Wednesday One-Liners Just Do It

20-something on cell: So yeah, I hit a new low. So you know how I had sex with Dan, Steve and Dave? Well, I totally just handled my friend from work who is married and we did it in his daughter's bed. If that doesnt say I'm crazy, I dont know what does? (pause) Are you kidding me? His wife never gives it up, that man busted four times in a matter of minutes.
(pause). Well, that's now four men this week who said I have the best pussy they've had.

–159th & Broadway

Overheard by: morgan

Girl: She was fucking everybody in this city–and no one even liked her!

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: bRonwyn

20-something man to girlfriend: You're a grown woman! I can't help it if you're a whore!

–7 Train

Overheard by: becky z-dub

Girl on cell: Wait, so you and Skylar are dating now? Ahh, so exciting! (pause) No, you didn't already tell me. You said that you woke up next to him. Since when does that mean you're dating someone?

–Bedford & 8th

20-something blonde on phone: All those people who laugh and snigger at you only do it because they too have experienced the walk of shame.

–Christopher & Bleecker

Man on phone: I can't be constantly wondering who you're sleeping with! I tell you, I'm tired, I'm old, and I can't do what I'm supposed to do. I'm a good 60, but I ain't good enough to be waking up everyday and chasing you around!

–Coffee shop, Crown Heights

Overheard by: Eric

Hipster on cell: I don't see what's so wrong with going up to someone on the street and saying, "hey, what's up? Let's fuck!" I do it all the time!

–Great Hall, Cooper Union

Overheard by: NYUTSOA12

Posted on November 5, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Brooklyn, Compliments, Dating, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Infidelity, Laughter, Men, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, One Night Stand, One-liners, Pick-up Lines, Promiscuity, Questions, Sex, Soho, Store, Street, Three is Company, Vagina, Weirdness, West Village

Wednesday Ugliners

Employee: I was eatin' with my fried Okra and I vomited all over your fetus…and that's why you're so ugly.

–The Strand Bookstore

Overheard by: Dazzle

Girl on cell: Oh, please! That bitch is ugly and her cooch probably smells too, he can have her! Because I don't need him or his greasy ass head or pencil dick. (pause) What? Oh, fuck you also! (hangs up and storms off)

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Rich

Serious gay black man on phone: Oh, please honey…there are just so many ugly white women in Europe…it's got to be something in the water!

–45th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Culturally Challenged

20-something guy on cell: She ain't the prettiest bitch, but she got these crazy little hands.

–Throop & Macon, Bedford-Stuyvesant

Overheard by: elephantgiraffe

Hipster girl: I have ugly friends. I just don't hang out with them on weekends.

–McCarren Park Pool

Overheard by: I don't hang out with ugly people

Attractive tween to friends: And then Lindsay's aunt came into the bathroom to comfort us and said, "pretty people always get blamed for things ugly people do."

–W 65th St. & Columbus Ave

Posted on October 29, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Beauty, Bimbettes, Biotechs, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Crazies, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Idiots, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queer guys, Race, Sensory Experiences, Store, Street, Stupidity, Stuyvesant Town, The Village, Travel, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Vomit, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Looking for a Date, Wednesday One-Liners?

White guy to friend: Do they eat Thai hookers? I'd eat a Thai hooker.

–47th & Lexington

30-something pudgy guy: So this girl was eyeing me the whole night, and it turns out she was a prostitute! And I was like, "Man! I thought she really liked me!"

–Bleecker St & 6th Ave

Girl in tight purple dress and too much makeup, shouting to friend: I am not a prostitute. I'm a ho!

–Phone Booth, Coney Island

Overheard by: not going there

Mom to son: I'm not a two-dollar hooker! More like a…hundred thousand dollar one.

–Park Ave

Elderly man to another: You just can't run a country like a whorehouse.

–12th St & Ave A

Girl on cell: You stole my secret prostitute name!

