Soccer mom: In two weeks, my knitting circle’s going to the strip club.
–28th & Lex
Girl: I want to become a stripper so that I can see Patti LuPone in Gypsy every night.
–St. James Theatre
Overheard by: Erin
Loud NYU chick: Listen to the opening guitar riff of Voodoo child. It makes you want to be a stripper!
–Bobst Library
Overheard by: evil em
Six-year-old boy to parents: Oohh! Zombie strippers! Let’s see that!
–Port Authority
10-year-old white boy: Mom, you know what I'm wondering?
Mom: No, what?
10-year-old: What does “shish kanish” mean?
Mom, staring at him: What the hell are you talking about?
10-year-old: In that song by Shakira it says she makes a man wanna “shish kanish.”
Mom, shaking head: “Speak Spanish,” Cory. She made a man wanna speak Spanish. Shit, you ain't never gonna be a singer.
–Tenement Museum
Overheard by: Excuse me while I kiss this guy
Hobo: You like rap? I started that shit. I did. I started that rap shit. Way before hip-hop. You don’t like rap, you ain’t shit.
–4 train
Overheard by: Aaron
Male clerk, singing: … And one of these days these foots are gonna walk all over you.
Ghetto female clerk: Foots? It’s feets.
–19th & Broadway
Old woman, putting stamps on envelope: I wish they would change the picture on these…
Middle aged woman: Frank Sinatra?
Old woman: Oh god, not that creep!
–Post Office, Stuyvesant
Overheard by: flat rate box
Soulful black man: Well, think about this. A white man lived in Graceland, a black man lived in Neverland. (nods knowingly)
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: Bearsian
Gallery director to intern: So after he was arrested we sent a letter to Henry Gates asking him for money, you know, since we are a multicultural organization.
–Lower East Side Art Gallery
Latina to Latino: Latinos and black people can't be racist. That's, like, just white people.
–Red Hook, Brooklyn
White hobo: When I see a black nigger together with a white nigger, that just confuses the hell outta me.
–Houston & Clinton
Woman: She likes black dogs because she's black, and I like white dogs because I'm white.
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: Yehuda
Female Hipster, singing: Boom boom boom, let’s go back to my room…
Male Hipster: I remember when that song came out–that was the dirtiest song imaginable!
— Lolita
Columbia grad student: …developing a really spectacular
sense of intellectual arrogance.
–Columbia University
Professor, receiving text message in class: Ooh. That’s interesting. Invitation to go dancing, not from my girlfriend. Thank God I’ve got permission… We’re never going to get to anything today, are we? I’m so bad at this…
–Tisch School of the Arts, NYU
Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson
Chinese professor: You see Chinese like tofu, you never use it.
–John Jay College
Overheard by: soccerking3t
Teen guy: So I ended up in a dress. I don’t think English class will ever be the same.
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: Natasha
Sadistic professor: Unfortunately we don’t flog people anymore. You usually pass out after you finish screaming.
–Fordham, the Bronx
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Drunken pre-med to drunken boy teetering on a concrete railing: Reed, if you fall, I’m not a doctor yet!
–West Village, 8th & 14th
Overheard by: annie
NYU girl to professor: So, if you’re sleeping with Nietzsche, you shouldn’t ask the question, "What are you thinking?"
–NYU classroom, Mercer & Houston
Weird girl: Did you bring the scepter?
Weird boy: No, I forgot.
Weird girl: That’s the second time!
Weird boy: I know, I’m sorry! I got the Tetris theme song stuck in my head again!
–D train
Overheard by: Kaela
Guy: Just know I chose my own fate: I drove by the fork in the road and went straight. Isn't it deep? I'm getting it tattooed on my shoulder.
Girl: Who are you quoting?
Guy: Jay-Z.
–34th St, Penn Station
Overheard by: No Lie
Headline by: Lauren
Runners-Up:
· “”99 Problems But a Bitch Ain’t One” Was Taken” – Cass
· “Just How Big Is Your Shoulder?” – porter
· “Maybe You Should Tattoo That Between Your Legs…” – LPS
· “Monkeys With Typewriters Couldn’t Ever End Up With Gold Like That” – Caitorade
· “The Confucious Of Our Generation” – Fresca
