Wednesday One-Liners– Just Like Mom Used to Make!

Man to girlfriend: You know, I was never going to tell you this, but I really dislike your mother.

–M08 Bus

20-something girl on cell: Mmm-hmm. Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry he's such a jerk. (pause) Mmm-hmm. (pause, suddenly very angrily) Well, ain't no man allowed to say your mom isn't special!

–207th St & Broadway

Slob college kid: Why would I be staring at your mom's fifty-five-year-old ass, Rachel? No, wait, my mom's fifty-five… Why would I be staring at your mom's fifty-yea-old ass?

–LIRR

Teen girl setting up voicemail on phone: Hey! This is Katy. If you're not my mother, please leave a message.

–Metro-North Rail

Nanny to little boy sticking head under her top: No, no sweetie. See, this is something I would have to tell mommy about.

–42nd St & Lexington

Overheard by: Carolyn

Posted on May 3, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Apologies, Ass, Bus, Couples, Family Ties, Frat Boys, Girlfriends, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Seems Like More of a Gustav Klimt Conversation

Woman: So ummm, what do you think about this painting?
Man: I can’t believe you said I kiss exactly like my brother!
Woman: I love Monet, he uses such vivid colors…
Man: Yuck, now it feels like I’ve kissed my brother as well!

–The Met

Posted on May 2, 2015
Arts & Letters, Family Ties, Manhattan, Men, People, Places, Sex & Relationships, The Met, Topics, Upper East Side, Women

Gosh I Love Parent-Teacher Conferences

Man: Don't worry, when your up there shakin' your booty, ain't nobody gonna be lookin' at your stomach!
Woman: You're right.

–Borough Hall Courtyard

Overheard by: Nacona

Posted on May 2, 2015
Ass, Body Parts, Men, Office, Physical appearance, Women

It Depends on What’s Hot This Season

Man #1: I don’t want black shoes. They get too hot in the summer.
Man #2: That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. How much surface area of your shoes actually faces the sun?

–Office, East 45th Street

Overheard by: l.k.

Posted on May 2, 2015
Fashion, Guys, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Office, Shopping, Stupidity

Read These Wednesday One-Liners to Induce Vomiting

Guy: Once I told my friend Ivan that I like to eat my scabs, and he said he did too, so we ate each other scabs.

–Park Slope

Ugly drunk girl: Sometimes I pick people's noses. (pause) Usually nothing comes out!

–LIRR, Huntington Line

Overheard by: I <3 Commuters Black guy on cell: Then I put KY all over her pussy, yo, and she wanted to spoon that shit up and eat it!

–Lafayette St

Man to family: Well, I've got to assume he's getting sick anyway, judging by the snot I just saw.

–Grand Central Station

Male law student: That's the good thing. You can scratch all day and it won't spread.

–Fordham Law School

20-something receptionist: Urp! I think I just coughed up a fetus. I better Lysol the phone.

–5th Ave

Overheard by: BrooklynBorn

Posted on May 2, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Cleanliness, Clerks, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Excretions, Families, Food, Fordham, Friendship, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Sex, Store, Students, Train Station, Trains Not Subway, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Everyone's a Fucking Critic!

Man singing in soulful, beautiful voice: Uptown, nigggah! Uptown niggaaah! Uptown nigga. Uptown niggggah!
Man on other side of the subway, moments later: We going downtown, nigggah!

–F Train

Overheard by: Jay Bee