Puerto Rican guy: Dude, I swear I fucked Oscar the Grouch last night.
Black guy: I don't think we can be friends anymore. You and your Muppet mistresses…
–NYU
Puerto Rican guy: Dude, I swear I fucked Oscar the Grouch last night.
Black guy: I don't think we can be friends anymore. You and your Muppet mistresses…
–NYU
Hobo with guitar, singing: My girl! That white girl is my girl! She may look like Brooke Shields but she's my girl! My girl! Oooh-ooh… Come on, everybody, sing with me, Puerto Ricans, too!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Tater
Drunk Puerto Rican father to man on train, yelling: The capital of Puerto Rico is the Bronx, bitch!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Alice Dalice
Guy, about some girls: I tried to tell them I was Puerto Rican, but they kept saying I was from Spain and called me a douchebag.
–East Village
Overheard by: NYCGlamDiva
Diner waitress: Just because he's Puerto Rican don't mean he's a cheetah.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: monkey girl
Asian girl to Hispanic guy: Come on! She's, like, the Puerto Rico of Asia!
–Jamba Juice, Mercer & Houston
Guy on cell: How can you be happy if you're acting like such a bitch all time?
–Melrose Ave & 154th St
Puerto Rican barista, as A-Team music starts playing: The A-Team! Man, that makes me think of when I was young and still happy!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Chris K.
30-something woman: I'm going to see Transformers. Transformers! Daa naa na naaa! You have to be happy in life, everybody is dying.
–34th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Frank Molla
Girl on cell, vehemently: I'm trying brown eyeliner. I hope this makes you happy!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Ashley
20-something girl: Just put some alcohol in me and I'll be happy.
–St. Mark's Place
Woman on train to loud Puerto Rican woman on cell: Excuse me, can you please lower your voice?
Puerto Rican woman, into cell: This bitch just asked me to lower my voice!
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Emily
Man on cell: Well, at least my dick will finally seem bigger!
–Prince St. & W Broadway
Overheard by: Johnny
Puerto Rican lady on phone to pal: Yo, his dick was mad little, yo! My son's dick is bigger than that!
–Broadway & Havemeyer, Brooklyn
Teen on cell: And you have a small penis. And you're gay.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: And I Thought My Day Wasn't Going Well
Black gay guy on cell: I feel so sorry for guys with small penises. Here I am, with a 12 inch dick and I don't even use it.
–Penn Station
Man on cell: You're dumping me because my dick is 11 inches and it's too big? That doesn't make any sense!
–Lorimer & Maujer
Overheard by: was this a lame attempt to hit on me?
Petite yuppie on phone: Oh my god! It was so small I tried so hard not to laugh! But then I decided to boost his spirit and I said to him, "is it because it's cold in here?" (pause) Yeah, you're right, that couldn't have possibly boosted anything at all. Dinner was good, though.
–N Train
Overheard by: Mefisto
Puerto Rican guy to another: Out of all the continents, Staten Island is the craziest.
–Spring St b/w Mott & Elizabeth
Overheard by: Jack D
Girl to guy: I can't wait to be a Staten Islander.
–28th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Jennifer
Suit on cell: I take the Staten Island ferry because it's like a free cruise.
–60th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Mike
Ferry announcer: Please follow the signs posted for your assistance, and please see uniformed crew men in case of emergency. Thank you for riding the Staten Island ferry. Have a nice life!
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Steven
Professor: So is anyone here from Staten Island? (no reply) Good!
–NYU
Rican tough tween chick #1: What about Rebecca?
Rican tough tween chick #2: I hear she a lesbian.
Rican tough tween chick #3: A lesbian?
Rican tough tween chick #2: Yeah, she likes girls.
Rican tough tween chick #1 (laughing): Fuck that shit. Who wants to like girls?
–Bergenline Jitney, Newark Avenue, Jersey City
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Young Puerto Rican: I am so American! you're American if you born in Puerto Rico!
Young Puerto Rican friend: No, you ain't American, nigga!
–Smith & Bergen, Brooklyn
Overheard by: sara astrid
Gay thug: I better be able to attend the motherfuckin’ flower show or I’m going to hit someone.
–1 Train
Thug: Man, he told us not to add more sugar but we put more sugar in that sauce. Shit was panty-droppin, son.
–Deli, 21st St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Ryn
Thug, in high-pitched voice and flailing arms, while running across the street in front of oncoming UPS truck: Aaaah! Aaaah! Aaaah!
–45th St & 8th Ave
Thug, to friend: That shit done tore my heart!
–N Train
Puerto Rican thug: Au revoir, here is my choo-choo train.
–F Train Platform
Overheard by: Garuda
Drunk, angry Puerto Rican girl to boyfriend: You had to make me smell like fuckin’ Chinese food on new year’s eve!
–Grand St & Graham Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: someone who happily had a different New Year’s date, and wonders whether there is a Designer Imposters version of such a scent.
Disgusted McDonald’s patron: This shit smells worse than a hobo’s taint!
–14 & Broadway
Overheard by: Shemp
Man, entering subway car: Son, it smells like home depot in here.
–4 Train
Drunk sorostitute on cell: It smelled fine. It was just a febreeze gone awry!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Queer: I can’t wait to move out of this decrepit office building. A couple of days ago a mouse died in the walls -you remember what that smells like. The guys in the office said: "Maybe it’ll go away after a week," but I told them it’s just going to get worse, so now they want to bring in some awful air freshener thing. Someone is already spraying that stuff in the men’s room, and it’s got a nasty artificial orange scent, so it smells like someone shat on a fruit basket.
–28th & Park
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Girl with a huge ugly weave: I smell fried chicken! [Pauses.] … Oh, it’s prolly me. [Keeps walking.]
–Library, Washington Irving High School
