All You Need Is Wednesday One-Liner

Announcer guy: Hey girl, I love your face. And Charmin loves the other end!

–Charmin NYC Restrooms, Times Square

Overheard by: Nathan

Drunk boyfriend: Thanksgiving is over, and so is our love!

–Grand & Leonard, Williamsburg

Overheard by: fanny

Subway busker, about next song: This is not a love song. The reason that this is not a love song is because I don't like her anymore.

–Time Square

Philosophy professor on last day of class: If you love something, set it free. And if it flies away, run after it and kill it.

–City College

Overheard by: Dan Lurie

20-something guy to friend sharing iPod with him: I would do anything to live there…I would pretend to be in love.

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: dallas

Woman on cell: I will skin and tar you. (pause) Oh, I love you!

–W Broadway & W 3rd St

Posted on March 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Celebrations/Parties, City College, Drunks, Friends, Guys, Lies, Love, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, Poop, Singing, Street, Students, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Threats, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

Raise Your Hand If You're Right There with Him

Conductor at Jamaica station: There is an express train to Babylon across the platform. It will get to Babylon nine minutes earlier than this train. I strongly recommend you take that train. In fact, I implore you to.
Drunk passenger: Wait…does this train still go to Babylon?
Sober passenger: Yes, just slower.
Drunk passenger: Then I ain't walking across no platform.

–LIRR

Overheard by: The WC

Posted on March 1, 2009
Conductors, Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Passengers, Public Transportation, Time, Trains Not Subway

Like They Did With The Da Vinci Code?

Drunk girl at a party #1 (in a high-pitched “baby Jesus” voice): I want frankincense now! I want frankincense and myrrh right now! Why mama put me in the hay? I wanna bed! Why my momma can't have no house! I want frankincense!
Drunk girl at a party #2: The Catholic church is going to kick you in the face!

–Astoria

Posted on March 1, 2009
Astoria, Christianity, Church, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Kick, Trees and plants, Wishes & desires

Another Successful Workday for Pedro

Drunk sorority girl #1: My feet hurt.
Creepy hobo: Do you need someone to rub 'em for you, baby?
Drunk sorority girl #2: Violated! Violated!

–Bleecker & McDougal

Posted on February 28, 2009
Body Parts, Creepsters, Drunks, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Offers and requests, Rape, Sorority Girls, The Village, Weirdness

Remember How He'd Periodically Check to See If I Was Breathing? That Little Imp!

Girl to skinny ditzy drunk girl: Remember my friend Mark?
Drunk skinny ditz: Mark who?
Girl: You know, Mark. He called you emaciated?
Drunk skinny ditz: Oh yeah! I fucking love Mark!

–Union Pool

Overheard by: Wally

Posted on February 24, 2009
Brooklyn, Drunks, Friendship, Girls, Insults, Names, Skinny People, Weirdness

Wednesday Would Hit These One-Liners in a Heartbeat

Random guy to everyone nearby: Yes, you are sexier than Conor Oberst–all of you.

–McCarren Park

Overheard by: Chris K

Beer guy: I got sexy beer for sexy people! Beer so cold it talks back to you! If you don't drink beer, you die!

–Brighton Beach

Overheard by: Damn, I'd better by a beer…

Little boy in preppy school uniform to Asian teenage girl: Mmmmmmm…I like sexy girls. I like them a loooot. (takes out imaginary cell phone) Mmmm, mmhmm…I'd like that. Ohhh.

–M1 Bus

Hobo to guy carrying mirror: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the sssssexiest of 'em all?

–13th & 5th

Freshman to group of friends: Yo, when Jack* first got his hair cut it looked mad weird, but now it looks mad sexy, no homo. It kind of looks like the Jonas Brothers.

–Bard High School Early College

Columbia girl: She was sexy, but she shouldn't have done that. That's so Adam Smith.

–1 train

Overheard by: EthanK

Posted on February 11, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Boys, Brooklyn, Cell Phone, College, Compare/Contrast, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Hair, Hobos, Horny, Music, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Preppies, Sex, Sorority Girls, Street, Students, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Can You Get Wednesday One-Liners from a Toilet Seat?

Girl swimming in the Hudson River: I'm afraid if I take a pee, I'll get a venereal disease!

–Hudson River & 26th St

Overheard by: Nellie

(student #1 loudly hacks up a lung, while everyone else turns around in horror)
Student #2: Whoa, what do you have, chlamydia or something?

–11th Grade English Classroom, Bushwick

Overheard by: The Teacher

Angry drunk man to bemused drunk woman: I don't wanna fuck you, okay? I'm just saying I don't have genital warts!

–Ave A & Houston

Groaning guy on corner: I really don't want crabs…

–53rd & 6th

20-something woman: Everybody has issues. They're like herpes one.

–St. Mark's

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Posted on February 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Brooklyn, Classroom, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Fears, Girls, Guys, Hudson River, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Pee, Questions, Sex, STDs, Street, Students, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

A Brief History Of Wednesday One-Liners

Suit: The ancients left records all over the place. Look at the pyramids, dickhead.

–83rd & Amsterdam

Overheard by: EthanK

Drunk guy, as '80s song plays on jukebox: '80s music was so inspirational, cuz they knew Reaganomics wasn't gonna work. '90s, we were in a boom so it was like, "don't forget how bad things are!" Now music just sucks, cuz everything sucks.

–The Punch Bowl, 238th & Broadway, The Bronx

Overheard by: Kyle Crocodile

Preppy blond guy: Wow, I didn't realize The Great Depression was so bad!

–Columbia Law School

Drunk hobo yelling at sidewalk: Fuck those guys! They can't fire me! They need me! What the fuck? I built those temples, goddamnit! Those Mayans need me! I'm the only one who built those temples!

–23rd b/w 4th & 5th

Wisdom-sharing mother of two: Well, of course socks were invented first! Soccer was invented before shoes and they wore socks to play it! Why do you think it's called soccer? They were wearing socks long before they were wearing shoes.

–Restaurant, Columbus Ave

Girl: Wait! George Washington is Johnny Appleseed, right?

–Stuyvesant High School

Posted on February 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crazy, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Guys, History & Geography, Hobos, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, One-liners, Politics, Preppies, Questions, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Shoes, Sports, Street, Stupidity, Stuyvesant, Suits, The Bronx, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Keep Showing Up on Your Stoop

Woman: In Central Park right now, the Mormons are in full bloom!

–Bandshell, Central Park

Overheard by: Mojosaves

Chick to boyfriend: I could really use some Viagra, maybe I can get some from my grandpa. (pause) Wait, never mind, he's Mormon.

–17th St & 5th Ave

Girl: What do the Mormons have against gay people? Is it because the gays dress better? I mean, Mormons only like to wear white shirts and black pants.

–Uptown A Train

Deliriously drunk woman: I was Mormon!

–Times Square

Posted on February 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Central Park, Clothing, Colors, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, Questions, Religion, Sex, Street, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Drunks