Wednesday One-Liners Can Still Lead a Normal Life

Pissed off gay guy on phone: What should you have said? Oh, I don’t know, maybe "Hi, I’m Michael, I have syphilis!"

–13th & Broadway

Guy: That’d be a great gig, but I don’t know if you want to be the face of venereal disease.

–Cafe Esperanto

Woman coming off train: Get away from me! You got AIDS on yo’ dick!

–R Train

Overheard by: going to the clinic

Chick: As long as it’s not AIDS it’s okay. I’m vaccinated against everything except AIDS.

–Columbia University

20-something male talking to friend: You know the way I see it: AIDS will kill you, herpes is just an inconvenience…

–34th between 2nd and 3rd

Overheard by: LadyEDdy

Columbia student, on her public health exam: I just didn’t know where to put the gonorrhea! It had to go somewhere, I just couldn’t figure out where!

–School of Public Heatlh, Columbia University

Loud guy: So he gave her a venereal disease. That’s not a reason to marry her!

–Blue Hill Restaurant

Posted on January 7, 2015
Advice, AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Education, Friends, Girls, Guys, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, On Cell, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, STDs, Students, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Women

At Least That’s the Buzz

Suit #1: Yeah, so they’re selling enough dildos a month that they want to expand.
Suit #2: Really?
Suit #1: Yeah, but he doesn’t have the space.

–33rd & 5th

Posted on January 5, 2015
Dildos and Vibrators, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Rumor Has It, Suits

Where It’s Part of the Public School Curriculum

20-something chick #1: … So was she, like, dating that married guy?
20-something chick #2: No! Man, you can’t date a married guy, he’s married! You can only fuck a married guy.
Lady with kids: Do you mind?!
20-something chick #2: If you don’t want your kids to hear about fucking married men, then don’t raise them in New York!

–34th & Madison

Overheard by: I hate kids too…

Posted on December 31, 2014
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Biotechs, Infidelity, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Only in New York

You're on Park Avenue, Motherfucker!

Guy walking St. Bernard: Watch where you swing that fucking cigarette!
Young hipster: Upscale yuppie!
Guy: You say that like it's a bad thing.

–18th & Park Ave

Overheard by: Class Warmonger

Posted on December 28, 2014
Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Smoking

You Know How the Other Guys Gossip

Construction worker #1: Want to have sex in the bathroom?
Construction worker #2: Not right now.

–E 28th St

Posted on December 28, 2014
Construction Guys, Gays and Lesbians, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Sex, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Did They or Didn’t They, Wednesday One-liners?

Chick on cell: So I saw Damien last night…Yeah, he tried to sleep with me…No, I told him, “Damien, I’m not going to fuck you in the apartment where you live with your girlfriend slash fiance slash whatever!

–18th between 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Nick Braccia

Posted on December 26, 2014
Girls, Infidelity, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Sex

So Many Possible “Jam” and “Spread” Jokes–The Mind Reels

JAP #1: I hate boys who won’t kiss you after you go down on them.
JAP #2: Yeah, I know. But I don’t kiss boys after they go down on me.
JAP #1: That’s awful! If he can handle it, you should too.
JAP #2: But it’s so bitter! I’m just saying: if they sold a jam the flavor of my vagina, I would not buy it.

–27th & 5th

Posted on December 25, 2014
BJs, Default, Food, JAPs, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Sensory Experiences, Vagina

Are You Afraid of Wednesday One-Liners?

FDNY lieutenant to EMTs: Hey, get this! Some guy just called 911 because some guy looked scary!

–34th & 10th

Overheard by: guy in back of ambulance

Gay guy to another: I'm terrified of successful women!

–23rd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Moy

(guy with drums finishes a performance in the train)
Guy with drums: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening. Help a brother out and donate some money if you enjoyed this performance. (lady in front of him looks scared)
Please donate and if you don't know what to do or are scared, smile and nod. Everything will be okay.

–E Train

Overheard by: Sleepy

Crazy bag lady to high school boy: I ain't scared of you. I'll beat you with a crowbar. Cuz I gotta crowbar in my pussy and it's way up there!

–B54 Bus

Suit on cell: And I was scared, right? Because her legs were open in the cemetery.

–Gramercy Park

Posted on December 23, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crazies, Crazy, Death, Fears, Firemen, Gender issues, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, Musicians, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Panhandling, Queer guys, Sexuality, Stupidity, Suits, Threats, Weirdness

This is What Passes for Imagination These Days?

Little Boy: What are these?
Older Boy: Those are peanuts. If you put a glass of water in a box, and put peanuts around it, it won’t break when you mail it.

–Staples, 26th & Park

Posted on December 20, 2014
Boys, Magic, Murray Hill and Gramercy

Let’s Make Her Our Next Mayor

Cabbie: Are you going this way? I’m not turning around!
Chick: What the..? I’m not hitchhiking, I’m fucking paying you, and if I tell you to turn around you damn well better turn around!

He drives away.

Chick: Yeah, fuck you too, cunty Mr. Crack Whore.
Hipster guy: Lady, you need therapy.
Chick: Man, you need to stop sucking dick. And a haircut.

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Jesia Guera

Posted on December 15, 2014
Assholes, Cabbies, Girls, Hipsters, Insults, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Public Transportation, Talking/Convos

Murray Hill and Gramercy