Wednesday One-Liners Bring Something Unique to the Table

Guy: I hope you got a fuckin' Dixie Cup, 'cause that's what you're gonna need to hold it!

–42nd & 5th

Middle aged suit, to no one in particular: Spoon! Spoooon! Spooooon!

–Au Bon Pain, Broad St

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Young guy with backpack to young wife: Teacup, teacup, teacup, teacup, teacup.

–Sheridan Square

Crazy hobo on subway: Hey you! Did you take my spoon? I know you took my spoon! Why would you do that to a guy?

–Uptown 3 Train

Overheard by: Scared British Tourist

Indignant yuppie: I wanted to stab her with a fork! It's a good thing we were at a sushi restaurant.

–69th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on December 16, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Couples, Crazies, Crazy, Drinks, Ethnic Food, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Stab, Strangers, Street, Suits, Thievery, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Yuppies

You Did! Congrats, Little Buddy.

Wasted Columbia kid: Hey, did you just go to the game?
Sober Columbia girl: Yup.
Wasted Columbia kid: Me too! (pause) Who won?

–1 Train

Posted on December 15, 2009
Drunks, Frat Boys, On the Subway, Questions, Sports, Students, Stupidity

Getting a PhD in Basketweaving Was the Best Idea Ever!

College girl #1, in crowded train: So is graduate school just like regular college? Like, once you get in, you're good and don't have to do any work?
College girl #2: Pretty much, I do whatever I want… it's great!

–1 Train

Posted on December 13, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Education, On the Subway, Questions, School and studying, Sorority Girls, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Use the Litter Box

College dude in enthusiastic conversation: I would totally be a cat-sniffer.

–113th St & Broadway

Tall man in heavy German accent: What do you mean the cat can't take a poopy because it is too loud?

–2 Train

Overheard by: Anna

Flaky professional girl: I hate when people are like, "hey, look at that dead bird! Hey, look at that dead cat!" because god, I always look first!

–42nd & 6th

Overheard by: amalthya

Girl on cell: Now you need to marry him for the discounted cat food!

–10th st & 1st Ave

Posted on December 9, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Columbia University, Death, Food, Foreigners, Frat Boys, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Gripes, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Poop, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Street, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday Flatliners

Girl on cell: You told me that bitch was dead, but I just saw her in Key Food.

–Williamsburg

Middle school girl: No, he wasn't dead, but you'll never guess what happened.

–Penn Station

Man on phone: No! No! Do you hear me!? Listen! It's time to die!

–33rd & Broadway

Overheard by: J Harmony

Man on cell: I went back into the room 30 minutes later and he was still breathing! What are we going to do?

–8th & 34th

Overheard by: Bret B

Adorable three-year-old girl to mother: When I die you can have all of my shiny stuff!

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: The Green Cat

Posted on December 9, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Death, Gifts, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Kids, Men, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Penn Station, Street, Students, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg

A Farewell to Wednesday One-Liners

Teenage boy, explaining why he joined the Air Force: We've been around since World War II. We fought against the Germans and sank several submarines. We also killed a whale, but that's not the point.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

20-something dude to friend: Ma-fucking-rines! The Marines! Man, I'ma join up, be a Marine, and go all over the world, fuck, and have babies. I'ma get laid and have a baby in every country: Spain, France… even Pakistan!

–50th & 8th

Overheard by: camillia*

Little boy in army fatigues hiding behind fallen tree: Pow! Pow! Look, mommy! It's the Battle of the Bulge!

–St. Mark's

Lady with Russian accent to salesperson in outerwear section: I don't like the style, it's not feminine. It's like for soldiers, or Chinese people.

–Lord & Taylor, 39th St

Overheard by: mira

Off-duty MTA worker to another: Britain? Whatever man, we beat they ass with… muskets and shit!

–6 Train

Posted on December 9, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Clerks, Clothing, Customers, Friends, Gender issues, Gripes, Guys, History & Geography, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, On the Subway, One-liners, Private Parts, Queens, Race, School, Sex, Store, Street, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Violence, War, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

TV Is TV, Curtis

Young woman: I want to see it when they give the Yankees the keys to the city.
Thug boyfriend: Okay.
Young woman: What do the keys open?
Thug boyfriend: It's just, like, a statue and shit.
Young woman: Oh, I thought they all got a turn trying to open the vault at the bank, and one of the keys works.
Thug boyfriend: You dumb bitch. That's The Price Is Right, not The World Series!

–E Train

Posted on December 6, 2009
Boyfriends, Insults, On the Subway, Thugs, TV, Wishes & desires, Women, Yankees

I Know You're Depressed When You Try to Stab Me

30-something babe, seconds before stop: I'm so happy.
40-something metrosexual: I know, it shows.
(she gets up)
40-something metrosexual: Yeah, when you ignore me on the train it's always a good sign.

–F Train

Posted on December 4, 2009
Girls, Happiness, Metrosexuals, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Relationships

Wednesday One-Liners Go Directly to My Thighs

Teeny tiny gay guy: I used to be so skinny in high school.

–Staten Island

Teenage girl to another: I mean, why bother to eat anything if you're just gonna shit it all out?

–L Train

Woman carrying baby to friend: Also, I burn an extra 500 calories a day just by breastfeeding!

–5th Ave & 16th St

Overheard by: Tracy

20-something guy, about Sour Patch Kids gummy candy: They're fat-free, so they're good for you!

–4 Train

Six-year-old girl, eating bagel: All of the fat from this is going to go straight to my ass!

–A Train

Overheard by: that's just great

Posted on December 2, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Diet/Weight, Food, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nostalgia, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Poop, Queer guys, Questions, Rack, Staten Island, Stupidity, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Go Back to Williamsburg, Wednesday One-Liners!

Hipster: Ugh, my mom keeps forgetting to deposit my unemployment check.

–Williamsburg

Shouting hipster: I tripped over a Mexican!

–Spring St

Overheard by: Brigdh

Hipster girl to guy she is sitting with at the bar: I should have let you cum on my bedspread.

–5th Ave & Bergen, Brooklyn

Dozing hipster, muttering in his sleep: That's what she said.

–G Train

Overheard by: Sunny

Upset hipster chick to friends: So now that my brother's going to college,they're not going to pay my rent anymore. I told my mom, "I'm twenty-five, I pay all my other bills on time, I haven't done anything wrong!"

–Union Pool, Williamsburg

Posted on December 2, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Cleanliness, Cum, Dreams, Education, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hipsters, Money & Class, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Sensory Experiences, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg

On the Subway