Guy blocking overcrowded subway car to elderly woman trying to squeeze by: Hey! You could say "excuse me!"
–Uptown N Train
Woman, eating falafel: I'm trying to stay away from fried foods.
–40th St
Five foot, 250-pound woman to friend: Wow! That girl in front of us is fat!
–42nd & 8th
Man on cell: Maybe you're the one with the fucking anger problem! Dick!
–Outside The Met
Overheard by: Yellow!
Old queer on cell: Okay, well I'll be watching the Mets game, or the Jets game, whatever you call it… What do they call it when you men all sit together and can't talk?
–Broadway & 103rd St
Iranian tourist to street performer: We don't have a vote but we have a basketball team!
–Washington Square
Overheard by: RAR!
Subway conductor: This is the uptown "d" express train, making all express stops in Manhattan and The Bronx, including 161st Street, so the Yankees can host the Minnesota Twins. We'd like to welcome all Detroit Tigers fans riding with us–shame you couldn't bring your team.
–Uptown D Train
Female sports fan: A-Rod's back baby! Kate Hudson has a magic pussy!
–Pub, 45th & 3rd
Overheard by: Pub crawler
Teenage girl to group of attentive friends: If leprechauns could play basketball, they would.
–High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Drunk to Asian guy: Tell me, why is it that when Asians get in street fights, they never use their martial arts?
–1 Train
Overheard by: Fonvielle
Waiter: Please let me know if you have any food allergies. We ninjas don't like to kill by accident; we only kill on purpose.
–Ninja Japanese Restaurant
Little boy to grandfather: Hey grandpa, are you a black belt or any kind of ninja?
–Cobble Hill, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Jess
Health care worker: I'ma kill that ninja!
–Brooklyn Health Center
Large black woman: Don't you want to sit down? You don't have a good balance.
Old Jewish man with walker: Not true! Last night, at around two am, a fairy came to me and said I had good balance!
Large black woman, shrugging: Alriiight!
–N Train
Overheard by: zach
Recently engaged woman to family: So, he sent me a message saying “Hey, I was looking at your profile and I noticed we had a lot in common, so check out my profile.” So I looked at his picture and I was scared to death! And then I went through his pictures and when I saw the one of him in the macaroni suit I knew that was the man I was going to marry.
Old woman: Oh, I know. It was like that with my husband.
Recently engaged woman: I saw him in the macaroni suit and I knew I was going to marry him.
–Restaurant, 59th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Brian
Old man: I know, I know, that man is a crook.
Older Russian man: A crook! I wish him to die.
Old man: Well, I don't wish death on anyone.
Older Russian man: Bah! I wish you to die. (walks off)
–113th & Broadway
Young man: Sir, would you like my seat?
Old man grimly clutching pole: No no, I'll stand.
Young man: Are you sure?
Old man: Yes, thank you.
Young man: Well, okay.
Old man: It's not *just* about being macho. I am getting off at the next stop. (pause) It is about being macho, though!
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Old lady, observing lavish Christmas display: No, no, no. This is horrible.
Friend: What's so bad about it? Early Christmas stuff is just supposed to make you happy.
Old lady: All it does is make me feel like I'm dying even faster.
–Kohl's Store
Overheard by: ho ho ho
70-year-old woman: I saw that movie with that man–that fellow, Eastwood.
Friend: Gran Torino?
70-year-old woman: Yes, yes. They should make young people today watch that. Teach them a lesson about drinking and drugs!
–Columbia
Disco-glam drag queen: It was! It was baby oil, and I knew it!
–Rubulad, Bed-Stuy
Overheard by: Katie
Black drag queen in kimono: I'm a corn pone Southern faggot, we do not do yoga.
–Tribeca
Overheard by: Ryan K
Hysterical Latina transvestite: My life is in my ass, mijo!
–2 Train
Overheard by: Jean
Drag queen hooker to older lady staring at her: You so wish you could wear a onesie like me.
–MTA
