.S. Geography

Bimbettes