Young Latina: I want to get a tattoo.
Post-pregnancy mom friend: Your tits are going to cover that when you get old, your husband's going to have to lift up your tits to see it. You're going to be eating McDonald's and cookies for the rest of your life.
–F Train
Overheard by: the guy you were sitting next to fer chrissakes
Girl to pregnant friend: You're only three months along? Man, you think it's twins?
Pregnant girl: I hope so. And hey, if it is twins, I'll finally have two kids by the same dad.
–Uptown E train
Snobby Upper East Side lady to obviously pregnant lady: There's no room in here! Ugh, move over! You're just too fat!
Pregnant lady, slightly baffled, What a bitch!
Snobby lady, with nose in the air: Yes, I am.
–6 Train
Overheard by: sara
50-year-old man with limited teeth: Do you know what time it is?
Attractive young preppy girl: Quarter to four.
50-year-old man with limited teeth: It's a quarter til I make sweet love to you.
–R Train
Overheard by: The mind boggles
Mother, pointing out seat to four-year-old daughter: Sit down there, honey. Don't touch anything.
Daughter, indicating her seat: Did you see? I touched it and then I licked my hand.
–F Train
Overheard by: Southern Discomforts
Woman to man she just met: I live in Brooklyn, and I'm on my way to see my man in the Bronx. My mother said to me, “must be some kinda love if you travel all the way to the Bronx for a man!”
Man: Uh-huh! That's right! It's got to be good lovin', too!
Woman: You know what I'm saying? Don't talk to me 'bout no headache, 'cause I can't do this everyday!
–1 Train
Ponytailed girl on cell, excitedly: Maybe you have, like, bacterial vaginosis or something! Yeah! That would explain it. No, you don't wanna smell like cinnamon down there, cinnamon toast crotch!
–86th & Lexington
Girl, walking onto stinky train car: Oh, shit, yo! It smells like a whole mess of hot ass up in this piece.
–L Train
Loud singing teen, stopping in mid-song: Damn! Somebody smell like soup!
–F Train
Overheard by: bpm
Smelly woman on elevator: I'ma kick that man's butt. I don't smell that strong!
–Office Building, Harlem
Overheard by: Liz
Man: This place smells like venereal disease!
–Port Authority Subway Tunnel
Overheard by: Courtney
Guy on cell: Who knows what I can do now that I don't smell like dogshit. The sky is the limit. (pause) Yeah, no more living in fear!
–27th & 5th
Little girl with large nose and pink jacket: Mommy, why is it cold out?
Mom with large nose wearing blue parka: Because your father is an asshole!
–F Train
Suit #1, looking at his BlackBerry: I have a 10:00 and a board meeting at 1. How about 10:30?
Suit #2, looking at his BlackBerry: Conference call at 10:30. 11?
Suit #1: I'm expecting a call then. 11:45?
Suit #2: Appointment downtown at 12:30, need travel time. 11:30?
Suit #1: I can't commit to 11:30. How about 9:30?
Suit #2: 9:30's now.
–E Train
Overheard by: Chuckell
Young man: Sir, would you like my seat?
Old man grimly clutching pole: No no, I'll stand.
Young man: Are you sure?
Old man: Yes, thank you.
Young man: Well, okay.
Old man: It's not *just* about being macho. I am getting off at the next stop. (pause) It is about being macho, though!
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