–7th Ave & LeRoy St

Posted on October 22, 2008
Alphabet City, Bimbettes, Compare/Contrast, Coney Island, Ethnic Food, Families, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, Names, Old People, On Cell, Politics, Prostitution, Questions, The Village, Thievery, Weirdness, White People

He Says I Always Smell Skanktastic

Chick #1: It smells like bathroom deodorizer in here.
Chick #2: I was spraying so much cheap perfume on my crotch today that my roommate finally came in and told me to stop. I was so nervous because I'm meeting my ex-boyfriend later, and the cheap stuff doesn't last long.

–Bedford Ave

Overheard by: akesmith

Posted on October 20, 2008
Bimbettes, Brooklyn, Hook Ups, Sensory Experiences, Vagina

Mellow Yellow Wednesday One-Liners

Latina: I don't care what a guy says, I'm not gonna let him piss on me.

–Vesey Street & Broadway

Overheard by: Sam

Giggling four-year-old boy: Yeah, and there was a sign and it said, "Caution: someone peed here!"

–Waverly & W 11th

Bimbo: And he was like, "Sarah, you pissed the bed" and I was like, "Whaaaaat?" and he was like, "Sarah, get up, you pissed the fucking bed!"

–Theater District

Overheard by: Paul

Girl on cell: Alright, fine, but if you pee on me again, we're done!

–C Train

Overheard by: Laura

Guy, in disbelief: You mean you've never been pissed on before?!

–14th & Broadway

Overheard by: Josh

Girl: Would it be considered indecent exposure if I peed in the sink?

–Lyceum Theatre

Girl to friend: Her?! She totally splashes her urine.

–34th & 8th

Overheard by: Ellen

Posted on August 6, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Boys, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friends, Girls, Guys, Kids, Kink, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Pee, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, West Village

She Quickly Became the Most Popular Children’s Birthday Clown on the East Coast

Bimbette #1: No, but according to her I can shit cupcakes.
Bimbette #2: Ohhhh. (long pause) You never know when that’ll come in handy.

–76th & 1st

Overheard by: thewallpaperblonde

Posted on July 8, 2008
Bimbettes, Default, Food, Poop, Upper East Side, Weirdness

“Urban” Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo: Man, if you wanna get into heaven, you gotta talk to black people. They know where they at. Can’t get into heaven if you don’t talk to black people.

–Statue of Liberty

Bimbette on cell: So she is like pregnant? Like she is gonna have a baby? Hey, whatever happened to that black family?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Bigg Rigg

NYU grad student: Bill Clinton isn’t black to me anymore.

–NYU

Black couple to group of white people: We’re black! We’re invisible!

–W 4th St

Overheard by: mada

White grandpa to white granddaughter in playground: Black kids have so much fun!

–Union Square Park

Posted on June 18, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Bimbettes, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Hobos, Kids, NYU, Old People, On Cell, Penn Station, Politics, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Race, Statue of Liberty, Students, Washington Square Park, West Village, White People

“Let’s Get Ready to Wednesday One-Liiiiiiiner!”

Bimbette: So yesterday he called me to tell me that he’s going to beat my ass, and then he calls me today to ask if he can use my CD player.

–Staten Island Mall

Overheard by: Robert

Seven-year-old girl: She better watch herself before I pimp slap her.

–Amsterdam Projects

Girl, to rest of her punk skater group: But I be like: "Bitch, I don’t skate… I just beat bitches with it."

–Astor Place & Broadway

Overheard by: Jynx

Lady on cell: Is someone else going to smack you?

–1 Train

Overheard by: Krisztina

Man on cell: What… You flubbed what? Listen dude, I’m in midtown, but it’s too far a cab ride to come beat a grown man’s ass.

–W Hotel, 49th & Lex

Overheard by: Miami Hitman

Bus driver to angry man: You want a piece of this? There are 26 places on the body that can kill you instantly. I can hit 4 in one shot. You wanna dance?!

–M16 Bus

Overheard by: nora!