Only Wednesday One-Liners Bother to Look Up

British tourist, passing by The Pink Tea Cup Southern restaurant: Oh, look–an urban menu!

–Bleecker & Grove

Young Asian tourist girl: You mean, there's not actually any fields?

–Strawberry Fields

Overheard by: Jason K.

Tourist, in thick Southern accent: I just don't understand how they turn the trains around so fast, and we don't see them do it!

–Grand Central Station, Shuttle Train

Overheard by: Sara

Tourist hick teen to others: Everybody's wearin' shoes!

–33rd St & 6th Ave

Elderly tourist being escorted to her seat: Oh! I hope we get a booth!

–Olive Garden

Overheard by: EthanK

Tourist to friend: No, we cannot go into a store. I cannot leave Broadway. How else would you expect me to get discovered?

–Time Square

Posted on May 27, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Brits, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Food, Foreigners, Friends, Grand Central, Jobs & Careers, Old People, One-liners, Parks, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Shoes, Southerners, Stupidity, Teens, The Village, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Harold and Kumar III Features the Same Old Regurgitated Jokes

Older man: I'm drunk and hungry, I need some White Castle.
Younger man: That'll make you throw up.
Older man: But that's how I end all my nights, so it won't be different.

–Christopher St & 7th Ave

Posted on May 26, 2009
Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Men, Old People, The Village, Vomit, Weirdness

Let's Leave This Heathen Town Before It Eats Us Alive!

Old tourist: They have a monorail here now.
Older tourist: A what?
Old tourist: A monorail.
Older tourist: A monorail?
Old tourist: A monorail.
Older tourist: Jesus.

–JFK

Overheard by: zoviet

Posted on May 22, 2009
Airports, JFK Airport, Old People, Public Transportation, Questions, Tourism, Tourists, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Would Like Some Privacy, Please

Professional-sounding female on cell in bathroom stall: What? (sounds of toilet paper roll) In the bathroom? No! (indignantly) I…I'm…near the bathroom!

–Women's Bathroom, FAO Schwartz

Overheard by: near the computer

Girl to friend in bathroom stall: That crack in the door is big enough for me to see the crack of 'yo ass.

–Women's Bathroom, Hunter College

Man exiting bathroom stall to waiting man: No, no, no. Feces.

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: matt

Black loud cleaning lady to Asian woman: Excuse me, miss? Why you gotta be leaving the seat up? You always leave the seat up! Putting the seat up is okay, but if you put it up, put it down!

–Ladies Room, LIRR

Overheard by: BK

Guy on cell in toilet stall: Now I am unbuckling my belt. (pause) Now I am unzipping my pants. (pause) Now I am pulling down my pants. (pause) Now I am pulling down my underwear. (pause) Now I am sitting down.

–Men's Room, Billy Elliott

Old guy peeing in a urinal, with childlike delight and glee: Wheeeee! Wheeeeeeeeee! Wooooooooooooo! Wheeeeeeeee!

–Men's Room, McDonald's

Posted on May 20, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Ass, Black People, Clerks, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Height, Lies, Men, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Pee, Poop, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Singing, Store, Theater, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Oh, Get Your Mind Out Of the Wednesday One-Liner!

Angry bus driver: Get out of my rear. Get out of my rear.

–Q44 Bus

Overheard by: This is why men do not give birth

Law professor, pulling out a cough drop: Sorry guys, if I don't suck on this, I just won't make it.

–CUNY Law School

Overheard by: That's what she said

Chemistry teacher: No, it's really warm here. (pause) Feel my test-tube.

–Stuyvesant High School

Large black lady to girlfriend: I'm not gonna let him put his babbaganush in my peace pipe!

–Houston St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: ian has a face

Loud woman on cell: Yes, he stuck it up my right one, and when it was halfway in, I was like "ow, you need to take it out!" and then he stuck it up my left one, and I felt no discomfort!

–72nd & 2nd

Old lady to another: So is there an oral tradition in your family then?

–86th & Broadway

Overheard by: Frenchie

Posted on May 20, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, BJs, Black People, Bus, Bus Drivers, Classroom, College, Family Ties, Fat People, Girlfriends, Health and Hygiene, Heat, Medicine, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Penis, Private Parts, Public Transportation, Questions, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Smoking, Students, Stuyvesant, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

…He Does Want Extra Cheese.

Old guy on mountain bike: (makes Chewbacca-like noise into the service window of a pizzeria)
Unseen person across the street: (same noise)
Old guy on bike to pizzeria worker: See?

–5th Ave, Sunset Park

Overheard by: B. Clothman

Posted on May 19, 2009
Clerks, Movies, Old People, Sensory Experiences, Strangers, Weirdness

Or Have the Pigeons Grown Weary Of My Great Depression Stories?

Gramps: Those bags from the store…
(children and mother laugh).
Mother: You're talking very loud.
Gramps: What–are we in church? Did I wake somebody up?
(children and mother continue laughing)
Gramps: What did I do wrong? Should I go sit outside?

–Doctor's Office, Central Park West

Overheard by: Erick B

Posted on May 15, 2009
Age/Aging, Central Park, Church, Families, Family Ties, Kids, Laughter, Moms, Office, Old People, Questions

An Inconvenient Wednesday One-Liner

Mother to small child: Well, the weather's nice today, so it's a good afternoon to go to the park, play on the playground, go on the swings, or attack daddy. (pause) Or…you know, whatever else you feel like doing.

–Gramercy

Overheard by: Max

Fancy woman waking out of building, on cell, during snow squall: It's either snow or debris. I can't tell.

–Grand Army Plaza

Overheard by: snow. trust me.

Five-year-old girl: It's snowing way too much in Columbus Circle! Fuck! I am going to file a complaint!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: queenofscots

Older hot guy: It's as cold as a drunken French whore in the old Bastille days!

–W 4th St

Woman to neighbor: Hey, girl, do you see this snow? It's the end of the world!
(pause) Have a great day!

–140th St & Amsterdam

Posted on May 13, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Crazy, Gripes, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, History & Geography, Hotels, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Prostitution, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

I Heart NY. Now More Than Ever.

Young woman: Do you need help crossing the street?
Elderly woman: No. It's fucking red.

–96th & Broadway

Overheard by: Meghan

Posted on May 9, 2009
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Comebacks, Nice People, Offers and requests, Old People, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

Then Pull Up Your Pants, Sir.

Crazy old man: Was I fucking talking to you?
Young hoodie: Yo man, you need to calm down.
Crazy old man: Don't you fucking talk to me!
Young hoodie: Step off son, step off.
Old guy, a few seats over: Hey! (points at both men, who stop and stare) Chilly willy everybody, chilly willy.

–C Train

Overheard by: Mr. Nightingale

Posted on May 2, 2009
Anger Management, Crazies, Guys, Insults, Men, Old People, On the Subway, TV

Old People