Wednesday Doesn't Know a Single One-Liner Here Tonight

Girl to friend: This party is going to be awesome! Wait. We have to stop somewhere on the way…I gotta pee before I put out tonight.

–Montrose & Graham

Dude: Do you even know what an Animal Collective Listening Party means in the rest of the country?

–Animal Collective Album Listening Party, River Room, Harlem

Overheard by: care bear stare

Girl: I think it's okay if she parties, as long as it's with a bunch of Christians.

–West 4th b/w 6th & MacDougal

Girl to friend: There's this party in the East Village. It's called "Spit." I'll tell you next time I go. It's on Fridays. But my gawd, these guys are cokeheads. I ended up with ten of them in my apartment last week.

–8th & 18th

Overheard by: Sebastian White

Chick on cell: Do parties *count* if there's nothing but necking and spanking and nipple-tweaking?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Guy: I know I'm gay, but the best part of my Bar Mitzvah was meeting the party planner.

–Barns & Noble, 8th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Rijita

Posted on March 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, Columbia University, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jews, Judaism, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Names, Nipples, On Cell, One-liners, Orgy, Parades & Festitivites, Pee, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Questions, S&M, Sex, Store, Street, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners

Learned All About That in College

Woman #1: So, you ever have one of your guy friends crash at your place and then try to make a move on you?
Woman #2: Of course.
Woman #1: I mean, I'm in my bed and he's in the living room on the couch, and suddenly he's there trying to kiss me and slip his hand up my shirt. I was like, “What the hell, dude, I thought you were gay!”
Woman #2: I know. I always kick them out, right there and then.
Woman #3: But sometimes, I'm so drunk, I just go with it, you know?

–Fiddlesticks Bar

Posted on January 9, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Drinking & Drunk People, Gays and Lesbians, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kick, Sex, Women

And in the Closet

Drunk hipster guy #1 (screaming): Let's see who can make out with the fattest girl tonight. Whoever makes out with the fattest gets ten dollars from everyone else.
Drunk hipster guy #2 (also screaming): Yeah, and if there's a close call, she can judge.
Drunk hipster girl: Hey, I want in on this action! That could be 50 bucks.
Guy #1: Okay, okay, you can play too. But if it comes down to a close call between us guys you have to decide which girl is fatter.
Drunk hipster guy #3: And she can have a good personality.
Drunk hipster guy #4: Why are we screaming?
Drunk hipster guy #1: Because we're Italian.

–LIRR

Overheard by: revolted

Posted on January 6, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drunks, Hipsters, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Money & Class, Trains Not Subway, Weirdness

Reader Challenge: Think About This Before You Snuggle in Public

Young woman, trying to reach doors, to snuggly couple: Excuse me. (snuggly couple seem not to hear) Excuse me! (She pushes past them and exits train)
Tall white guy: It wasn't that annoying!

–B Train

Posted on January 3, 2009
Couples, Guys, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Women

Someone Ought to Tell Them That There Is No “Joe”

Hungover girl #1: Oh my god, last night was so much fun! Joe kept making out with me and telling me how coked up he was.
Hungover girl #2: Oh my god, he kept making out with me too!
Hungover girl #1: Isn't he such a good kisser?

–FIT Elevator

Overheard by: MKG

Headline by: Seth

Runners-Up:
· “”Ohh- Is This YOUR Gum, Then?”” – ~m
· “And Now Our Babies Will Be Born on the Same Day!” – Katie Darling
· “Next Week, on The Bachelor…” – Catie
· “The Reason Pablo Escobar Was So Successful…” – Prashant
· “To Be Fair Though, They Share Underwear Too.” – Sam

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on January 1, 2009
Celebrations/Parties, Cocaine, Drunks, Elevators, Girls, Headline Contest Winners, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Promiscuity

Curiosity Kills Desire in the Insecure

Hipster girl: Why is the sky blue?
Boy: I don't know. Let's never kiss again.

