Hipsters

Wednesday One-Liners for the Fine Young Cannibals

Hipster: Everyone I know is either married, divorced, gay or crazy.

–37th St, Astoria

Overheard by: Matthias Sundberg

Karaoke panhandler singing Gnarls Barkley: "Does that make me craaaaazy? Maybe I'm craaaaaazy!" It's Memorial Day and I'm sitting here singing to people I never met before in my life. Mmmmmm…craaaazy!

–Times Square Subway Station

Black woman to janitor companion: I am so glad I live in the ghetto. These motherfuckers down here are crazy! (companion nods) And I live in the ghe-tto, 2 train ghetto.

–22nd St & 5th Ave

Hobo, watching man and woman having sex against a statue: I think I'm going to have to move to Europe or something. This place is getting too crazy.

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Westsider

30-something guy on cell: Well, that's what my crazy sister said about my more crazy sister.

–Broadway & 114th St

Overheard by: mary e.

Little boy in abandoned shopping cart: I've gotta get off this crazy train!

–Target, Atlantic Ave

Hence the Metal Panties.

Drunk hipster girl: If I was to drop dead in the middle of that party, all those frat boys would fuck my corpse.
Friend: Word.

–78th & Madison

It’s Not You, It’s Wednesday One-Liners

Guy to friends: They broke up… He was only in the relationship for the free Nike gear anyway.

–Stone St.

Overheard by: Jen

Hipster dude: So Jane* is coming to the studio tonight to do some recording. Should I have her do it and then break up with her, or break up with her first and then have her do it?

–F Train

Overheard by: dianora

13-year-old girl on cell: What? You broke up with him? That’s so cruel! Um, can I date him?

–Thompson Street, The Village

Excited teen girl: This would be a great place to break up with some people!

–8th St Park

Girl on cell: They broke up? I always thought that them breaking up was like a joke, like saying you don’t like Brussels sprouts when you secretly do, but you just say it because it’s the first yucky vegetable that comes to your mind. But hey, that’s great!

–Outside the Frick Museum

Overheard by: A. Pincus

Guy, yelling from third story fire escape: Sarah! Sarah Whitlock! Don’t leave me! She meant nothing to me! Come back… Please! (pause) Okay, but I’m keeping the deposit!

–E 4th Street

Overheard by: Nima Shirazi

See the Angels in the Architecture?

Hipster #1: Awwww! I never noticed it said “love” all over the cement!
Hipster #2: It doesn’t.
Hipster #1: Oh, I guess the shrooms kicked in.

–12th & 4th

Barkeep, Some Wednesday One-Liners, Please!

Scruffy guy: Maybe you’re allergic to kangaroo milk.

–St. Mark’s Pl

Overheard by: Elaina

Hipster dude on cell: Dude, what the fuck? Everywhere I go in your city there’s, like, no eggnog.

–Mercer St

Overheard by: omar

Street sock vendor to another: This country’s immigration problems could all be solved if they just stopped selling Corona.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Cameron Rose

Crazy guy: Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some fuckin’ water! Dumb bitch forgot the fuckin’ water. Go back up that hill, bitch, and get me my fuckin’ water!

–C train

Overheard by: Chrissy

Thug to wife: Yo, this nigga don’t trust nothin’ ‘less it has an umbrella stickin’ out of it. That’s gangsta!

–Atlantic Station Pathmark

Overheard by: Kosi

Isn’t There an Interpol Song About This?

Hipster #1: I wish I had cameras in my eyes so I could film movies while I walk around.
Hipster #2: Yeah, that’d be cool, but I’d still rather just have eyes.

–34th between 8th & 9th

Overheard by: with a K

Who Interprets the Floor of the Subway as a Toilet?

Hip Woman: Excuse me, I think you dropped your Metrocard.
UES Woman: I know. It’s not any good anymore.
Hip Woman: Oh, so now the floor is a garbage can?
UES Woman: That depends on your interpretation.
Hip Woman: Who interprets the floor of the bus as a garbage can? Man, I sure would hate to see your apartment.

–M15 bus

Wednesday One-Liners Rob the Cradle

Teen: I'm 14 years old and I'm still a virgin…how sick is that??

–Simon Baruch Middle School

Overheard by: the art major

Random old guy: The only thing I like more than children is more children.

–Barnes & Noble, 83rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Maianess

20-something guy to friend, casually: Oh, yeah, and the high school girl doesn't want a relationship.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: rachelandkaceyfuckup

Hipster girl to a group of friends: I can't date him. It would be like dating a kid, and not like in a really good way. (awkward silence) Uhm, not that there is a really good way to date a kid.

–Grand Central Station

Guy: You can do that to a girl but you can't do that to a guy! That's child molestation!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: inching away

Professor: Did I ever tell you? I used to work at a carnival operating the kiddie rides. (laughs) And no! I never became a pedophile!

–Wagner College

Overheard by: good to know

HIs Whole Body’s a Treasure-Trail!

Hipster girl #1: I usually don’t mind, but this guy was like… I mean, basically you couldn’t tell if his shirt was on or off, he was that hairy!
Hipster girl #2: Yeah, I used to date a guy like that. You know those hair removal ads for men with the before and after pictures, where they basically take like the hairiest man that ever walked the earth? That was him. Chest, back, shoulders, ass… Covered.
Bear guy: Aw, come on. That’s just plain hot!

–Pink Pony, LES

I Win

Rap CD peddler: Do you like good music?
Hipster: No.
Rap CD peddler: Oh, so you like bad music?
Hipster: Yes.
Rap CD peddler: Fuck you.

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: I hate music, too

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist