Questions

Wednesday One-Liners, from the Redwood Forest to the Gulf Stream Waters

Very heavy ten-year-old boy, yelling excitedly: I heard they have bacon flavored popcorn in Florida! I love the south!

–Flushing, Queens

Hipster girl on cell: The entire state of Mississippi isn't a complete waste of space, even though it seems like it right now.

–Atlantic & Smith, Brooklyn Heights

Wino, grabbing can of beer: Here's 15 cents. I'll get the rest of it for you today. I promise! I'm from Georgia, I know how this shit works!

–Deli at 33rd & 7th

Overheard by: EthanK

Loud girl to friend: Maria? Maria's not dead, Maria's in Virginia?

–BxM10 Bus

Overheard by: bxgirl

Girl to boyfriend: I mean, when someone says they're throwing an "Iowa State Fair"-themed wedding, you don't think twice about going!

–30th Ave, Astoria

When Doctors Form Gangs

Little blond boy pointing to graffiti on bus seat: What does that say?
Mom: I don’t know… It was written by someone with really bad handwriting.

–72nd Crosstown bus

The Live-Bug Earrings, Especially

Girl #1, yelling: We are not weird! We are not odd! Why would someone say that!?
Girl #2: Well, I'm a little odd.
Girl #1: Yeah. I guess you are.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: .bryan.

It Means You'll Need to Bring Me the Head Of a Dragon Before We Can Discuss This Further

Student: Am I passing your math class?
Teacher: No.
Student: But I only need your class to graduate! What can I do to pass?
Teacher: Excuse me. Just because I'm Chinese does not mean you can bargain for your grade like this is Chinatown.

–High School, Queens

She’ll Need It When She Gets Her Ass Kicked

A woman on a crowded train has put her bag on a seat and is standing in front of it.

Girl: Are you going to sit down?
Lady: Yes.
Girl: When?
Lady: Soon. I’m warming it up.

–A train

Overheard by: LSB

Are You Tired Of Non-Cooking Sluts?

Thug #1: Does she love you?
Thug #2: I know she loves me. She did my dishes!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Lauren

See? Saw!

Mother, pointing to a woman playing the musical saw: She is singing!
Son: No, She’s playing the saw.
Mother: There is an orchestra playing!
Son: It is a tape.
Mother: And she is singing?
Son. No. She is sawing.
Mother: What did you say?
Son: Go, have a look.
Mother: …….
Son: And?
Mother: It’s like singing.
Son: That’s it, the saw.
Mother: What a nice voice she has!
Son: She is not singing. It’s the saw that’s singing.
Mother: No way… She is singing into the saw?
Son: No, no singing. Just sawing.
Mother: But she is opening her mouth.
Son: She is breathing.
Mother: Are you sure she is not singing?

–Union Square subway station

It's Where She Does Her Secret Eating

Girl #1: Where did she go?
Girl #2: She went to the bathroom.
Girl #1: Why?

–Amtrak

Overheard by: mike the observer

Straight Guys Generally Regret Pursuing This Line of Questioning

Queer: Wow, he’s cute.
Straight guy: Yeah… So, do you want to fuck him?
Queer: No, I want him to fuck me.

–Central Park

When Amy Doesn’t Understand Something, She Faints

Columbia professor [having just explained a relatively simple concept, turning to girl in front]: Do you understand this?
Girl: Yes.
Professor: Good. Because, you know, you’re really the canary in the coal mine for this class. If I can get you to get this, I’m set.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Bobby

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