–Times Square

Overheard by: holding sushi.

Posted on December 1, 2008
Boys, Colors, Hipsters, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Questions, Times Square

Tired of Making Out With Two-Dimensional Losers

Girl wearing 3-D glasses: Dude, I wish I could go through life three beers deep and wearing these things.
Friend: Yeah, you'd make out with everyone.

–W Lounge, Fashion Week

Headline by: Karl

Runners-Up:
· “I Wear My 3-D Glasses at Night…” – Lisa K
· “It’d Be Like the Penis Is Coming Right at You!” – Joeritos
· “Megan’s Parents Would Come to Regret Taking Her to the Hannah Montana 3-D Movie” – Claire
· “So Basically Normal, But With Glasses” – Ross
· “The Bush Twins Can Finally Be Themselves” – Svenn Diagram

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on November 27, 2008
Drinking & Drunk People, Fashion, Friends, Girls, Headline Contest Winners, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Parades & Festitivites, Wishes & desires

Hershey's Wednesday One-Liners

Drunken guy to stoned guy: I would kiss you, but you might remember.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Lo

Girl: And so he's like, "I kissed you on the mouth last night", and I'm like "oh really? I didn't know."

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: jaytro

Dude on cell: Yeah, bro, leave it to me. I decide to cheat on my wife and I end with some stupid whore who wants to play kissie-face in a fucking Newark parking lot.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: AdHoculi

Cute girl approaches frat boy at bar: I was going to pretend I don't know you, but I do know you, and now I think I want to kiss you. Is that okay?

–Clinton & Montague, Brooklyn Heights

Latina girl on cell: Well, my cousin died two years ago, right, and on the one-year anniversary that's when I kissed him.

–Outside Victoria Fashions, 116th & 3rd

Overheard by: Chuckles

Older German woman with accent: So when she was little she used to take a bunch of sleeping pills and lay on the floor, and she wouldn't get up until someone kissed her! It was so cute!

–1 Train

Overheard by: EthanK

Posted on November 26, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Columbia University, Death, Drunks, Family Ties, Foreigners, Frat Boys, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Infidelity, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Latinos, Marriage, Old People, On Cell, Parks, Penn Station, Pick-up Lines, Stoners, Store, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Man's Best Wednesday One-Liners

Man: So I was making out with my ex girlfriend on the bridge and out of nowhere this dog runs over and starts humping my leg…

–Uptown 1 Train

Dude outside bar: All dogs are gay.

–7th Avenue, Park Slope

Overheard by: The Katie

Black man arguing with kiosk man: Yo, he ain't my son, he's my dog!

–6th Street

Middle-aged woman walking her dog to passersby: I'm a dog! I don't know why none of you believe me! I talk to my dog. Humans don't talk to animals, animals talk to animals! I'm not human! And until you people realize that, you're going to keep having problems with me!

–9th St & University Place

Overheard by: Katie

Drunk guy to girls walking puppy: Hey giiirl. Watch yo dawg. Giiirl! Watch yo dog… Cuz I might bite!

–Staten Island Boardwalk

Overheard by: Izzy

(teacher's cell rings)
Teacher: I have a feeling I have to answer this. It's very important. It's about my puppy.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: student

Posted on August 27, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Black People, Crazies, Crazy, Customers, Drunks, Family Ties, Fears, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Men, On the Subway, Park Slope, Sexuality, Staten Island, Stuyvesant, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Threats, We Love Our Pets, Women

Or You Called Him “Daddy”

(group of drunk teen girls are walking down the street)
Slurring girl (shouting): I made out with a 26-year-old! I feel kinda bad about that, but… But he was fucking hot!
Friend: It's only hot if he knew what age you were…

–73rd & 1st

Overheard by: Inquisitor

Posted on August 22, 2008
Age/Aging, Beauty, Default, Friends, Girls, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Upper East Side

K-I-S-S-I-N-G