Dial “M” for Wednesday One-Liner

Man with entourage: So I killed one just before I went to sleep. (entourage laughs) Yeah, and I left it on her ceiling as a warning.

–Bleecker & Broadway

Dude walking down street: And if I kill him, I'm certified to bring him back to life…

–Brooklyn

Old man to another: You know, I don't even give a shit if I die anymore!

–E 84th St

Girl to friend: Why would you put the poison in milk?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Michela

20-something guy: Fucking corduroy! I've gotta tell ya, I fucking love corduroy! I swear to god, I'd kill for corduroy!

–J.Crew Men's Store

Overheard by: Pedro

Posted on March 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Clothing, Death, Drinks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Laughter, Love, Men, Murder, Old People, One-liners, Questions, Store, Street, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Tonight on the History Channel

Bimbo #1: What is The Vagina Monologues about?
Bimbo #2: I think its about like… The history of like…
Older man, stretching: Penises.

–New York Sports Club, 86th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: stillinshock

Posted on March 9, 2010
Bimbettes, Gyms, Old People, Penis, Theater & Dance, Upper East Side, Vagina

Twilight?

Woman, approaching stranger on train: What are you reading?
Older man: (points to his book)
Woman, pointing to name: It says “Joyce”!
Older man: Oh, yeah it does.
Woman: I read a book.
Older man: Oh really? What was it?
Woman: It was a girly book.

–Q Train

Overheard by: Natalie

Posted on March 8, 2010
Books & Writing, Names, Old People, On the Subway, Questions, Women

She's Still Pissed About How Small His Role Was in Chocolat

Elderly lady, seeing cover of People magazine: “Johnny Depp, sexiest man alive”? I don't care. Who cares? (to cashier) Do you care?
Cashier: I don't care.
Elderly lady: His mother might care.

–Duane Reade

Posted on March 2, 2010
About Celebrities, Beauty, Cashiers, Compare/Contrast, Duane Reade, Old People, Parents, Physical appearance, Questions, Women

Soon Only Middle-Aged Gay Men Will Love Lady Gaga

Old man to teenagers dancing in line ahead of him: What are you kids listening to? Looks like fun!
Teenage boy, aggressively: We're dancing to Lady Gaga's “Bad Romance.” You don't know her.
Old man: I love her! I'm seeing her concert at Radio City Music Hall!
(teenagers stare, speechless)

–Metropolitan Opera, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: James

Posted on February 21, 2010
Dancing, Music, Old People, Questions, Teens, Theater, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

“Hi, My Name Is Wednesday, and I'm a One-Liner”

Happy old drunk guy, to no one in particular: Eldridge Street, god bless us, every one! Eldridge street!

–Eldridge Street & Broome Street

Drunk girl to friend: There she goes! Being all Rosa Parks, as usual, saving her tribe …

–2nd Ave b/w 5th & 6th

Drunk girl outside bar: If I ever have children, I want them to be as fucked up as I am!

–West Village

Overheard by: AsherO

Drunk girl: I'm so hungry I could eat a dick!

–Fordham University

Overheard by: teagle

Loud drunk girl at table with friends: Ashton sat on my lovesack!

–Blockheads

Posted on February 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Compare/Contrast, Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Family Ties, Fashion, Food, Fordham, Friends, Girls, Happiness, Kids, Lower East Side, Old People, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Politics, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners, Unfiltered

Social studies teacher: Sometimes this class just makes me want a cigarette and a stiff drink. To bad I don't smoke anymore. Well, cigarettes, at least.

–Hunter College High School

Girl to friend: What I really want right now is a whippit and two cigarettes.

–NYU Dorm

Subway girl: You know, he smokes a lot for being crippled.

–N Train

High school boy: You know Danny? He's been smoking since he was in second grade.

–Cold Stone Creamery

Overheard by: Kristina

Old lady to store owner: I just got out of the hospital. Can I have a lighter? A BIC one.

–Amsterdam & 88th St

Overheard by: Beez and Newb

Posted on February 10, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bosses, Drinking & Drunk People, Education, Elementary & Middle School, Friends, Girls, Handicaps, Health and Hygiene, Hunter, Medicine, NYU, Offers and requests, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Smoking, Store, Street, Students, Teachers/Professors, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Wishes & desires

Wouldn't That Involve Strobe Lights and a Disco Beat?

Blue-haired old lady, after flaming gay guy sets off theft alarm: What was that?
Store clerk: Gaydar.

–Barnes & Noble, 17th St

Overheard by: steve

Posted on February 6, 2010
Clerks, Gays and Lesbians, Old People, Questions, Store

The Pot Calling the Kettle “Wednesday One-Liner”

Guy blocking overcrowded subway car to elderly woman trying to squeeze by: Hey! You could say "excuse me!"

–Uptown N Train

Woman, eating falafel: I'm trying to stay away from fried foods.

–40th St

Five foot, 250-pound woman to friend: Wow! That girl in front of us is fat!

–42nd & 8th

Man on cell: Maybe you're the one with the fucking anger problem! Dick!

–Outside The Met

Overheard by: Yellow!

Posted on February 3, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Apologies, Diet/Weight, Ethnic Food, Fat People, Food, Guys, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, The Met, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Got Game

Old queer on cell: Okay, well I'll be watching the Mets game, or the Jets game, whatever you call it… What do they call it when you men all sit together and can't talk?

–Broadway & 103rd St

Iranian tourist to street performer: We don't have a vote but we have a basketball team!

–Washington Square

Overheard by: RAR!

Subway conductor: This is the uptown "d" express train, making all express stops in Manhattan and The Bronx, including 161st Street, so the Yankees can host the Minnesota Twins. We'd like to welcome all Detroit Tigers fans riding with us–shame you couldn't bring your team.

–Uptown D Train

Female sports fan: A-Rod's back baby! Kate Hudson has a magic pussy!

–Pub, 45th & 3rd

Overheard by: Pub crawler

Teenage girl to group of attentive friends: If leprechauns could play basketball, they would.

–High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on January 27, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Fast Times at New York High, Foreigners, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Magic, Mets, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Passengers, Politics, Public Transportation, Queens, Queer guys, Questions, Sports, Street, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Vendors & Street Performers, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words, Yankees

Old People