Tofu : Vegetables :: Dick Cheney : Humans

Veggie-curious girl: I like to get this really great dressing and then add all sorts of interesting vegetables.
Supportive friend: Like what?
Veggie-curious girl: Tofu!

–Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: receptionist

Headline by: EddieA

Runners-Up:
· “And Croutons!” – Vanessa
· “Gesundheit!” – Sandy Paws
· “If Regan Can Make Ketchup a Vegetable, Why the Fuck Not?” – Humberto
· “It’s the Other White Vegetable” – do2na
· “Sometimes I Get Crazy and Add Bacon Bits!” – Botticus
· “The Vitamin Deficiency Related Death Was Really No Surprise” – Proletariat

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on October 18, 2017
Food, Friends, Girls, Headline Contest Winners, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Stupidity, Vegetarian & Vegan

That Would Be “Too Late” Jeans by Gloria Vanderbilt

Girl #1: Where’s those jeans — the coochie-hugging ones?
Girl #2: Oh, you mean the ones that cut your vagina in half?

–H&M, 51st & 5th

Overheard by: Adin

Posted on October 16, 2017
Clothing, Default, Girls, Questions, Store, Vagina

Wednesday Really Pumps Out the One-Liners

Guy to female friend: There's a guy in the Howard Street festival that ejaculates like 20 feet.

–E 3rd St & 1st Ave

Guy: The world is my cumrag!

–4th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Jordan Bruce

Woman on cell: Yeah, it was great. We managed to buy enough sperm for three kids.

–32nd & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Matt

Intoxicated college boy to friend: I don't want to jism on a girl's back…yet.

–Times Square

Overheard by: watching her back

Suit getting off train, turning around and yelling: Was it semen? (waves goodbye)

–1 Train

Overheard by: hsw

Posted on October 15, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Cum, Frat Boys, Friends, Guys, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Shopping, Street, Suits, The Village, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

I Teach a Class at the Community College on Wednesday Evenings

Dude to female friend: How can a woman be charged with sexual harassment?
Trashy white lady passerby: Wanna find out?

–W 8th & MacDougal

Posted on October 13, 2017
Pick-up Lines, Questions, Strangers, The Village

Or Ugly People… Still You.

Woman digging through scarves: Do you think these are for older people?
Male pal: Yes, for older people. For you.

–The Met store

Overheard by: akka

Headline by: Stretchen

Runners-Up:
· “Definetely In The Friend Zone” – Dion
· “Never Insult a Woman with a Perfect Choking Device” – Megan
· “No One Said Ashton Kutcher Was Bright” – punk’d
· “That’s It. I’m Leaving My Teeth in Next Time I Blow You.” – laladypoet
· “They Help Catch the Drool” – Dan
· “Well That’s the Last He’ll See Of the Sagging Sisters” – L

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on October 10, 2017
Age/Aging, Clothing, Comebacks, Headline Contest Winners, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

I Always Appreciate Good Classical Form

Girl #1: Did you see those two homeless men fighting by the subway?
Girl #2: I know! That was horrible!
Girl #1: Yeah. I was rooting for the guy in blue.
Girl #2: Really? I was going for the other one.

–Chelsea

Posted on October 9, 2017
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Colors, Fighting and ass kicking, Girls, Homeless, Questions, Weirdness

You Put That in Your Wednesday One-Liner?

Woman, to friend: he was so excited, I thought his butt plug was going to shoot out of his ass.

–Spring Street and 6th St

Overheard by: Sarah O.

Dude in fur coat and construction boots: My mom asked me if I had a razor in my butt…

–Downtown ‘1’ Train

Husband to wife:
I can’t believe you just put your finger up my butt hole!

–Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: bonifacia

Transvestite prostitute: I just got off my second and last date tonight… Man paid me 4 bills to stick my fingers in his booty.

–Meat-packing District

Overheard by: Erin

Guy on cell: you have to get drunk enough not to puke, but enough to take the piece of glass into your ass!

–Bleeker & Barrow

Overheard by: ivy270

Guy on cell phone passing by: normally when you say that, my asshole starts puckering!

–Union Square

Posted on October 6, 2017
Advice, Ass, Asshole, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Couples, Default, Dildos and Vibrators, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Grand Central, Gripes, Guys, Hand-Jobs, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Prostitutes, Prostitution, Questions, Soho, The Village, Trannies, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Women

What's So Great Aboot Wednesday One-Liners, Eh?

Man on subway, about to exit: Obama, Islam, Canada. Obama, in Islam, and Canada. (exits train)

–Downtown D Train

Overheard by: katiekatydid

Thug to tourists: How do you say "thank you" in Canadian?

–34th & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Fluent in Canadian

Student: I'm so sick and tired of your Canadian condescension.

–Eugene Lang College

Crazy Brooklynite at a payphone: The Queen owns everything! She owns Europe, she owns Africa, and she owns Canada! The one thing she doesn't own is the US. So could somebody give me a US quarter for a Canadian quarter?

–Broadway & 8th St

Ditzy blonde to another: Do we look Canadian?

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Holls

Posted on October 4, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Crazies, Foreigners, Girls, Gripes, Islam, Languages, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, President, Questions, Students, The Village, Thugs, Tourism, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Here's Forest Whitaker to Explain

Park Slope mom #1: I'm going to be honest. We have night birds near my house.
Park Slope mom #2: Oh my god! Us too! I tried to report it!
Park Slope mom #1: Why are these birds chirping at night? Don't they need to sleep?

–Park Slope

Overheard by: D-Law

Posted on September 20, 2017
Birds, Moms, Park Slope, Questions, Stupidity

…Seriously, What's with the Scales?

Guido to chef: Ew, that looks like raw fish! It looks like salmon! Is that fish?
Japanese chef, cheerfully: It's chicken!
Guido: It looks like shit! I thought it was fish!

–Japanese Food Stand, Food Court, Staten Island Mall

Overheard by: Ashamed to be Italian…

Posted on September 16, 2017
Compare/Contrast, Ethnic Food, Guidos, Japanese, Malls, Questions, Staten Island

Questions

Here's Forest Whitaker to Explain